Andrina

That's junior high behavior. You don't say those things before you've even been on a date. Asking someone to join you for coffee or whatever type of outing, is showing an interest versus telling, and more adult-like. If you mean that you're all long distance and can only see each other at a convention, I wouldn't even bother thinking of her as dating material. Starting a long distance relationship is high risk when you haven't begun locally. Too many cons to LDRs. Otherwise, don't say anything and see if you two share chemistry in person. Are you the type who can read a woman's interest, or are you oblivious to signals or lack of them? Have you had any success dating locally? What's your dating history? How old are you and what is your goal for a relationship? Short term or long term?

I'm not surprised you no longer want to be intimate with him. You likely feel as though you were raped. He ignored your words. He didn't care about your pain and trepidation. Why you assume your relationship is stronger now is probably the case of you settling for what you think is a strong relationship. But your standards in a partner have been extremely low, since you didn't run far and fast away from a man the minute you saw he solely cared about himself. Be alone and learn self-love, self-preservation, and read articles on the traits of a healthy partner. It ain't him!

Like a few others mentioned, the best way to change another is to change yourself. Respond differently than you ever have before. Take them by surprise. Upset the constant, familiar loop. Worth a try. I've never read one good thing about owning a time share. I wouldn't buy it. Here's one excerpt from an article: Many people think that buying a timeshare is a great deal, saving them money over booking a hotel room. In fact, in many cases, if you factor in the additional costs that come with timeshares, like special assessments, maintenance fees, taxes, and the like, you'll find that renting a room in a similar resort ends up being cheaper.

If you're already wondering about what friends and family would say, I'm assuming your goal is to have a long term girlfriend, and you're not thinking fling. In that case, the articles I've read with various studies have been that age gap relationships of 20 years or more end in a 95 percent divorce rate. It would be wise to think of if you really want to pursue someone who is in a totally different stage than you because it does present major problems. I'm assuming you're even close to 28 to 30 years older, so she will be retiring decades later than you. While you're home and retired, maybe wanting to travel and do daily excursions with a companion in the retirement years you've worked so hard for, she'll be toiling away at work another 20 to 30 years. And yes, if circles in both camps raise eyebrows or express concerns over the relationship, even if none of their business, it does incur stress in a relationship. I, for one, have had to often take care of elderly parents when needed besides working full time and overtime. I remember thinking how happy I was not to have a husband their age, because frankly I couldn't handle taking care of his elderly needs when I already have my hands full with my own parents. I look forward to my spouse and I aging at the same pace, enjoying similar life stages, and not dealing with the issues that come along with age gap relationships. Either she's just friendly, maybe likes male attention (I used to work in a building where a woman was a people person, dressed for attention, and had many men thinking they had a shot with her when they didn't), or she does find you attractive. If she's too young and dumb to think of what dating you would end up entailing if it spelled forever, at least you as the older person with life experience should have considered. Just my opinion of course, but it's your life and you can take those risks if you choose. When social distancing is no longer an issue, I recommend Meetup.com activities for singles in your age group. I briefly tried that and enjoyed it, but ended up meeting my husband on OLD.

Truly something wrong with a woman whose heart isn't wrenched out of her chest with not being there for her children, still in the nest, daily. To go from being with them daily to now a random text, without any concerns for their psychological health with this major family change--I don't even know why you'd take her back. No, I wouldn't delay in getting to a lawyer. Someone could whisper in her ear, or it could dawn on her, that she should gain custody of the kids for financial benefit, and that it will be financially trying for her to pay out custody for 3 kids. Without a custody order in hand, she could remove the kids from their home without recourse, since she is a legal guardian. I wouldn't risk that with her strange mental state. My husband's ex abandoned their child for 7 years. He never asked for child support, and then returned 7 years later, establishing regular visitation. She didn't return the child after a weekend visit, and my husband could take no legal action because she was a legal guardian and he didn't have custody papers. When custody papers became established, she wanted to have full custody with him paying her. The judge could see her motive was monetary, and my husband was granted full custody and she had to now pay him child support payments. Don't let this happen to you. You thought you knew her, but clearly you don't, and what you assume she would or wouldn't do could be far worse than you ever imagined. You won't want your kids around the scum she's dating if it comes to inappropriate living/custody arrangements, so make sure in your custody papers that if she takes them to her place, no male is allowed to be there while they are visiting, and other protective orders.

