SophiaG

Why ghost? Do you want to see him again? If so, make plans to hang out. If not, let him know you are no longer interested and go separate ways. Try to work on your DA/FA style and any underlying trauma to get yourself ready before entering a relationship.

What's DA/FA? I don't see any lovebombing but he seems to be all over the place... His brother died on his birthday? Then a few days later he was talking about movies and acting as if nothing happened?

I might be paranoid, but after reading the initial (bf's?) thread something seems off about this story. In short both threads were written in a way that put the author in a negative light... and the two accounts of the same night, one month apart, are so consistent to the smallest detail even using the same exact words which make me think they were written by the same person. For what purpose? Was the original story even real? ... I have no idea. The original post was like a sampler of insecure, obsessive, jealous bf tropes I can't even imagine any man, however possessive and controlling he is, would describe themselves and their inner thoughts in such an unflattering manner. Obviously all replies confirmed that he was being unreasonably possessive. This post today, interestingly, described the same event in a way where the bf's request seemed quite reasonable, whereas the gf sounds a bit immature, especially with the "not willing to sacrifice anything for anyone" part that OP still did not address. Normally when people tell their side of the story they more or less embellish their own behavior or standpoint, if subconsciously. I rarely see a case where the two person each tell the story in a way that makes themselves sound like the bad guy and the other party totally reasonable. One of the details that seem off to me was the "smirk" she gave him when she saw him "out of the corner of her eye"... first off that's an awfully specific description. And both threads described her expression as a "smirk." I can see the bf thinking she was smirking ("The disrespect!") but for her, a month later, to write a mirroring post using exactly the same word "smirk"... huh? Smirk out of awkwardness? I've never seen people explain themselves that way. So my initial thought was that the bf didn't get any support so he rewrote the story from "her" perspective and tried again. But then again, the original post didn't read like a genuine attempt at support either... Sorry if I'm way off base, OP. I'm very confused.

I agree with @Tinydance. If she asked him to choke or hit her it'd be dangerous. But this level of "dirty talk" isn't even necessarily asking for rough in my books 😂 And quite consistent with the risk acceptance of someone who'd have sex multiple times within 10 days.

It's his preferred boundary - it's perfectly fine if you don't see it as necessary, but I wouldn't jump to calling him controlling or possessive. You two simply don't see eye to eye on this issue. Is this a hill you are willing to die on? Social dancing is popular in my friends circle and I've been involved with many men who enjoy it, whose boundaries range from never wanting to dance with anyone beyond their partner to purposefully trying to dance with every woman on the floor. Personally I avoid men who want to dance with as many women as possible, but I don't necessarily mind it if my date dances with other girls as long as he doesn't neglect me in doing so and it's not an overly intimate dance. I don't know how intimate polish dances are - some dances are playful and more fun with a larger group of people and swapping partners etc. But if my bf wants to only dance with me, I have no problem with that at all. Generally I don't find it too enjoyable to dance with strangers anyway. If you love him, try to see it from his perspective and explain your perspective in a noncombative way. Hopefully you can find a middle ground. I found this statement more concerning - is this generally true in your relationship? You are not willing to compromise on anything?

I agree if the fantasy is about someone not in real life (e.g., an actor or book character), but I don't like the idea of fantasizing a real life friend or coworker. Being attracted to a person you have access to while in a committed relationship is a danger zone. Not something one should encourage or indulge in.

I've briefly dated someone with a similar condition and eating out was very challenging. He had an app on his phone funnily called "Find me GF" to find restaurants he can eat at. The selection wasn't great and I pretty much disliked every restaurant he could go to. This is in NYC - I don't know how prevalent/good those restaurants are where you are at - but if I'm this strict with my diet restrictions that I can't even have a gluten free dish at a regular restaurant due to possible cross contamination I'd be eating at home like 99% of the time. I think it's very nice and sweet her partner finds restaurants she can enjoy and advocates for her, though as her friends the rest of you should be able to eat what you want sometimes too. Maybe she can join you before/after meal for other activities or she can eat beforehand and just hang out with you at the restaurant.

If you and your gf cannot agree to a reasonable set of rules regarding interactions with the opposite sex and your gf keeps apologizing (did she even apologize?) but repeating the same behavior I'm afraid you are not compatible or she's not ready for a relationship. She needs to properly heal from previous betrayals and learn to not let those fears dominate her emotions and new relationship.

What's the nature of the interactions that she got jealous over? If she's keeping a past fwb still in her orbit, she could think you are doing the same. You two need to set clear boundaries regarding opposite sex friends/past partners and those same boundaries should apply to both of you.

Is it a common name like David, Michael, etc.? Could well be a celebrity or fictional character she's fantasizing about.

See my post in this thread above. Not every woman operates the same way, neither does every man.

Sounds great, OP! Nothing wrong with going slow. Be patient with each other and good luck!

Sorry to hear that. Traveling together and loaning money are two of the most common ways of losing a friend. You already don't trust her character (and rightfully so) so there's not much to salvage here. Sucking up to her wouldn't make her pay you back. I suggest you ask for your money back immediately.

I have no problem with compliments. I love being complimented! My suggestion is to just keep doing what you are doing and understand that most people you meet will not be a good match. That's fine. Women who are not attracted to you will not be attracted by the way you compliment them (or the lack of) or whether you tell them you got home safely or not. You don't want to do something out of character to attract someone. For example if you are affectionate and like complimenting your girlfriend, go ahead and compliment the women you are dating. If you like their smile, tell them that. No need to play games or presenting a specific persona on a date. Just be yourself.

What's wrong with putting/shoving it in? I'm confused. Also if you are doing it right she probably doesn't need lube. Spit is gross and doesn't work as lube. If you enjoy having sex with her you wouldn't be posting here calling her bizarre and immature. If her dirty talk turns you off, at this stage (10 days?) just find someone else to hook up with.