kim42

Too much too soon, I'd be uncomfortable. Does he maybe have amy financial issues? That could perhaps explain why he wants to move in with you.

Some people don't like texting. I have a friend and she hates it, she doesn't text in between dates, only to schedule or confirm plans.

There are also people who don't text much on purpose because they want to seem needy or too excited. There's plenty of online advice on this whole texting thing, and I know some people take it very seriously.

I think as long as she says yes to the next date, then it's okay. Maybe you can tell her in a funny way that she can plan the next date or text you more.

10 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I agree with other posters that it takes TWO to play this game and you were an equal participant.  I think it's important to own that, to own your role, and hopefully learn something for next time, next man.

That said, I wanted to address the bolded because I hear this a lot and am trying to wrap my brain around it.   I have asked this question previously on other threads but don't recall receiving an answer.

Anyway, the question is - why are you "embarrassed" having a man know how you feel about him?  That you care?  To reveal your vulnerability in that regard?

Even if he WERE playing you, which in this case I don't think he was, but even if he were, there is nothing for YOU to be embarrassed about, imo.  When you reached out to him, even when he was being cold, you were being real, being genuine.  You cared and your behavior reflected that.  

For the life of me I don't understand what's "embarrassing" about that?  Is it ego?  That would be my guess but I honestly don't know.

I recall times when I have been played, and I was still open about my feelings, even though I was moving on and told him I was moving on.

But I went out being REAL.  No games, no hiding my feelings, in other words, NO BS.

I wasn't embarrassed, I felt empowered!

Course that's just me and we're all different.  But I would still like to know the thought process behind it, behind being "embarrassed."

You are not the only one, I hear this A LOT which is why I ask.

 

 

I agree with the above, and the feeling of being empowered when opening up about my feelings really resonates with me. Thanks for sharing this!

I don't think you were played. I understand that you probably need some closure, and from what you've shared here, I think he might be simply tired of all the arguing and making assumptions based on social media.

It seems you two just don't communicate well, too many misunderstandings instead of clear communication. I think that's tiring, and even if you like someone, you just don't want to spend so much time arguing.

5 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

He sent me a particularly cold text tonight. I guess he wants me to know he doesn’t feel that way about me. 
 

The last booty call had weird mixed messages but I guess he wants to make his feelings clear with me. 
 

Maybe he doesn’t wanna lead me on and things of that nature. 
 

Ice cream calls. 

What did the text say? 

I understand that you like him but I'm afraid you're losing your time with him.

I believe you'd like a man to give you more than a cold text.

Have you thought about not seeing him anymore?

15 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Just checked, yes, my bad lol

Switzerland is too organized for dungeon adventures 😁

50 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

In one of his last texts on Saturday he said that he would wait for me for a while in case I change my mind, so I found it disrespectful of him to be back on the app after only 24 hours… but again just not how I operate… 

I can understand you might feel upset about this but I don't think it's disrespectful.

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

In my case with my ex, I didn't find out from SM or an app, a mutual friend told me...

Social media, apps etc can cause more problems than they're actually worth imo. 

My FB was hacked into by another ex, wreaked all sorts of havoc.  

I deactivated it. 

Same ex also created a fake online dating profile using my pic and contact info when registering.

More havoc! 

That sounds like a mess, sorry you had to go through it!

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I agree. 

However, that's my logical brain. My emotional brain would be upset especially if I ended it for reasons other than I lost interest.  Which it sounds like what happened here.

In fact, I recall ending a relationship and my boyfriend (ex) began dating a new woman (exclusively) shortly thereafter.

I was really upset!!  I was on a different forum and folks there were trying to calm me, saying that I had dumped him, he was within his "rights" to start dating again blah blah.

Logically I knew that was true, but emotionally?  I was still upset. 

I recall posting (half joking) that I fully expected that he should not want to date another woman after me for the rest of his life!  LOL  🤣 

I eventually got over it. 

 

I know what you mean. I think I was 'lucky' in a way because almost all my exes or guys I was hanging out with (situationships or however you want to call it) didn't have any social media, so once it was over, I didn't know what they were doing, so I had no news about their dating situation.

15 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

You wouldn’t care about him seeing you even if you told him that you would wait for him a little while? 

I'm not sure if I understand this correctly. If a guy wanted to end things with me, I don't think I would wait for him to change his mind, if that's what you mean.

Then again, I have a tendency to have this black and white way of thinking, which is maybe not the best way.

3 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

 

Yeah but I would never activate my profile 24hours after a “breakup”. This is not really respectful, mostly because we met on that app. I would at least wait a few days, or hide it. But this is me… 

I guess we're all different. If a guy ended things with me, I wouldn't care about him seeing me on a dating app. I mean it's over, especially if it was a short relationship.