From Forbes.com In the case of marriages that are less than two years old, the foreign spouse is granted conditional permanent residence. On the basis of that conditional green card, the foreign spouse comes to live with the sponsor in America. At the two-year mark of the relationship, immigration officials review the marriage to see if the couple is still together. Those spouses that satisfy officials of the bona fides of their relationship get approved for permanent status. Those who fail are required to leave the country. It sounds straightforward enough, but often it can get complicated. One of the requirements the U.S. imposes on a resident who seeks to sponsor a foreign spouse is an affidavit of support. Filing such a document imposes a 10-year liability on the sponsor for certain types of government-based financial assistance that the foreign spouse - and the spouse’s children - may access in the future. Let that sink in. The theory goes that the sponsor should be held responsible for the costs of a foreign national who, say, goes on welfare after the break-up of a marriage. In that situation, the U.S. government may sue the sponsor to recover the costs involved. In one case I had not long ago, the government was pursuing my client as a sponsor for $90,000 in social services benefits that were incurred by the sponsored parties several years ago. The sponsor argued he should not be held liable because he was disabled by illness and could therefore not support himself, never mind others. The government did not buy that excuse. They wanted their money. I Owe How Much? Often, the realization that a U.S. sponsor is on the hook for a foreign spouse's government debts is a rude awakening. In such moments, the sponsors invariably look for ways to relieve themselves of these liabilities, such as arranging for the removal of the now divorced foreign spouse. If the couple is still on speaking terms, and the foreign spouse is unhappy in the U.S., the spouse may be persuaded to leave the U.S. But this is rare. A more popular, if sometimes more mischievous, method of addressing the problem is a so-called “poison pen letter,” where the sponsor writes to U.S. authorities outlining all the failings of the foreigner and calls on the government to remove that spouse. On occasion, such letters accomplish their goal and the foreign spouse ends up deported. More often, however, the foreign spouse gains permission to remain in the United States despite the marriage breakdown by proving extreme hardship or that the marriage was entered into in good faith or that they or the children of the marriage were subject to extreme cruelty. As might be expected, the situation gets especially complicated for a disillusioned sponsor when there are children involved. For one thing, chances for the foreign spouse to show that the marriage was entered into in good faith dramatically increase. A showing of extreme hardship is also made easier. Still, a foreign spouse must prove certain details to get approval to remain in the United States. First, the foreign spouse must prove that the marriage was a legal marriage in the place where the wedding took place and that it was not terminated. Second, they must show that the marriage was not entered into for the purpose of procuring U.S. residence (re-run The Proposalstarring Sandra Bulloch or Greencard starring Gerard Depardieu for an entertaining and fairly accurate portrayal of this scam). Finally, there must be a showing that no fee, apart form an attorney fee, was paid - such as the $5000 to Cylvia Hayes above. One or more of these failings can sabotage the removal of the temporary condition on the green card. Don't Forget To Ask For The Removal Of Temporary Residence A huge mistake is when a foreign spouse neglects to file the application to remove the condition regarding temporary residence. From the moment the temporary green card expires, that foreign spouse begins accruing unlawful presence. Where such unlawful presence continues for a period in excess of six months, the foreign spouse becomes subject to a three-year bar to re-entry if he or she is removed or leaves the U.S. If the foreign spouse accrues more than one year of unlawful presence, then that spouse becomes subject to a ten-year bar to re-entry. Trouble is, a spouse isn't made aware of these penalties until they travel outside the U.S. and then try to re-enter. A big surprise awaits at the airport. Assuming the foreign spouse applies successfully for the removal of temporary status, the green card becomes a permanent green card. In that instance, the sponsor’s financial responsibility often survives for a period of ten years or until the foreign spouse gains U.S. citizenship. That last part is key. In marriage-based cases, the foreign spouse is eligible to apply for U.S. citizenship after three years of residence. It would be wise to encourage such a foreign spouse to obtain U.S. citizenship as soon as possible, especially if the concern is about future financial responsibility. Not that your marriage won't be happily ever after, of course.

