Andrina

You have to do what's best for other people in these cases, instead of what's best for yourself. So yes, a romantic partner deserves this info.

Don't try to figure out people like this. She's not good for your mental health and distracts you from your dating goals. She has survived on this planet before she met you and she will survive without you. She can confide in her boyfriend and her girlfriends. Someone pretty paid attention to you, and you enjoyed that regardless of her emotional dumping of her toxic past. Believe me, it's a lot more fun to enjoy the company of a lady who is crazy about you and you're going out to dinner, holding hands and talking about more enjoyable topics.

Yeah, never make a major decision when one or both lack 100 percent confidence. Better to be tired with a commute than regret decisions made too quickly. You've only gotten out of the honeymoon period, probably 6 or 8 months ago. Get another good year under your belt without moving in together. You really should consider your financial goals for the future, longterm. I know you're now renting, but what would be your ideal for yourself? Because I'm assuming you don't want to forever be paying him rent, and then you have zero equity in a home. What would happen if he has a thirty year loan, and you've been with him 29 years and he dies. There's no guarantee he will be leaving you the entirety of his house or half of it. His child might be the sole inheritor of it. And you, who are not a spouse, might find yourself in your old age with no nest egg or place to live. When you're getting ready to retire, you want your house paid off and only have to pay property taxes and homeowner insurance. You don't want to work full time the rest of your life having to pay high rental fees. Just some things to think about, because besides romance, you have to ensure your livelihood. You better iron out everything, and make sure his life goals match yours. If he refused to eventually refinance and put you on the deed so you're co-owner, or to buy something new together, it's not in your best interest.

If your spouse feels really strongly about something, and it is reasonable, I think that's what should reign over "having fun with buddies" for 4 hours. When they're doing that, go get a few beers and a bite to eat at Sloppy Joe's or Captain Tony's and walk around town or something. You never know. One of the other guy's might be more comfortable hanging with you when you bring up what you'll be doing. If not, you'll probably meet some new people to chat up at the other bars, etc. It'a a short time in the brief span of things, and you can enjoy your camaraderie during the remainder of the trip.

Well, the only reason she's doing this is because it feels good for her to have a fan. It boosts her ego. If she had normal, healthy ethics, she'd be caring enough to stay out of your life. If she actually has a bf and it's not a lie to keep you at arm's length, she's also showing poor ethics. Because if I was a woman in her situation, for the sake of my primary relationship, I wouldn't set up a non-essential activity with a guy who has a crush on me. It's like you're so thirsty, you're brushing away the red flags whipping in your face. Let's look at a scenario that could happen in the future: You're on a third date with a woman and it's going exceedingly well. Your phone pings and she sees this "friend's" name pop up on your phone. She: Oh, who's that? You: Just a friend. She: Did you ever date? You: For a week, and then she didn't want to date anymore. She sees a weird look on your face. "Oh, you didn't want it to end?" You: Another weird look on your face. "No." If I were that woman, that'd be my last date with you because I've never continued dating anyone who stayed in touch with exes, unless they had children together. There may be women who accept this, but you're already cutting your small pool even smaller. And yes, every time your "friend" calls, it will set you back to square one for closure. Blocking someone isn't a crappy thing to do. It's called self-care. But you can, if you like, explain why you're doing it and a caring woman would understand. A woman who only cares about having a fan will argue the point, and you shut her down and do what's best for yourself anyway. Perhaps if you get out of this pattern of being a doormat and ignoring red flags, your luck in romance will improve.

This is all BS. Your mindset is totally off-kilter, and you will continue screwing yourself over because of these "ethics" which might sound good to someone like you who settles for stale crumbs. It's okay to realize you made a mistake when making an offer like you did, and to tell her. "I thought it was a good idea at the time to invite you to my office, but I no longer think it's a good idea. I hope you understand I'm no longer up to communicating outside of work, but of course, we'll continue to be pleasant whenever we do run into each other at work." This woman doesn't care about anybody but herself. What do you think her bf would think if he knew she'd be hanging out, when not necessary at work on a "special day," with a guy who has a crush on her? This is not a woman you should care about breaking plans with. And it's obvious, even after all she's shown you about herself, that if next week she said it didn't work out with her bf and she was free to go out with you, that you'd jump at that opportunity. As I said in another post, you won't have any good luck when you think so lowly of yourself. Be alone until you achieve this, and then why not try Meetup.com groups for singles in your age group. You will at least know these are single women willing to date, and they will be outside of the work environment. Don't be so passive about "Well, if she doesn't text me she'll be doing me a favor." Nonsense. Take action and block her. You need to be the driver of your life, not be some passenger where another driver is in charge, letting you on or kicking you off.