I don't think that him stating on the app that he's looking for casual means that he was casual with you too.

Example from my life: I'm looking for something serious but last year in October I had a brief fling with one guy - it was casual because I didn't see him as someone that could be my boyfriend but that doesn't mean I now only want casual.

I agree with others, blocking her would be the best, she's wasted enough of your time.

40 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Yes he is free of course. But i was a bit surprised to be honest. I dont know what he is about. He texted me this morning asking how my appointement to the doctor went. I didn’t reply. I told him the other day that I was moving on, so why is he still reaching out like if nothing happened. I don’t want to be rude either by blocking him right away. But I guess I will have to do it if he reaches out again. 
im always curious about people’s behaviors, and why they act the way they do.

I don't think it's that unusual if a man reaches out after you decide to end things. It has happened to me several times. Maybe he was hoping you've changed your mind or simply wanted to know how you're doing health-wise, given your recent accident. He seems like a caring person so it doesn't surprise me that he sent you that message.

If you feel that blocking him will give you peace, then do it.

I don't understand why you would care if he's on a dating app after you ended things with him. I mean, he's free to do whatever he wants.

I had a similar experience a few years ago. I went on one date with this guy (we met on a dating app) and then he asked me out on a second date. I couldn't go the evening he had suggested because I already had plans with my girlfriends. He got very upset because of this and sent me several messages that he didn't want me to go a bar because he knew there would be many men. I don't remember what I replied to him but I ended up blocking him the next morning because he kept asking me what 'happened' in that bar and if I talked to any guys.

I found it invasive and disrespectful, especially after one date. Your guy sounds quite insecure so I wouldn't probably see him again. For the future, you can simply say you have plans, you don't need to give details to someone after one date.

I'm not a fan of blocking people but in this case I think it would be good for you to block her. She will keep contacting and it will be even harder for you to move on from this situation. 

I read similar stories on Reddit about this kind of online interactions and most of them end up like this, that one person decides to not meet in real life after all.

I remember this story about an American woman who was supposed to travel in Europe and somehow she managed to match on a dating app with this American guy who lived in Europe. They started to chat and facetime and agreed to meet once she was in Europe. He even sent her a gift for her birthday but then changed his mind before her flight to Europe.

I believe some people just prefer the fantasy and get scared to actually meet the person in real life. I'm sorry you were disappointed but I think it would be the best to stop talking to her. If needed, you can also block her so you can move on from this situation. Try to stay busy in the meantime.

Please don't forget you flew all the way to see her and she didn't want to meet - I'm sure you don't want her to waste more of your time than she already did.

He probably likes texting with you and your fwb arrangement as such. If you're expecting more out of this, maybe stop texting to him so you don't read too much into his messages.

35 minutes ago, electricorchid said:

Well he wrote me "I want to see you when back we are long overdue", so I replied "we are overdue indeed, i wanted to see you too but you blew me off twice", so then he writes "Not sure if blowing you off is the right wording for it" (he gaslighted me a bit there, bc he absolutely did) and then he changed the subject asking me about my weekend and how he leaves tomm back home and I answered him and asked "hows the skiing/trip?" but then i did end up writing him "You def blew me off though, what's sad is I though about you on my trip and bought you a little something so Ive been waiting to give it to you since friday, but anyway you too. Have a safe flight ❤️ " and that was that and he left me on read. 

So it seems you don't want to see him again. Or are you maybe hoping he'll try to convince you to hang out with him again?

Just asking.

Sorry about your accident, Sindy. Hope they'll take good care of you in Switzerland 💕

28 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

I can appreciate why you might feel a little sting to hear that a friend's LD messaging may result in a visit. I mean, I can be happy for a lottery winner but still feel some envy due to the bills awaiting my payment.

Comparisons are not our friend, yet they can creep in sometimes even when we aren't surfing social media.

I appreciate you opting to let this out here, as it probably wouldn't be a great idea to mention it to your friend. At the same time, I can understand regretting that choice when the simplest thing can turn into a picking party around here.

Head high, Kim.

Thank you, I realize it's not good to compare my situation to someone elses's thing.

I do regret sometimes posting here, to be honest.

41 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I did not ask for details or the nature, nor do I care to know the details.

All I asked is if by "intimate" you meant sexting because the word intimate is ambiguous

You responded no, thank you for clarifying.

And yes it does matter imo and if you were sexting and he initiated, I would suggest you next him because nothing good or positive would ever evolve from that in THIS context.

But you're not sexting so great and carry on. 😀

He's a gentleman and very respectful. If he was sexting me, I wouldn't continue talking to him.