Enya77

Thanks, Shysoul! I'm going to work on finding that voice.

You're right. I should think about the good. It's not like I can change the minds of people around me. I should write more and get better at other things I want to. I never used to focus on this stuff that much or at all! Maybe I need to rewire something in my mind by focusing on other things.

I definitely need to move away though, don't have the funds to. I really think I'm giving too much power to the opinions of other people. It should be out of sight, out of mind. I live in my own cabin that I bought with my own money so I don't understand why this gets to me so much. I used to live under their roof and hate having to hear everything they said about me. Now it's peace and quiet. But, somehow, I still allow them to have power over me and anger me even when not around. This has gone on since I was a teenager dealing with my sisters. Everything they did and said angered me even after it was hours or weeks later.

I'm in my 20's and my own parents are "bullying" me like children would. I know this says more about them than it does me, but everytime I let it happen, I feel like I'm going to boil to the top with rage! I feel an injustice is being done to me and sometimes can't stand it! It seems everyone thinks they have the right to "bully" me this way because as I was coming back from a walk, I heard a woman shout out of her car that I was a "loser". That word gets used frequently on me. My parents both laugh at me when I'm talking to them and mock me behind my back. I don't know what it is about me that elicits these types of immature reactions from people. Same laughing thing happens to me wherever I go. I am different. My voice is different, but why can't people respect others? It's all I do. I will say that I am awkward and bad at socializing and that this happened before I was even pulled out of school except now it's everyone. I'm not a man, I'm a woman which I don't see many other women like myself. People will often try to get reactions out of me by saying cruel things when I'm right in front of them. I'm honestly sick of not saying anything. I feel mad at everyone at this point in my life. I tend to make posts about this often, but it's because I have a problem with rumination.

Thank you for your advice. I will from Now on and I'm owning who I am.

Thank you so much for reminding me! As a person who experiences mental illness the voice of reason in my head tends to leave me in moments of pain or moments when I hear this stuff. You're seriously helping me think clearly again. Keep up the great work ShySoul! 👍

I hate disagreeing with people and I mean no ill intention by doing so, but I've actually heard people say those things about me. They are often very close and think I can't hear them. I go to dr.s appointments and can hear the dr.s discussing me. Reffering to me by name and saying harsh things as well. I wish I could believe it was paranoia even moreso that I was actually paranoid, but I know I'm not. Some ballsy people will try so hard to get me to hear it so that it hurts me. One time I was at the store and a girl directly behind me waiting in line pointed out my nose. My nose is pretty big and started calling me names. She wanted a reaction out of me. To be honest, I regret not turning around and giving her crap back, but I didn't want to give her a reaction. I know they are talking about me because I live in a valley like area and their voices echo. I've heard the father of the family next door discussing what my parents were saying about me earlier that day. One time I was talking to me dog and the voives of two girls saying, "OH MY GOD, DID YOU HEAR HER?!" Broke the silence. They then proceeded to laugh at me. This has happened to me since I was 12 years old. I tried to convince myself I was just being paranoid, but it had happened to me so many times, I just couldn't believe that anymore. I really do wish It was paranoia though.

That's definitely something I'll bring up. Thanks.

I hope he didn't take that "Take her swimming on the first date!" Thing seriously because if so, it might mean he's trying to see what you look like when your makeup washes off. In that case, he's a shallow a hole!

I wear my headphones most of the time with music in. I never leave without them unless I absolutely have to. The problem is, I always get the urge to listen in and hear more of what they're saying. I almost become obsessed with it and angry over it. I want to say something to them or tell them to f off, but lol. They're property line is quite a distance away. That wouldn't even make sense or be the wisest thing to do. I have no idea why I care so much! Maybe because I have bipolar disorder.

I live near some people who are always outside watching my every move and commentating on everything I do. It's more like judging. Very harsh and cruel things are being said about me, every choice I make. I think they're listening in on what I'm saying to my dr.s and counselors in my room via videocall. I live in my own tiny house, their property is a distance away. I can't see them because groves of trees are separating us, though I think that they can see me. All of these people know my name, most likely because my parents have said it or the neighbor knows one of my family members. I don't like the neighbor at all. When he first moved in, He would always come outside when I was visible at the front of the property and watch me. I stopped going up there at least for long periods of time. It seems this neighbor sees the need to control me. The neighbors have that tendency. They constantly need to know what I'm up to. I've heard them mention my name multiple times, either mocking me or out of irritation, but I don't know these people! I've only seen less than a 16th of them. I only saw what they looked like in passing, but have never spoken to them. It pisses me off because it seems they have an obsession with me. I just want privacy. Every ounce of drama between me and my family was witnessed by them. I am different from other people, but I never bother anybody. I'm just living my life. I once heard one younger girl daying that I was "weird ". I get that a lot, but who has that much of the audacity to think that they can judge someone they've never even met? I don't know what any of these people look like. Actually only a few, but I genuinely have no ifea who they are or what any of THEIR first names are? Why do some people take sonmuch time out of their day to just watch someone or even find out their first name or anything about them? I know they hate me from the way that they talk about me, but I should just be irrelevant to them. They're irrelevant in my world. lol! Though, It is angering me, so.... Why do people feel the need to be so nosey? Has anyone else experienced something similar? Also, I live on a property in the woods. My parents own it, as do the other people on their properties around us. There's a road that I walk on than goes through the subdivision, it's how everyone goes to and from their land to the main road. I like to walk on this road to get excersise as do other people who live here and I can tell they don't like me walking on it, but I'm not bothering anybody and I'm sure as h *ll not going to stop! I feel like I let the comments of the insignificant people get to me. I don't even know them! How do I stop? I take it all personal and get riled up.

That's interesting. I actually might be autistic. I'm going to be evaluated soon.

This is so true! There are some things I can't help completely like the anxiety. It causes me to give one word responses and in turn sound "mean". I try to get other people to understand that I'm not a bad person, but they never understand me. Like you said, why fix something if it isn't broken?

I've tried asking, but people will always deny ever saying anything. I think it's them being mean and in that case I should take their opinion with a grain of salt. I have had my dad tell me I should learn to stand up for myself and they might just be doing it because they can.

I have a dr. And I'm going to see a counselor later. I've spoken to them about this and they said the same thing, but I just can't bring myself to believe that it's not happening. People usually say these things about me within earshot, most of them trying to get a reaction out of me.