Andrina

To me, that sounds like sabotaging the relationship, but in a different way other than infidelity. Make sure you really are serious about continuing this relationship and not just staying because she's been a major part of your life from youthful days and you're merely used to her being around. Questions to ask yourself to know if you're really serious about becoming the mature adult it takes to build a beautiful life with someone. Am I willing to never drink again, knowing I lack good sense when I do so? Am I willing to stop building friendships with women who flirt with me and who, if I was single, would want to date? This includes not communicating with these women by text nor any social media. Am I willing to delete and block anyone who crosses boundaries and is bad for my relationship, including the woman who took advantage of me? Am I willing to solely behave in ways whereas if my gf was a fly on the wall, she'd be happy about what she observed? If you're unwilling to abide by any of those things, do your gf a favor and let her go to find someone who is worthy of her. If you're serious about stepping up, good for you and good luck.

Do you know for a fact anybody you've mentioned really knows about you, or are you merely assuming because he's told you this. How old is he now and how many years ago was it that his last major relationship ended? Yes, that's extremely abnormal behavior. Usually players hide their girlfriends because they don't want their buddies telling him what a dirtbag he is. Or, he has a harem of female friends, so he likes to keep an illusion of availability because he likes flirting with them, even if he's not dating them. Do you have a personal deadline of when you would split if he fails to elevate your relationship to the next natural step?

As far as what's in this paragraph, your first mistake was double asking. He already had plans, so the ball was in his court to then suggest an alternate date, which someone truly interested in you will ALWAYS due in a timely manner. Think about what you would do in the same situation. I doubt you'd leave a guy hanging you were really into who asked you out if you already had plans. I bet you'd say, I can't go out on Friday, but I'm free Saturday. How does that day work for you? Moving on to the last sentence, the fact you didn't break up with him as soon as he uttered those cruel words to you means your self-worth is lacking. Again, would you ever speak to anyone like this? Doesn't sound like it. You deserve so much better than this idiot. But you need to get to the point where you really believe you're worthy of someone great. If you don't achieve that, you're bound to repeat this pattern of not recognizing toxic people soon enough, and hoping the happy beginnings will return when the present has taken a nasty turn. Take care.

It's a very serious decision, and you're wise to consider whether to end things now or to move forward with her, although you need to have further discussions with her. If it were me in that position, I'd find out from her how she envisions the future. Will her mother live with her forever, even if your gf got married or had a longterm serious relationship with a man? As I know that if her mother doesn't have the financial means to move out, maybe she won't. And you should also consider that you are taking on a bigger role as a parent since the childrens' father has passed away. I know you don't know them well yet, but adults not related to a child either has chemistry with them or not. I used to be a childcare teacher, so I know there there were children I worked with who I could have adopted, and others I had no interest in adopting. If you don't feel the capability of loving those children in the future, I'd opt out of dating their mother now. Kids don't need someone who can't be crazy about them. I know that happened to my friend when her mother died when she was 7, and the stepmother liked all the other kids in the family better, and my friend suffered from that and even tried to commit suicide when she was 13. Do make sure she has the time to date you as much as you like to get together. It's okay not to sacrifice your happiness in that area just because the person you've dated is kind. I know when I was single I rejected dating one guy when I found out what little time for me he'd have because of child custody schedules. Good luck, whatever you decide.

Some women, who are wishful and really into a guy, look for signs he's feeling the same as her. I've learned that things like the above quote are meaningless without the all-important suggestion of being monogamous, and then following through with being faithful. From the beginning, your brain was not in sync with your heart. You let your chemistry override good reasoning. In the future, relationship success won't happen until you're wise about your standards and must-haves, and avoid dealbreakers. Don't you think his goal was always short-term since he knew he was leaving in half a year? Why would he seek long term, knowing that would turn into a LDR? He never veered from his initial intentions. And you saw something you wished to see but was not reality--that he's been into you as much as you have been into him. He's never done anything to show he's falling in love with you. He has, no surprise, tried to be intimate with you, knowing very well, unless he's the dumbest man on the planet, that that act would be hurtful to you in the end. I wouldn't even take it as fact that he's actually moving to another country. That might be his modus operandi to pretend there is a reason, other than that he's a player, that he won't be progressing to the expected stages of a relationship many women expect. He can, in his mind, make a clean exit, and a woman will think he's moved and he can move on to the next target. He's probably losing interest now since 5 months of hotness on the proverbial ice cube hasn't resulted in wearing you down. Just something to consider, since you think you know him well, but you really don't, and unfortunately there are many scammers in this world. He doesn't even deserve a goodbye. Just block and delete. Learn from this experience and hopefully you'll have more optimum results in the future. Take care.

