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JohnnyTable

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  1. JohnnyTable
    Hello, I have been on a few dates with a girl that I really like. She told me that she needs to move really slowly due to some things that happened not too long ago as she was in a long term relationship. That's all I really know about it (I don't know exacly how long ago it was, but I'm pretty sure she has been single for many months). This is cool with me, because I am in the same boat. Any advice on how to make this work for the best? Neither of us is rebounding. I know that we could relate to each other with our stories, but I'm not sure when the best time to bring it up is. I realize that whatever happens will happen naturally, but any advise from experience doesn't hurt either!
  2. JohnnyTable
    Anon, I was in the same situation as you until I found somebody else to spark my interest. Now I have no desire for my ex to contact me or come back. I do not want what I once had. If she did try to contact, I would not answer the phone. I would delete a message before listening. I will delete an e-mail before reading. Why? I don't want her messing up what I might have going for me in the future. There is no benefit for me to have any contact with her.
  3. JohnnyTable
    Once you start to fall in love with somebody else other than your ex, you will then realize why your ex doesn't come back: they simply don't want to. Why do you realize this? Because you don't want them back either! You have new love and you want that instead. It gives good perspective on how the ex felt months before you felt the same way.
  4. JohnnyTable
    After reading what DBL said, I agree with him. You have NOTHING to lose. Go for it. If it is a setup, have fun with it. Pretend that you are in a movie. What would make the movie interesting to the audience? Do that
  5. JohnnyTable
    I think that she was interested in you... however your ex might just be checking up on you. Mine tried to do similiar things through my friends. My friends cut her off. However, I think that you should keep some distance for awhile. Talking to an ex's best friend is like talking directly to the ex in a way.
  6. JohnnyTable
    In the state that you are in, I would consider professional therapy. I have gone through what you have, and I really wish that I had gotten some counceling at the time. This was the ex before my current ex. There is a stigma that therapy is for the weak. I would argue that it is for the people strong enough to seek it out!
  7. JohnnyTable
    I would not write that letter. It puts pressure on her. She does not know what she wants. If she feels pressured, I have a feeling that I know which way should would go. She said that she would call you right? I'd go into NC mode until then. My ex did the same sort of crap with me when she was emotionally vulnerable. Kissing, talking about getting back together, etc. Then she disappeared.
  8. JohnnyTable
    What I am saying is that the sacrifices might be too great at the time. For example one cannot always quit their job in order to have the relationship survive and thus go bankrupt. The other person also may not be able to be with somebody who travels all the time because of what they need. But two years down the road, the traveller might have a new career and a new outlook on life. They may be compatible with their ex. This is all speculation. As I said before, I agree that you should not get back. You should look forward. If you can have a *new* relationship with your ex, then maybe that is possible.
  9. JohnnyTable
    I understand what you are saying. I'm more thinking along the lines of problems that are not obvious and solve with time. For example if one person is travelling a lot for their job and they don't want to stop. Or if somebody is in college and they don't have time for the relationship that the other person requires. That sort of thing. But in general, I agree that you should not get back together.
  10. JohnnyTable
    What if two people break up because of a reason that is not solvable at the time, but becomes solvable in the future? I don't have this situation, I'm just curious.
  11. JohnnyTable
    I also agree that it is okay to respond with something like, "Hey, thanks." But do not call.
  12. JohnnyTable
    Perhaps I overstated. It is difficult for both in the beginning and in the long term. However, it seems as though getting dates and finding people is easier for women then it is for men. As a woman, guys come up and ask your out. A man has to pursue the woman. He might not be in a good situation to do this right after being dumped since his ego is shot and he will look desparate. Now long term - I'm talking over the 1-2 year mark. It seems as though my ex would hold onto the thoughts of her exes and the things that the did to/for her more than I did of my ex. Maybe it was just that our situations were different.
  13. JohnnyTable
    She obviously wants you to contact her. If you don't want to, then don't. Erase the message and move on.
  14. JohnnyTable
    I agree with the others. You need to go into NC. Work on yourself and what you want. Stop being strung along by him. He has no reason to not string you along (except for morals) so he will. It is hard, but I think you must do it. No phone calls. No e-mail. No text. Pretend to forget and then you will. Easier said than done, I'm still working on the forgetting part (I have no problem with NC now). But you have already lost him and there is nothing that you can actively do to get him back in my opinion. You now need to get yourself back!
