Andrina

Of course you can still be cordial with group friend activities, but I suggest no longer having a one-on-one friendship with him. No more long chats, etc. The friendship when one has had a crush and there has been kissing can never go back to what it once was. Not good for either of you for moving onto romances with other partners. He will have zero time for you when he finds a woman he's crazy about. The same should happen to you when you meet a great guy who adores you and it's mutual. Start making the change now for your own good.

When you are no longer happy with a doctor's services, a restaurant you used to frequent but now has changed its menu for the worst, etc., you stop doing business with said office/restaurant. This is the same situation, so stop doing business with her.

You need a break from dating. For one thing, until you get into the mindset that you're not frightened to date, don't. And don't date until you've worked on boosting your self-esteem. Books and articles can guide you on how to achieve this. Because we subconsciously choose who we think is worthy of us. When your self esteem is low, you will attract and be attracted to guys who treat you poorly. When you have good self esteem, you will stick to a must-have list and a dealbreaker list. You keep the guys who live up to your standards and dump the guys who don't. When you have to nag someone to pay attention to you, you're going about things the wrong way. That's totally unnecessary. You realize a person who has to be schooled on treating you as the special person you are is not the ideal partner. Of course there are times communication is warranted when reasonable, and then you give a person a chance to improve on the reasonable request. If they don't, it means they don't care and you can move on. Always have a fulfilling life besides dating so that when a break up happens, it won't be as devastating as it would if he's the sole center of your universe.

From WellandGood.com: Constant yessing is a great way to guarantee an experience of inevitable burnout. Someone who is saying yes to everything (like dinner, drinks, dates, extra work, your cousin’s dog wedding on a Wednesday) can't possibly want to be doing each item on the to-do list. To this point, saying no requires courage and conviction because it puts you at risk for being “unlikable” and certain personality types find it cognitively difficult to not be agreeable. That leads to “poor decision-making, anxiety or difficulties in interpersonal relationships,” according to 2016 research published in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience. Sound familiar? Your whole life needs an overhaul. Therapy, a life coach, a passion for something like a hobby or volunteering opportunity. A support system of guy friends. I can tell you that not one woman I know of, including myself, would ever date a guy who pays for lap dances and regularly goes to strip clubs. I would never date a guy who has no opinions of his own and is in a sense sucking out my identity and absorbing it into his own. That's creepy and stalker-like. A person with no opinion is boring. It doesn't mean you have to have one if you're not into a particular subject matter, but what do you have to bring to the table as far as starting an interesting conversation? It's also frustrating if a woman expects you to plan a date and you're asking her all the time, what do you want to do? Where do you want to eat? You're the queen, so let your rulings be heard through the land. Newsflash: the only thing a doormat is good for is to wipe the mud off your shoes. Keep doing what you're doing and you will find yourself exactly where you are now: alone. When more than one person gives the same sort of advice, maybe it's time for you to listen.

After 12 dates, if she was truly into you, she would have asked you to fix the breath and cologne instead of dumping you. She's still not into you and likes the ego boost--having an extreme fan. She's selfish, knowing she's getting the attention she wants even if it means leaving you frustrated and unsatisfied. A beautiful face and body doesn't mean a person has a beautiful heart. She's going to dump you all over again or fade away. Use the power of self-worth and don't let this happen. Step away yourself. Block and delete. The right woman will make it crystal clear how into you she is. Hold out for her.

I can say that a few people I knew who were at this type of crossroads and chose to marry, things didn't end well. Never stay in hopes of a person improving and hopes that love will conquer all. If you're not totally happy with how things are in the present, it's naive and too high of a risk to your heart to base decisions on what MIGHT happen in the future. If she happened to read what you've written here, unless her self-love is zero, do you really think she'd want to continue on with you? I know I'd want a man like you to free me to find someone who has great chemistry with me. Do you really think settling is doing you or her a favor? You have a lot to learn about life, so I suggest being alone to get some time and distance away from a wrong match to clear your head and be able to recognize a better match.