Yes, you've been too passive in your dating life, just accepting those guys who paid attention to you and not cutting them loose when they told you their dating goals weren't the same as yours. I made mistakes when I was in the dating scene as well. The thing I found I did well was cutting off men when I found out they would still want to multi-date after being intimate with a woman. I am fine with multi-dating if you're going out with others without being intimate, like two or three dates when you're meeting to get to know one another. When I'm so into a guy and was at the point of wanting to be intimate, I preferred someone who was on the same page as me--wanting to solely focus on one another and not date others. Didn't mean we'd made some forever commitment to one another. It just meant that at these beginning stages, we didn't feel comfortable making out with one another and then going on with dates with others to do the same thing. Usually it takes dating a boatload of men to find the right one. Your problem has been that you've wasted huge amounts of time with guys who should've been released the moment you found out that a short term relationship was their goal. Lesson learned, so now you know how to more forward more successfully. Take some time to work on your self-worth so you're strong in your convictions to do the absolute best for yourself in the future. Take care.

Wouldn't it have been more interesting to find out about the person sitting across the table from you than speaking about someone you'd had a crush on? Stick to safer topics. There does come a point when a dating couple discusses, in general (if their smart) past relationship history. The reason for that is to assess if they are decent dating material, or to recognize red flags. Such as if a person is capable of a longterm relationship if that's your goal, i.e, if a person is 50 years old and his or her longest relationship was 6 months. Or if the person admits to cheating on their last partner. No going into detail. And who you had a crush on recently, and irrelevant experiences such as that, should never be mentioned. Anyway, what's done is done. Just learn from your mistakes.

If he was in intensive care, his wife and immediate family will be the only ones allowed to visit him in the hospital, unless he specifically fills out medical documents that have to be notarized. Even if you two co-habitate for 30 years, it's his wife who will benefit from any pension he has and retirement plan annuities if he has those sorts of things. The best way to look at things would be to realize that if you cannot be happy without a major change happening, it's not the right relationship for you. Nothing's changed in three years, so it'd be unwise to assume that change is in the midst. Once one excuse is no longer an excuse, a new excuse will surely pop up. That'd be more likely than things going the way you wish.

No you didn't. You should have blocked him immediately and told your friends you didn't want news of him. Never too late to do that, so do so now. As you can see, he has made himself present in your life again, bringing him forefront into your mind, setting you back to square one for closure. Time to block him completely so you can get on with your healing and moving on stages. It doesn't matter why he does what he does. As the saying goes, "When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to say."

With what you've written above, you've crossed relationship boundaries. The advice, if you were married and going to a couples counselor, would be the same as in this situation. You would be advised to tell this woman you're having an emotional affair with that you've realized you made a mistake, and need to no longer hang out one-on-one, and to lose each others phone numbers, because you're in a committed relationship. Nobody can tell you what to do. Think about each scenario, what I've written above, or the discussion you'd have to have breaking up with your girlfriend. Which decision makes you feel worse/out of the question/more devastating? Maybe you can gain some clarity with that. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you stay with your gf, don't feel like you can still hang out with the local lady, even if neither of you get physical with each other. When you treat people how you would like to be treated, you can't go wrong. As in, if you wouldn't want your gf to be crossing relationship boundaries with a local dude at her college, don't do that either. Emotional affairs are just as damaging as physical ones. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I can't even believe you wanted to go on a 3rd date after even one discussion about another man. Her attractive looks likely had you keeping rose-colored glasses on. It's really okay if people like to multi-date until becoming exclusive with someone and it's best to have a don't ask, don't tell policy. But in her case, she was never really that into you, and treating you more like a friend she was having an outing with and chatting about the guy she has a crush on. Because unless a woman is a clueless dolt, if she meets a guy she's wowed by and wants more dates with, she's not going to risk losing out on that opportunity to talk about the other guy orbiting around her at work. You were a fun distraction when she had no other plans at the moment, and that's not fair to you. She's no loss. This now leaves you free to find someone worthy of you. I know when I did OLD, I went through a lot of crappy dating experiences too. Eventually, I did meet the right guy and we've been happily married for 11 years. Good luck!

It sounds like you might be the type of mother who enables her son, and enabling is never in the best interest of your grown child. When he knows you will soften the blow and fill in the blanks when he should be the one stepping up to the plate, he will continue to weasel his way out of situations. If you live in the U.S., this country never lets children starve to death. There are programs if parents need it called WICK. Free formula, etc. These two grown adults made the decision to have unprotected sex and now must live with the consequences. Don't go running to bail them out and finance the support of this child, even if it's your grandchild. You have your retirement funds and own livelihood to keep up with. Of course, reasonable purchases like a box of diapers when the baby is born and few outfits are normal gifts grandparents like to give. They have to figure out how to ensure the baby's well-being without regular significant monetary sacrifices on your end. Good luck during this stressful time.

