Bern216

In regards to the STI I’m starting to agree with you on that. Because she has twisted everything around to place the blame on me. Even friends and family have stated out of all your past partners how many have come to you with something like this. The answer is none. She is the first person I’ve had this issue with. Seems suspicious. Agreed I have two paths I can heal and move on eventually finding the love that I want and deserve. Or I could continue to go down the rabbit hole with her. Decision seems easy when you put it like that.

LotusBlack I would love your reply if I could. Your response was very enlightening. I highly appreciate it more than you know. Sorry to hear you’re going through what you are.

Yeah I wouldn’t say this is dangerous behavior but is a light form of stalking. I guess my friends are just concerned that the night of the break up she did threaten to hit me multiple times, threatened to self harm herself and blame me. Also if her Dad and Brother showed up that night which they threatened to it would’ve been very ugly for me. Her Dad and Brother love violence and I know they would’ve brought their guns so lord knows how that would have turned out. They just want me to get as far away from the situation as possible bc they are worried about what she is capable of.

So I was on Facebook last night and saw that I had a friend request from some random girl. I had no clue who she was so went to her profile. I noticed that she worked where my Ex use to work before she got fired, was single, and lived in the same town as my ex. So I clicked on her profile pics and sure enough my Ex loved every pic Now it wasn’t a fake profile bc she had a ton of friends and plenty of likes on all her pics. I’m thinking now why on earth is one of her friends trying to add me when one we have never talked or met, and have zero mutual friends. She literally had to go out of her way to type my name out to find me. Then 12 hours later she cancelled the request because I never accepted. Now I wanted to give my Ex the benefit of the doubt that she was not behind it but this was just too weird and random. Even my therapist today said it’s most likely her pulling the strings. He said I highly doubt this girl that knew nothing about you that is friends with her just magically wanted to connect on Facebook. My friends and family even see it as high school game as her trying to get a reaction or testing me. Some of my friends are concerned that her behavior is escalating and that I truly do need to be careful

I am not confusing love with lust. I am 37 years old and I’ve been through both. Sure I miss the sex and physical intimacy part of it but I miss a lot more than that. Our talks that we would have every night before bed. Hearing about her day, doing small things for her, just everything that went into the relationship. I did truly want to build a future with her was far from lust. I’ve experienced lust and it’s nothing like this. You can tell me how you think I feel all you want but at the end of the day they are my feelings. Sure if me telling her how I feel is simping then so be it. I stood my ground our last discussion and told her no when she asked for more money. I have been in NC for 7 days now and will continue to stick with it. Agreed I have not been in NC previously that’s why my healing has been delayed but I know what I need to because any talks with her are not productive by any means. Yes I am seeing a therapist to now work on my self esteem and self worth. He was concerned as to why I’d even entertain her coming back into my life after the way she treated me towards the end of the relationship.

So it has been one month since the breakup. It is hard to believe that it has already been that long as I type this out. Are things any easier? I would say yes they are but definitely have my weak moments which today has been very difficult for me. I think what has delayed my healing is that she has continued to reach out after the breakup with the longest we have gone NC is 11 days which we all know is no time at all. I do know it is my fault as well because I for one didn't have to respond or I could've easily just blocked all forms of contact. I do truly love this girl so one month is by no means enough time to get over somebody especially with there being so much contact after the breakup and also that our relationship was heading in the right direction until she decided it was no longer what she wanted. Last Sunday she told me things such as I don't want anything right now, I am having a hard time getting over everything that happened recently and I am having a hard time trusting you it clearly shows me that healing and moving on is the only option. There's so much animosity towards me so any interaction with her at this point will continue to set me back and delay my healing. I did make sure to tell her I will always have love for her and that I am gonna respect the decision that she no longer wants me in her life. I will say I went on a couple casual dates this week which went well but I felt guilty the entire time as if I was cheating on her. There was nothing sexual at all just felt horrible and was wishing she was the one sitting across from me the entire time. I do truly wish her all the best. Nobody knows what the future has in store but it is obvious at this point in her life she is just not ready for a relationship. My path is clear. I will continue to stick to NC, focus on me such as getting lost in work, the gym, picking up old hobbies, continue to see my therapist and surround myself with friends and family. I do not expect any responses but any insight is always appreciated. I will continue to give updates in my healing journey as this helps me stick to the path I know I need to stay on to come out of this in a much better headspace.

Yeah I know but I’m glad I was strong enough to not cave which is progress this time.