The main reason I as an American would never marry a non citizen? You have to sign an affidavit that you will support the person for a solid 10 years, even if the marriage ends in divorce, and even if a divorce happens within one year. If that person seeks social services support, you could be sent the bill for reimbursement. Too big of a risk when you haven't seen the reality of a person as you would a local person who you regularly date for several years. I'd continue applying for jobs in other places you could enjoy living. Just because you haven't been successful doing so yet, doesn't mean it will never happen. I remember when my husband got laid off in the big unemployment recession. He would get upset when he didn't get certain jobs, but it ended up that he got something even better eventually, so the universe was in his favor. Perhaps explore interesting cities you've never even visited or considered, and maybe your position would be coveted in those areas. If promising, plan a trip and check out the local vibe. You likely still have 30 or 40 years left on the planet, so that's plenty of time to find success in romance. Keep us updated. I wish you luck.

You've already seen a pattern here, so you'd be plain dumb to ignore it. She'd rather run away than care enough to stay and work on issues. She doesn't care enough, regardless of the reason. She either operates like this with every guy, or sees a dealbreaker with you, or something is missing to make her not want longterm. Do you have a fulfilling life besides having a girlfriend, because it seems you have her on a pedestal, and if you've made her the sole center of your universe, I'm sure she feels smothered. On again, off again relationships mean they aren't meant to be. And you're pooh-poohing her view that you're mismatched. Perhaps she has removed the rose colored glasses and you haven't. I'd advise for your own good to end the self-talk about her being the love of your life. It's your wishful thinking, but I'd only believe that if you're together and stay that way the rest of your lives. That belief will prevent you from moving on. You might work on your self esteem during this time, as it could be that you subconsciously accept what you think you're worth, which is someone who treats you like a yo-yo. In my experience, it usually took me at least a good 4 to 6 months to get over someone, and with time and distance, I got a clearer view that the relationship wasn't good for me even if I'd thought so at the time. Those life experiences were helpful for me to realize what I didn't want in a partner, and was happy to be free when the right one came along. I appreciated him all the more.

He at least has a logical excuse for doing this. His very immature brain, which still needs at least another full 7 years to mature in the decision-making area. There are many people in this world we can have chemistry with that transcend age, distance, and unethical circumstances. But that's when you have to take everything in to consideration and often realize that brief fantasy should not translate to reality. Secrets have a way of coming out to bite you in the rear. What if you did this guy and it was over? And then you met a great guy in your age range who wanted to get serious with you, and he found out you did an 18 year old? I know if I found that info out about a person I was dating, I'd make my exit so fast it would make their head spin. Because I think there is something mentally off with a person who would consider doing this with that age gap. If you can't find someone serious to be with in your age range, obviously you don't mind casual since you know this guy would be exactly that. Get on Plenty of Fish and say you're just looking for hookups and you'll get plenty of messages. Eventually though, that sort of life becomes quickly a shallow way of living for most. I'd stick with the plan you really want in life, if you do want longterm. Put in the hard work of finding a decent guy in your age range. It can be like another full time job, but eventually you should find a partner if you stick to it. Try Meetup.com when everyone gets the vaccine. Maybe by summer.

So happy for you. New adventures, endless possibilities. I have 4 years left to get 30 year pension. I'm the type of person who has to be out of the house at least 4 hours a day, so I plan to work at a less stressful job and/or do some volunteering that regularly takes me out of the house. I get too bored staying home all day, even though I do write novels as a hobby. I might work at the library. I might volunteer at a nearby group home for children who are temporarily there while awaiting foster homes. I have my bucket list of places to visit, like Alaska. Sometimes it's fun to learn a new language if you're thinking of visiting another country in the future. My friend volunteers on a horse farm where kids with disabilities get to ride the horses. I used to be a docent at the zoo when I had time. There are also museum docent volunteers. You might want to even start your own Meetup.com group. Enjoy!

Why do you want to do it anonymously? My advice is to join a writer's group in your area. I belong to one for novel writing. Many eyes and viewpoints can help eek out the best in your work.