Something about her behavior, although over a different topic, reminds me of a toxic man I was in a one-year relationship many years ago. My guess for him, and your gf, is that they have such severe issues, that for some reason, they are acting out and truly enjoy their games--basically emotionally torturing their companion. His had to do with being a workaholic. He worked about 12-hour days Mon. to Fri., and then a 7 hour day on Saturdays. He'd get my hopes up that he actually wouldn't work on a Saturday, or cut off a few hours from Saturday work, so we could do something fun. It never happened. Similarly, he had a low libido, although didn't seem to play mind games about it. I know how it feels though, to be frustrated in that area. And my brain told me I was the same woman he desired during the honeymoon stage, but I couldn't help feeling undesirable, and it was a horrible feeling. I also had a friend when I was a teen who secretly enjoyed breaking other people's possessions. It was clear and everyone could see it. It doesn't matter what these people's issues are. Leave them to it, but it doesn't mean you should subject yourself to being around them. When I got time and distance away from that man, I realized my self-love wasn't as healthy as I thought it'd been. He then texted me about 5 months later after breaking up with me, and by that time, I was strong enough to tell him, "No thanks." The next man I dated was a million times better and who was worthy of me. We've now been married for 11 years. Be like Goldilocks and keep on searching. Don't settle for too hard or too soft. "Just right" is not settling.

Being blood relatives doesn't mean you have to have anything to do with one another, when you're not enjoying each other's company. Sounds like you're not hurting anyone if you cut ties. She must have a screw loose to invite your in-laws to dinners and not you. I'd communicate to her it's best you two go your separate ways.

If you fully digested what I wrote, the answer to this is no. You're obviously lacking in self-worth. You're not going to date wisely until that problem is rectified. Read books on how you can improve your self-worth and/or seek therapy. There are pretty women free of the issues she has, but to gain their interest, you need to like yourself and exude confidence. Doormats are not attractive. As George Lucas told a young Carrie Fisher who was in an affair with married Harrison Ford, "Look at who you're with and that's what you think of yourself." In her case, she didn't value herself to allow that inappropriate relationship. This woman likes the ego boost of you having a crush on her. That's it! Don't let her bat you around for her amusement like she's a cat and you're the mouse or lizard.

A person like this whose depression isn't under control with meds and therapy, added upon that severe emotional baggage isn't relationship material, clear and simple. And you label yourself as caring, yet you likely have a White Knight complex. People with that complex feel they are doing the right thing, but they really can't save anyone and end up getting dragged down into the muck themselves. Even more, it's juvenile behavior to get a friend to intervene and be a mouthpiece for her. Don't accept those breadcrumbs and don't get pulled into a relationship 100 percent on a path to failure. You have a lot to learn about dating wisely, and getting together 3 times the very first week is way too much. It's a sign you have nothing fulfilling going on in your life outside of dating, and that will make you look like a barnacle. Keep up with your hobbies/interests, hanging with friends, and everything else you normally do when not dating. Read some books about dating properly if you've had a pattern of failure in that area. Good luck.

Whatever life goals a person has, they set their life up to achieve that. A man with a goal of having an exclusive lifetime partner would live alone. His household would be conducive to get togethers in his home with his one love, without "roomies," unless in your early twenties when that's normal and a person is getting his/her first start away from a parent's home. He's 33. Well beyond that "first start." You've communicated your wishes and he doesn't care. You can't have closure when you're always in contact with him. And yeah, a week of heady sex will have you thinking in a fantasy world that you're both so ready for everything to be close to perfection in your relationship. Yet you're already stressed out about his decision making skills. When you get time and distance away from him with NO CONTACT, you will shake your head at your own decision-making skills for wanting to get back together with this childish man.