  15. JohnnyTable
    I think that breakups are initially more difficult for men, at least in my experience. An attractive woman can just put herself out there and get a date in about 10 minutes. Okay maybe I am overstating, but you know what I mean. However long term, it might be harder for the woman. I know that my ex (woman) thought and cared about her previous exes and what they did to her a lot more than I did.
  16. JohnnyTable
    I would seriously consider sticking to the new girl. Your ex left you in the past for somebody else, what prevents her from doing that again? How long were you in NC for?
  17. JohnnyTable
    Be honest. If you wait a few days to respond, just let her know why (ie you had to think about what to say, etc). That way it won't look like a waiting game type thing.
  18. JohnnyTable
    Although she didn't say she was thinking about you, she clearly was since she e-mailed you. However I would not read into it too much yet. I have contacted people from years ago (not exes though) just to feel connected to my past.
  19. JohnnyTable
    Honestly, it does not matter what he thinks. Does he think it is over? Is he just stringing you along? There is now way to tell. Seriously, even if he tells you something, you cannot tell. He can just be lying or he can be confused himself. There is nothing that he can say in e-mail that will make you feel better. Try to write an e-mail to yourself from him that will make you feel better. Is it possible? There is nothing that you can actively do to get him back. I'm convinced of that in most real breakup situations (except that some "breakups" are just manipulation and not real) the dumper has already made up their mind and the dumpee can only do things to push them away. I did the same thing as a dumpee. So now what? *YOU* can decide that it is over. I'm talking 100% over, and yes this will take a little time to realize. At this point, what he thinks or does will have little effect on you. When you decide that it is over, you think about yourself. Now you are in control. Now you *know* that it is over so there is no mystery. He might have a mystery, but who cares. It likely feels like one who is quitting smoking. Some people decide to quit and they never pickup another cig. Some people decide to "quit for awhile" and they always go back to it. So if you decide to quit for good, you are less likely to go back to your feelings for him. After you decide that it is over, you don't care if he tries to come back or not. You don't have to decide now if you would take him back, because how can you live up to that decision? Maybe he will have changed or maybe you will have the new super stud on your arm? Decide that you don't care and leave it at that. Then think about yourself. Although this does not sound like your situation, if it was an abusive relationship or very bad, then I think that one can decide *not* to take their person back ever.
  20. JohnnyTable
    I would do two things: -Read as much as you can on this forum. Many others go through the same things. It seems as though the emotions are very similiar from one case to the next. Lots of people can help you here!
  21. JohnnyTable
    I simply wrote back saying that I don't have it anymore. Now I don't have to think about it again and have closed the issue. I don't have to feel that I ignored her, given that it made me mad that she ignored me.
  22. JohnnyTable
    Hmmm She contacts me after 6 weeks of NC (she ignored my attempt to contact her in the past) asking for her cable box back because she left it and was charged. So now I'm supposed to do her a favor? Right. I don't even have it anyway. I'm not sure that I can even get myself to respond to her as it is offensive that she breaks NC in this manner. Maybe I will feel differently after a few days, but it is annoying when somebody breaks NC for silly reasons especially given how things ended.
  23. JohnnyTable
    Broke up about 3 months ago. She strung me along for months while finding somebody else. We have been in NC for over 6 weeks. I had tried calling but had no response. I do not want her back. The last month has been great for healing. I am really moving on and feeling it strongly. My ex left her cable box after moving out. I was not going to break NC to deal with this, so it went into the garbage since I had no use for it. Then I get an e-mail! She has a bill for $70 because the box is missing. She asks if I have it and wants me to send it to her if so. Honestly, this feels like a slap in the face. Something of that value is NO REASON to break NC with somebody. Just pay the freak'in bill. There is no sentimental value. And then ask me to do a favor? Either she just doesn't care about anything and only wants the money or she is trying to get a response out of me and this is the excuse. I don't think that I could respond even to say that I don't have it anymore. Honestly it feels too offensive after what happened and the period of NC. Do I seem off base here?
  24. JohnnyTable
    I think that your problems are now beyond the scope of this forum You now have a legal issue, not a love issue. I recommend a lawyer. Sorry to hear about your situation!
  25. JohnnyTable
    Delete the number. I still remember my exes number for over 8 years ago! Of course then I had to dial it in instead of using an aias
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