After typing all of that, I can't believe you'd even consider staying. When you're unattached, you might hang out with friends and be wild and crazy and not have to be accountable to anyone. When you enter into a serious relationship, a person intent on being in a healthy romance will either change the activities they do with wild friend, and if the wild friend isn't interested in toned down activities, that friend is shoved to the back burner. Because if a friendship is something that interferes with a serious partnership, one of those relationships have to go. They often can't coincide. Your bf isn't accountable to you. He did not invite you to the party, nor tell you about it. That alone should be a dealbreaker for you. There's one or more reasons he didn't want you there. None of them reasonable. The bad outweighs whatever charm he schmoozes. If you keep choosing the same type of guy, you might want to reflect on why. Are you missing red flags? Take care and let us know how it goes.

Since you haven't had enough life experience and more dating relationships, you haven't realized that being with someone with a different libido than you should be a dealbreaker. Do you really think you can't have it all? Of course there are other women in the world who you also enjoy their company plus match in all the other ways including intimacy. Just because you've been together years, doesn't mean you have to stay forever. It's common to outgrow youthful relationships once you move into being an adult. She will be upset with the breakup, but much later she'll know you did her a favor. This will free her to find someone who matches her as well. Because being with someone who isn't satisfied with exactly who you are is no way to live. You'll be doing the right thing, as upsetting as it is. Take care.

I once did years of OLD. As previously said, you can't take what a stranger says as fact. Don't be so naive. Have a wait and see attitude, if it even gets that far. Trying to figure out why a stranger does what he does is pointless. You do you and if it doesn't pan out, there's a good reason. The right person won't leave you hanging. He will put in the effort. He will treat you like the special person you are. Everyone else--be grateful they showed you who they are quickly so you don't waste your time.

Pay for a Dominatrix woman's services, since your passivity, desperation, and routine of going to strip clubs will never attract a mentally healthy partner. With no improvement to your mindset, you will have to pay for sex the rest of your life, so yes, work on getting a good career to afford this.

I don't get why you've given her a card and cake when every year she doesn't mention your birthday the week earlier. Why didn't you just go along with the way she does (or rather doesn't do) things and follow her lead? When she asked you out to celebrate for hers, you could just join the fun without a card or cake. I'm assuming she's otherwise an ideal friend, since you haven't mentioned anything else that annoys you, so let that quirk slide. Sometimes it's a good thing to adapt to someone's differences. Not everyone can be your twin in how they behave, and friends sometimes do disappoint. People are complex. As long as the bad doesn't outweigh the good overall, you should be flexible.

Not all friendships are meant to last forever. The friendship no longer works for either of you. Wrap up the business deal if possible and invest time in friendships that are satisfying.

Are you even sure this was your ex and not some weird scam? You can never be too cautious with all of the impostor scams going on nowadays. E-mails, phone numbers, and Facebook messages are often hijacked.

Who cares what he thinks if you block him? He didn't care enough about you to stay and work on problems versus bailing. It's not petty. It's empowering and will make him lose his ability to intrude on your life. Believe me, you don't want to begin feeling better and getting to a point of not thinking of him daily, when all of a sudden your phone pings because he's having a dry spell, or a girl just dumped him and he's feeling sorry for himself and reaches out to someone who he thinks is a fan. Don't let him use you like this. Don't let him stir up all those emotions in you that you'd worked so hard to move on from. Also tell your friends that even if he reaches out to them and speaks about you, that you don't want to hear about it. You can do this. Have faith in yourself. Take care.

Do you really think she's a quality person, speaking to a guy who is crushing on her about her bf problems and in a weird way, flirting with you? If she'd do that to him, she'd do the same to you if you were dating and arguing. Your crush is clouding your judgment about her. Never put yourself on ice for anyone. The right person is ready and free the same moment you are.

I can't fathom why your title is Planning Alone Time. After you've typed everything you've typed--spelled out all of that emotional abuse you're subjected to--I would have assumed your title might be "Why did I stay even one second longer after the first red flag?" You need to plan permanent space away from him/her/them, and ASAP.