You're only there temporarily. You likely don't hail from the same city (I'm assuming.) You're naive to think this will blossom into a forever love where one of you will uproot and move to the other's city for happily ever after. Chemistry is only biological. You have to look at everything beyond that. His friend asked for your number. If his friend thought or knew this guy wanted to date you, he wouldn't be asking for your number. Therefore, the guy didn't relay this to his buddy. He's showing you his pattern of how he likes to spend his leisure time. Going to the bar every night with buddies isn't conducive to creating a a healthy dating situation. As for you, you're going to have to get a spine for your own protection. Giving a number to a guy you didn't want to give a number to just to avoid awkwardness? You're making yourself vulnerable to unsafe practices, and worrying more about another person versus doing what's best for yourself. I'd avoid getting involved with someone who doesn't live in your permanent city. You will be very busy in your PhD program, and won't have time for a LDR (not that he seems interested in something serious). In your shoes, I'd only date upon my return to the city where I normally live.

Breakups are upsetting. But when it happens, after going through all of the necessary stages, you will eventually heal. For me, I know it took about four months before I stopped thinking of an ex on a daily basis. When you think about it, that's a very short blip of time in your life, versus the next fifty or more years you likely have left on the planet, where you'd be anxious, rarely being intimate, and being with someone who doesn't prioritize you if you don't end things now. There are always consequences for action or inaction, and they are either good or bad. Do what's best for yourself, even if difficult. Nobody said life was easy.

Unwarranted jealousy is an act of abuse, since I'm assuming you're being verbally attacked for a crime you haven't committed. Abuse is a dealbreaker to anyone with self-worth.

The mistake you made is to become exclusive with him without discussing relationship boundaries. Because you have to share them to be in a happy, successful relationship. Better late than never. Be clear and honest with yourself of what you want those boundaries to be, and then communicate what they are to him, i.e., "I realize we never discussed relationship boundaries. I want to tell you mine to see if we're on the same page." If he's not and argues with you--isn't willing to bend because he prefers his own which don't match yours, then you will have a hard decision to make. If you don't want to settle and live an upsetting life when a person doesn't match you, you will have to free yourself from the situation. If he's willing to see your point of view and finds it reasonable, he will agree to the relationship boundaries you find important. I know how you're feeling, because even if she is a lesbian and he has no romantic interest in her, there is a different dynamic because of the opposite genders, and you like being the only female besides his family that you want him having that sort of closeness with. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

The majority of the time, nice memories do not equal regret. They are beautiful mementos, in the form of photographs, many choose not to destroy. If a person lived in the past, regretting what would could've been with that former love in the teen years, it would be impacting a present relationship. If that isn't happening, you're worrying over absolutely nothing. And making mountains out of molehills is a surer way to sabotage the good of what you have.

I think it is wise to be thinking about the optimum place for you to be as you're getting older and might eventually need assistance from family. Not that there are any guarantees, but women usually outlive men, so if you move in with him and he dies when you two are far older, it'll be more stressful for you to uproot to another state at a later stage in life. After my parents retired, I told my parents they'd have to move to my state if they wanted me to help in their elderly years. I think it would've been more optimal for them to have moved then, so they could establish new friendships while still healthy and active, and then they could have had friends over for meals, even if housebound. But they waited until my mother was in really poor health. Of course, they enjoyed seeing us family, but had no friends near me and they joked their only social life was going to the doctor and dentist. The fact you are even considering the possibility of moving to another state to me is telling that you'd probably get over him in due time without too much heartbreak.

I prefer a guy like me, who only has a rare moment where we can't help but check out an extremely good looking person a few times a year when out shopping, etc. Or to briefly admire an especially charismatic we have a crush on who's on a favorite show. To me, that's normal. What your bf is doing is not normal. To me, something like that done on a daily basis is a real show of what he enjoys in life. Ogling. If you can't help but think of him as a pig and sleezeball, why would you consider him as a prized person to make your one and only? Yeah, hold out for the gold and haul this garbage to the sidewalk.

Who is more financially well off? You or your husband? Do you own a house together? Do you have shared credit cards and bank accounts? Make sure you're protecting your assets.