Well I was enjoying myself with friends at a pool party/cookout. I go to check my phone and there she is once again reaching out. The nerve of this woman is unreal. She told me she will not receive her first paycheck for another two weeks and was asking if I could send her money. I did respond with I hate that the only time you ever reach out is when you need money. She goes you think I enjoy this? I'm also having a very hard time getting over what recently happened. I said it's hard for me as well because we could've easily worked through this. She then replied its hard for me to trust anybody. I stated I know that is why I was always honest with you about everything. She goes look I am not trying to get into a fight alright. I said we aren't fighting at all just at this point trying to figure out what you want. She goes right now I don't want anything. I state that is what I figured which is why I have chosen to respect your decision. She was like well I feel like an idiot for reaching out to you. I was like don't I will always love and care for you and of course I would want to help. She goes I am assuming there are stipulations. I said there are none. If we were together I would 100% be there for you but due to the current circumstances I cannot help you. She replied with K. I said I am happy that you're starting your new job and that I'm excited for you. She then goes yup thanks. Do I feel worse? Honestly I might even feel better because she is showing me her true colors and just how truly toxic she is. I am proud of myself for one being true to myself and also standing my ground and not giving her more money. Was it hard yes because I do have feelings and want to be there for her. A few weeks ago I probably would've caved so I am glad to see that I am healing.

I did test positive for the STI. I assumed I would since she tested positive. But I took my two rounds of antibiotics and just waiting another week to get tested which the doctor directed me to do. A lot of people have told me to not beat myself up over it bc it’s very possible she was actually the one that gave it to me. As far as blocking her I need to. People are concerned she will try to come back into my life and the damage she can inflict this time will be a lot more severe. I need to find the strength to do it. I’m not sure what’s making me hold on. I know it’s 100% a me issue.

We have now been broken up for 2.5 weeks and 6 days NC. Is it hard still? Yes my feelings for her were genuine but I am feeling much better than I was when I first made this post. I have worked on getting lost in work and the gym. Seeing a therapist has helped tremendously as we are now working towards why I’d even consider taking somebody back that is this toxic for my mental health. He said we are done talking about your ex as you know what the end result will be if you decide to take her back as long as she’s not being treated for her BPD. We are now working towards building up my self esteem so I realize that I truly deserve more than what she was offering. Which will help me in future relationships to set boundaries and stick to them. Moments of weakness do come but I am excited to continue to heal and come out a stronger person.

You guys are all right. I woke up this morning once again beating myself up and quickly realized that she is being toxic and manipulative. Feeling like that is exactly what she wants. It’s made me realize that isn’t the kind of person I want to be with. Our 10 min conversation yesterday completely drained me more so than my 2 hour workout. Im understanding the toll my mental health will take from her if I don’t walk away As for the messages they weren’t even from exes just girls that I had talked to for a week or two and realized there was no connection. Just honestly forgot they were in my phone.

Morello you make a very valid point. She’s acting as if I ended things. Pinning me as the bad guy. I need to stop allowing her to bring me down bc right now she’s winning and delaying my healing bc I’m enabling it.

Well she broke NC and now I just feel worse. She tested positive again for the STI but she was only on one week treatment and needed to be on two. She showed me the positive test so I sent her another round of money. Then I again told her I’m sorry and she said I’m sure you didn’t know. I said of course not and that I would’ve gone to war for her so of course I didn’t. Then she stated it’s fine. I said it’s not fine bc I love you and I wish things didn’t end like this. She’s like well I’m sure you never got tested after being with 100s of women and that it makes her feel dirty. I stated I tested in November 2023 and it’s not 100s of women but I get it. I said I was always honest with you about my past which im not proud of. Then stating but I can’t change it. Then saying she’s far from being dirty. I just feel so dumb. 12 days of NC down the drain and now I feel worse. Like you slept with me so many times before but now I make you feel dirty? I feel like such a scum bag now bc of her.

Honestly not in the best headspace. I was feeling good about myself in the best shape of my life then I was diagnosed with Bell’s palsy thought I was having a stroke. So this really killed my self confidence. Then I met her online and she was so sweet and supportive. Never judged me for it and treated me like a king. Followed by lovebombing etc. This may be why I chose to avoid the red flags - abusive parents, abusive marriage, always in survival mode, quickly dismissing my feelings etc. It was all there in front of me and I chose to ignore it. Luckily my Bell’s palsy is mostly healed now just now have to heal from this relationship.

I appreciate all the advice. My therapist after my first session left me with this. I no longer even see patients with BPD and you’re over here wanting to be in a relationship with one. Let that sink in.