JadeJudy

3 years, well actually 2,5 but yeah

@SooSad33 You had a really nice response. Yes you're all right when you say I should resolve my problems first, but I feel like only now I see them. I understand I was being a bit closed off, which I had no reasons to do so, seeing he treated me well. I won't make the same mistake, I'm willing to fully go for it, because I feel he can be worth it. Yes, what you say about pushing away, is what I'm afraid of. Maybe he IS telling the truth about being distant, and then I should show him I care about him. On the other hand, he may be lying not to hurt my feelings, in which case I should let him go. I always see the good in people so I tend to give him the benefit of the doubt and go with the 1st option, seeing as he doensn't reply dry. (which may be dumb) It's just, if I feel like he didn't like me anymore, I would back off. But I don't feel like it's totally over yet. And yes, communication is key! That's what I was trying to say, I don't like just cutting people off, I like to hear what they have to say. If he just tells me he doesn't see this going anywhere, I would be more happy to move on. I just don't know how to start such a conversation and if it will push him away even further. Or if I should just keep it cool and start a normal conversation, so we can bond again? Or should I just not send him anything and risk losing him? It's all so difficult hahaha, let me know if you have some advice. @MissCanuck yes, but can't we learn from each other? It's not like the age gap is soo big, my parents are even 10 years apart. I'm just not really a mature person haha, I tend to get along better with younger people, how weird that may seem.

@Wiseman2 I'd love to ask him out, but isn't it weird to do so now? I don't want to come off as pushy. I want a bit more green flags first haha. And I didn't send him weird texts at all, just normal conversations about his day etc. Never anything serious about emotions. My niece is a year younger than him, but why does that matter? It's just a coincidence they work together. @Batya33 I'm not playing any games, I really am not that kind of a person. I never talk to guys in a romantic setting so I'm not familiar with dating at all. That's why I came here for advice, not to be attacked. I'm not dumb, I know he isn't as interested as he used to be. But I see the potential and I just wondered if I could do anything to regain it, because I feel like I could have tried harder. It's only now that I see that (yess, growth haha) And if you think that's pathetic, well it could be. But I just don't like cutting people out of my life, I don't see the point in that. When I see him, I don't want it to be an akward situation. We're just 2 people who get along really well and I would be sad to let that go. Also today, he immediately awnsered to all of my messages. He didn't ask me stuff but he also wasn't dry or anything. Yes, it's the bare minimum but it's an upgrade from being ignored for a day haha. So I didn't end up sending him that message. Don't know what I'm gonna do tomorrow yet. Ohh also, I was trying to tell you I don't want to cut him off for giving mixed signals because I have mixed feelings myself. I think it's normal with the amount of times we have met, which is why I would like to get to now him better. Then we could either become a couple, stay friends or decide we should go our own ways. That's the ideal situation imo, and that's why I don't want him to fade away just yet. I guess that makes a bit more clear how I feel about it.

Yes I need to work on my self-esteem but I met him and we just talked the whole night. He made me happy again, after all the sadness I went through with the previous guy. He was there at the right time. And it's not like he forced me into being intimate. And he did put in the effort. And I know I shouldn't treat him distantly because someone else hurt me, but I was just being careful. I'm new to all of this you know. I just didn't know you should move so quickly while dating haha. I just think that's the reason he lost interest, not my personality, which is why I hope I can fix it. Is that so bad? And I'm not defending his actions, I just want to say he's not a bad guy. But now he isn't treating me like he should, I'm aware. Also you say that I shouldn't just trust his words, but I know I have these trust-issues, which is why I believe(d) him. And @Wiseman2 I don't know yet. I don't have feelings but I want to get to know him. I feel like we could end up as a couple, but if the feelings don't come, we could be really good friends. Also, I think I wouldn't mind occasional hookups. It's good to get a bit out of my comfort zone. And yes, he works with my niece. He's 18, I'm a bit older. I think to just stop talking is a bit childish and I want/need some clarity for my own good. I think I deserve that. So I think I'll send that message to see what he has to say. That seems pretty decent to me?

@Kwothe28 No he actually did, I saw all of his friends suddenly looking at me while he talked to them haha. They also followed me on instagram and some of them were there when we hung out. He once asked me to send him a picture so he could show me to his best friend. That's good right? haha. And in the club, I was avoiding him because I felt akward after the incident. But I'm thinking of sending him this message (when he replies): 'Hey XX, you're making it clear, but ignoring me isn't really the best solution haha' 'I just don't want it to become akward because I do think you're a fun guy' It sounds better in my language haha. Should I sent it? Or would you be like '***' if you recieved it haha. I just know I'll drive myself insane if I don't get awnsers, did that last time too. (and I'm already doing it )

@Wiseman2 No, we weren't exclusive, but I've only known him for 3 months.. I think that's a bit fast, no? And he had asked me to meet up but I just always said no because of trust issues since the previous guy haha. And we asked each other every week if we went out and then we would always go to each other and go sit somewhere alone. And yes we didn't meet up, but that's totally my fault. That's also why I want to regain his interest. He really tried. So if that's the reson I want to make up for it. And @reinventmyself yes but 2 weeks ago he said he loved he'd seen me, just randomly after a conversation. So it's not been that long. It's not like anything happened, so why should I stop talking to him if we clicked? Wouldn't it be a pity?