My older brother ended up being a deadbeat dad. My parents did not pay the lack of child support, but did do extra things besides regular gift giving like buying basketball shoes when their grandchild needed them for sports activities, etc. And they also regularly visited their grandchild and brought her on trips, all the while enforcing the mother's rule that the child not see her dad. The mother never sought a divorce or child support at that time. Of course, nowadays, fathers will get their driver's license revoked amongst other penalties if they fail to pay. I would probably try to stay out of it as little as possible until the baby is born and paternity is established. Always be aware of scams and the lengths people will go nowadays to commit them.

Discussion topics that might help: Just as divorced parents shouldn't badmouth each other to their child, because the child loves each parent and that causes hurt, a spouse shouldn't badmouth their spouse's parent. Discussing boundaries in a constructive way is different than badmouthing and making faces at a spouse or grumbling whenever a text or phone call with the parent happens. Ask if the tables were turned and you gave your wife the stink eye every time she interacted with her parents, how that would make her feel. And yes, don't make the goal about everyone liking each other. The rule should be that everyone is pleasant in each other's company. When someone crosses that boundary, the visit or phone call is cut short. And you as the son and spouse need to speak up and let your spouse or mother know they've said something hurtful and that's not happening on your watch. Also, know that children are sponges and absorb EVERYTHING. They feel the vibe in all these interactions. They see and hear what's going on. Do not let him live in a toxic environment because the adults around him won't do the work to act like the caring adults they should be. If indeed you've made improvements, tell your wife you'd like positive reinforcement instead of continuing to treat you like a naughty boy who needs to stay in the corner. What incentive is there to improve further when she continues to punish you? I'd really suggest going to marriage counseling so an impartial skilled professional can perhaps get through to your wife whereas you haven't. Good luck!

What I was told by a real estate professional when I planned to rent out a previous home was this: If you don't have the heart to evict a non-paying tenant, no matter their situation, then don't be a landlord. Her assaulting you, by itself, is reason enough to kick her out and overrides the fact you might lose the connection with her son. That's a sad situation, but often life is filled with many of those instances we have to accept. You can still try to keep your relationship with her son, though it may not happen. I'd give her notice of when she has to move out.

I'm of the sort that whether it be for romance when I used to be single, or with friendship, you don't do a lot, if any, double-asking. You ask them to do something and if they can't, the ball is in their court to ask you to do something. If they don't, there's your answer and you haven't wasted any excess energy on someone who doesn't make you a priority. I know I had a 10 year friendship end after the only time she reached out, 3 times in a year, was to ask a favor. I saw that with others over that period, she did manipulate people and use them, though had a lot of good qualities as well. Our friendship worked while it did, and then it didn't. I didn't have any discussion with her about what I felt as to me, her actions spoke for itself. We let each other fade away. If she did ask why I stopped reaching out, I would have told her the truth. But since she didn't, to me she doesn't care and I don't beg people for attention or try to coerce them to change. In your shoes, I'd do just what I mentioned above and let the cards fall where they may. If you feel like he's inviting himself over for free tea and alcohol and you'll be bitter if that happens, just say you're busy. If he values your friendship, he'll figure out that a real invite to a fun event for quality time is something you're more likely to say yes to. If he doesn't ask you to do anything, don't make any effort yourself. It's a shame if the friendship fades to nothing after so many years, but you shouldn't be the only person driving the train. Good luck.

There are a lot of things on overdrive in the beginning of a relationship when hormones are running high. Basically, you have to have a wait-and-see attitude of how things play out past the honeymoon phase, if it even gets that far. It's normal to feel anxious when you're into someone and are on a weak foundation which you haven't yet built. Sorry, but nobody has a crystal ball to predict if you two will work out or not. And there is nothing that will prevent heartbreak if things don't work out. People have to take risks in romance, or else choose no heartbreak by never trying, but the downside of that is loneliness. The best way to date is to date someone who you see as a good risk to your heart. Observe. Don't ignore red flags. Have your own must-haves and dealbreakers and stick to them. Instead of worrying about if he's into you and what he might do or not do, have a mindset that he has to treat you special and be meeting all of your main needs to stay in your life. Of course, communication is key so if you want to know something, ask. Also know that a person you barely know can lie, so you will still be having to pay close attention as time goes by, to know the real person. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