Often, opposites attract, but one has to be okay with, or even like those differences. Communication hasn't worked, so it means neither is willing to compromise, because comprising is too big of an ask in this situation. I'm assuming you're young, as your partner is in university. Just curious if it's your intent to always keep a separate home even after years with a serious partner, or not? There are people who do this, so it's not unheard of. It's just that it will make your dating pool smaller if you explain this is how you intend to conduct your life, which is something important they should know. People can carve out private spaces in their homes, and often do. Or maybe they go outside the home for this, to type stories or read at the library or a cafe, bicycle, hike, etc. Just something to think about for a future, serious relationship. Relationships shouldn't be this hard. Every relationship takes effort and the wrinkles need ironing out, but in your case, it seems that you're both regularly more upset than satisfied, so it's best to bail before you waste any more time.

You've practiced negative self-talk for so long you're going to have to retrain your brain to regularly practice positive self-talk. Ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecies? There were times I did this in the past and learned to totally change my thought processes for the better. Read some articles about this and begin today to practice this learnable behavior. One book that helped me do this was The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Take care.

In this case, this saying definitely is great advice: When the past comes calling, don't answer. It has nothing new to say.

Sorry to hear that. Just know it's often normal to long for a previous home after moving. And as a glimmer of hope, it often takes a few years to get into the groove of a new place.

Sounds like she's doing more of the same. Her pattern. Knowing your friend would pass this info along. I'd tell your friend that if she says anything more about you, that you'd rather not know. Why let her intrude on your closure?

Make a must-have list and a dealbreaker list and stick to it. A wise dealbreaker is that when someone doesn't share your dating/relationship/life goals, you say goodbye. Because yes, it takes dating a boatload of people before finding one who matches you in all the major ways. If you waste long periods on people who don't match you, Mr. Right will walk right by and you won't even have noticed because you're pouring all your time and emotional energy into someone who's just not that into you. What do you think a future date will think when you're friends with someone you wanted more from? Best to let that friendship go. If you're not meeting the right sort of men, change up the ways you normally meet them. Seek alternate opportunities. Good luck.

It's always best to see if everything fits in the present versus only be satisfied if things will change in a major way in the future. Hoping things will improve in the future means the relationship isn't the right one for you. She's plain rude to suggest an expensive restaurant when it's already established you will be paying. Blowing hot and cold usually means a person just isn't that into you. And if you're fearful of bring up your wishes, that you'll scare her away, that's a clear sign you're dealing with a relationship that has a foundation of sea sand. But you're in that rose-colored glasses, hormone driven honeymoon stage so it's predictable you've come up with a theory that suits you. Of why she's hopefully, temporarily, Miss Party Girl. You're foolish to assume. It's always wiser to think, "What I see is what I get." And to think, if everything stays just as it is now, year after year, will I be okay with that?

She might have been okay as a friend, but she's crap as far as dating potential. She likes the fact you have a crush which is good for her ego, but she's just not that into you. That "going slow" you spoke of is total nonsense. In your case it meant you were F buddies. Dating in the good old fashioned "normal pace" works. Try that next time. You need to let your chemistry for her not cloud your brain at what is factual. She's rude to constantly be paying attention to someone else when she's in your company. You felt like she was forced to be with you when you were hanging out. And now you ask what your next step should be if she calls? Do you also enjoying chewing glass? Now that you've crossed that boundary of sleeping with a friend, for your future success in romance, she can no longer be your friend. A new love interest will make a fast exit from your life when she finds out you communicate with and hang out with this woman you slept with. In my opinion, from what I've read about her, this is no loss.

Your self esteem is in the gutter. A man who regularly ignores you and has the poor ethics to cheat is all you think you deserve. You can just as easily find a man to love who has good ethics and treats you like the special person you are, but you keep yourself chained to smelly garbage. Make yourself single. Work on your self-esteem with therapy or at the very least, by reading books and articles on how to achieve this and do the work. Only then will you be ready to date in a way that benefits you.