Well I thought about that too, but then he wouldn't talk to his friends about me and want to meet my family right? He's genuinly nice. And I would be happy too if we were just friends, just not the uncertainty there is now. When he finally texts back, do you think I should say something about it? But I also don't want to push him even further away.. What do you think I should do? Assuming I still want to give it a chance.

I know, but I don't have feelings for him yet so I don't expect him to do so. I just want to keep talking and put in more effort by meeting, if he would give me the chance. I think we could be a match. When we met, we could talk really easily and he was really cute. I talked to a guy friend about this and he told me the guy really wanted me if he did al of the things I told him he did. That can't disappear in a week right.. It's not like anything happened. And why would he tell my niece it's not my fault and still reply all enthousiastic? I know the situation is bad but this still gives me a bit hope. It's not like he hates me, so can't I still redeem myself? Or do you really think he can't regain interest?.. I just hate losing people, that's why I always do this. This sucks.

Sooo I’ve met this guy like 3 months ago, we started talking and we really clicked. We talked everyday and he complimented me a lot. He always said I was beautiful and that he liked me. (He once even said ily, omg haha) So he asked me to meet up with him a couple of times, but I always said no because I was scared haha. (I'm shy, okay) After a while, he was like ‘now we’re gonna meet or I’m coming to your house!’ hahaha so I met him while we were going out. We went on a walk and we talked and kissed and it was really fun. The day after, he said he had a lot of fun so things were going really well. After that, we continued to text everyday and we met up a couple times (always while going out) and he even slept with me. (he asked to meet up after work too but I denied it, so he didn’t just want to meet while going out) He also told his friends about me and asked me to come to his work with my family because he wanted to see them. So things were going well, but one day I had the feeling he didn’t text as much as before. He didn’t reply dry or anything, but he didn’t ask me stuff back, so the conversation stopped. (you have to know, I’m an overthinker) Then one night (like 2 weeks ago) he was out and texted me ‘I want you xx’ and called me, so I met up with him. We had fun and the day after he said he loved that he had seen me again, so I was really happy. The 2 following days, I initiated contact. (Normally, it's 50/50, but I tend to send him more often) The day after, I didn’t send him anything to see what he would do. He didn’t send me anything. So after 2 days of silence, I send him a message again and he responded but again, not asking me anything. The day after the same story. So I stopped initiating again and we didn’t talk for a week.. He’s friends with my niece and he told her he was having some trouble and that he then always becomes distant, but that he still liked me and it wasn’t my fault. I was a bit sceptical (still am haha) but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. After all, I really like him and just a week before, he said he liked me, so yeah. I send him a message again, asking him if he was still alive, but he didn’t open my message for a whole day.. (he did reply to others) In the evening, he replied with ‘yess haha’ So I asked if something was wrong (bc of the silence) and he said ‘No, why?’, so I said he was being a bit quiet, which he ignored again for a whole day. I was a bit mad (well to be fair, more sad) and ignored his reply for a day too. (I know, childish but I didn’t feel like replying) So I eventually opened, and it said that he was having some trouble and that he became distant, same thing he told my niece. I was glad he didn’t just give me a dry reply, and decided to trust the answer. So I send him a nice message that he could always talk to me etc. Buttt then, my niece and I were going out and he was too. I walked past him and he looked away, like ‘*** she’s here’ I was really sad after that. (UPDATE: he told my niece that he was calling and didn’t see us, but I’m not quite sure..) So the rest of the night, I didn’t went to talk to him or anything, I felt a bit stupid. But when I got home, I saw that he had send me a message saying ‘hahahaha okey’ (to that he could always talk to me, but I made a joke at the end) and ‘hahaha I don’t have a place to sleep’ So I was confused. Mad that he looked away and happy that he send me a message. If he really didn’t like me, he would reply dry right..? But he doesn’t continue the conversation either. Because I told him ‘normally, you fix that before going out’ and he replied with ‘hahahahhah’. (But like, more ha's than normal? So enthousiastic.. told you I overthink ) Now I send him a message again and he hasn’t replied yet (send it at 10 in the morning) I just am confused. (again, he did send to others) He really liked me and I liked him, and then all of the sudden, he drifts away.. It would just be a pity to stop talking because we get along really well. Maybe it’s because I didn’t meet up with him enough.. I’m just not someone who moves into things quickly. But I’m definitely willing to do so, now that I know him a bit better. It’s not even that I have feelings yet, I just wanted to see where things would go. I know he’s sending mixed signals, which isn’t good, but maybe I can regain his interest? Because he did like me. I’m really sad this happened and I don’t really know what to do next. Should I say something about it? Should I just act normal? Should I stop talking? Would be sad to lose him, even as a friend. I know I seem desperate (maybe a lil) but I just don't have a lot of experience with relationships and I wanted to give you all the details so I could really get your honest opinion. I could use some of your advice haha.