I think you're looking for a ray of hope because you deeply care for this man. But as said, when you can only be happy if there is a major change, it usually means said partner is not the right person for you. Because there is no guarantee he will choose therapy, or if he does, no guarantee he'll stick with it. I speak from experience, as my first husband suffered from depression. He expressed it with unwarranted anger. During the worst years, added to that was self-isolating, and assessing situations with extremely faulty perceptions. He did get on meds and therapy after I seriously threatened divorce, and the therapy actually worked for two years. After that, he said he never meant to be on meds for a lifetime, got off them, and became even worse. I eventually divorced him, which free me to find, years later, a companion I could actually enjoy. Your relationship is fairly new, and I'm assuming the newness, for a while anyway, was exciting. But now you're better seeing the reality of things. People don't have to be joined at the hip, and should have some time apart on their own activities, but in your case, I think you two are way too far apart to be able to come up with a happy medium. In your shoes, I'd learn from this experience of what doesn't work for me, and free myself to find a more compatible companion. Take care.

People usually have many priorities in life, spreading their love and attention and time among everyone they love or enjoy spending time with. When this is done in a healthy way, a partner is happy. You are not happy because the times it should be your turn, it's not. And she treats you like you and she are both teens, adhering to strict parental rules, and her daughter is the mom. Yeah, not normal. Sorry you will be dealing with a breakup. On the bright side, you will be free to eventually find a more suitable partner.

Have you ever even looked into the costs of the Visa process, that you might be financially responsible for someone for 10 years since you will sign an affidavit of support, even if there is a divorce if the person is allowed to stay in the U.S.? Also how that person can't work or get a driver's license for a certain period of time. How they go through psychological turmoil, leaving all their friends and family. You're choosing a very high risk way to go about finding a mate. I can't imagine you pulled out all the stops before giving up. Unless you weren't willing to date women on your level of attractiveness.

Your friends might be seeing things you're not aware of. In your shoes, I'd ask my friends if there are any areas they see I could improve in to be more successful in the dating world. Tell them to be honest for your own good. Working on boosting your confidence level? Hair and/or fashion makeover? Smiling more? Not acting like a doormat? Keeping conversation topics positive? Improving conversational skills? What are you good at? Perhaps if you take up a new hobby you can be passionate about, that will resonate and infuse your personality with an extra joy-boost that will draw people toward you like a magnet. Besides OLD, try Meetup groups. Do volunteer work where people of both genders partake in, like environmental cleanups and Habitat for Humanity. Take a dance class. There are so many to choose from: salsa, tango, swing, ballroom. People who might think more women would show up to things are wrong. I used to go to some lessons in many of these types of dances, and either the men equalled the amount of women, and sometimes there were more men present. You have to spread your net wide for the best catch. Good luck.

Since he avoids anything negative, I doubt he'll want to engage, anyway. But there are several reasons being brief is the way to go. One: he doesn't deserve a novel, after distancing himself from you and throwing you a breadcrumb text sparingly. Two: Long discussions are for resolution. You are breaking up, not coming to an agreeable consensus to move forward, because that ship has sailed. Three: The longer you stay and engage, the better leverage he has to try and win you back. You have a nurturing nature, which many women possess. But that trait can make you weak when you allow someone to use you as a doormat, and giving too many chances. You already game him one chance and he blew it. Fool me once it's on you. Fool me twice it's on me. You can do this. 2023 is your year to create the life you deserve, or to at least take steps in that direction.

This really rings of childishness. Happy, smiling, a joy to be around when he's holding a yummy ice cream cone and riding on a roller coaster. Pouting or taking a tantrum when he has to pick up his toys. Romances can only happen with adults who act like adults. How to break up? Ask you if you can drop by his house. Pack up his things and put them in your car. Drive there. Leave the box in your car. Go in and tell him the relationship isn't working for you. Don't get into a lot of details. They are now irrelevant. Don't accept promises of change. Tell him you brought his things. Bring them in and box up your things to take home. Agree to no contact for closure. If he plays mind games and doesn't abide by the rules, block his number. You have to have a spine because you're an adult and the only one who can have your own back. Good luck.