When two people have two different relationship goals, the outcome is disaster. You will continue being invested, and the hurt will be even greater when she eventually dates again and you're placed on the back burner or totally shoved off the stove. Believe me, she will become less interested in a friendship with you when this happens, and/or her new bf will give her an ultimatum of ending communication with an ex or he's walking. Who do you think will be totally out of her life when she already let you go, knowing it could spell forever? In loving her, you're missing what should be clear. Whatever she gets from being "friends" with you, whether it be an ego boost from having a fan, or that it lessens her guilt over going cold turkey with no communication--the fact is that she knows staying in contact hurts you and is unhealthy for you, and yet she doesn't care. When there were no relationship issues, it's even more relevant as there was nothing to fix. Merely that this was a starter relationship for her, and she lost feelings when the unexplored became too intoxicating. It's not being a jerk to go no communication. You explain that for your own good so you can move on, that for your own good, you need to not keep an ex present in your daily life. That will prevent you from bonding with a new lady in your life, after you've healed and moved on. With no contact, you will stop thinking of her daily after a good 4 to 6 months. And when you do meet a new lady, she won't appreciate you being in touch with an ex you never wanted to be an ex. There is not only one person in the world you can share happiness with. You're too close to the situation to see this right now, but be assured, she was not your one chance in life for this. Surround yourself with friends, family, and fun hobbies right now. If you don't have that support system, it's time to create that, because a romantic partner cannot be your everything in life. That's too much pressure on her and she will find you boring for not having a fulfilling life besides her. Take care.

Normal parents would die for their children if necessary. He won't even talk to his own kids? The fact you've ever considered him as a prized lifetime partner shows what little self-worth you possess. The good thing is that he's so far away, even if he's pissed off with the breakup, he sounds too lazy to drive all that way to get you back. Be alone until you work on your self-worth, or you'll just repeat an unending loop of choosing toxic men.

Playing with him over and over again when he pouted after each loss teaches him that he can act like an idiot and you're still willing to play with him. Trying to engage with him, seeking his attention after he acted like a jerk teaches him that being a jerk has absolutely no consequences where you are concerned. You teach people how to treat you. If they don't learn the lesson after you have boundaries and a spine instead of laying down like a doormat, it's your cue to walk away.

Well, as Dr. Phil says, past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. It takes an epiphany for a person's ethics to change. Doesn't look like he's had an epiphany. You will feel a whole lot more secure choosing someone with the same ethics and boundaries as yourself. You will have to free yourself to find that sort of guy.

No matter who gives in, if one of you did, the bitterness would end up killing the relationship, regardless. Of course it's natural to become attached to someone you've been intimate with, shared meals with, enjoyed time with. We are not robots. That said, life is not for sissies. One has to make the hard decision of leaving what is not good for us to be single and free for someone who is a better match. When you get time and distance away and this relationship is in your rear-view mirror, you will see things more clearly and will feel better and more confident about your decision.

Most friends are able to handle temporary moodiness and negativity from a friend, but when it becomes the majority of the time, nobody would enjoy being around that. Just because she was your friend for many years doesn't warrant your faulty expectation that it was an unconditional love that would withstand a lifetime. Also, a friend will feel smothered if she's your only friend. Too much pressure that she's the sole social outlet for you besides family. I've had friendships end for various reasons that were upsetting too. Most of us do. I'm sorry you're struggling with that and your mental health. For now, pamper yourself to bring small joys into your life. Try a new recipe. Start a new hobby like pottery, painting, creative writing, a book discussion group--anything that interests you. Give your medication time to work, and if it doesn't, ask if another medicine might work better for you. When that's all sorted, make sure you're involving yourself in groups where you might meet new friends. It's best to have at least a handful of friends so that if one drifts away, you still have other buddies to hang out with. Take care.

If you ask for a reasonable request, a person who cares will want to please you. He doesn't care that you're not happy. I know that when I rented another house I used to own, the couple leasing decided to divorce. I said I'd release them from the lease as soon as I found a new renter, which was rather fast. Ask your bf if he wants to find a new roommate or if he'd rather you two ask the landlord if you two can be released from the lease when the landlord finds a new renter. There are always long waiting lists for apartments, so I'd find it strange if this can't be arranged. Good luck.

If you go to any bar or festival or any other place where there are a huge group of people, you will normally find at least one person in the crowd you will find attractive. My suggestion is to not track this woman down because it's not normal behavior and will warrant a restraining order. Join clubs, meet up.com groups, online dating, go to dance clubs, etc. and meet women the normal way. How old are you? Why are you new to the dating scene? Your full-on approach and being a detective is not conducive to success. You have to be a lot more mellow and have a wait-and-see attitude when dating. Don't assume a woman will be your girlfriend because you've had one date. Seems as though you might be the type that will go over the top on these things, so pace yourself. Do you have a handful of friends you can get advice from? Have you observed how they handle the dating world? Have you had any platonic female friends?