Andrina

And how did those past relationships go? They obviously didn't last, right? Why would you interrupt someone out enjoying time with his friends? His attention should be on them, not his phone. And don't you want to enjoy your own uninterrupted time with friends without ignoring them and paying attention to whoever is typing to you on your phone? If a guy expects you to check in with him as if he's your parole officer, you're in a toxic relationship. There is a healthy balance in healthy relationships that include time together, time apart, and time alone. Have a wait and see attitude and see if you two get along more often than not, and share the same dating style and relationship goals if it comes to being exclusive.

I reported the toxic poster's cruel comments. I'm very sorry for all your suffering. Has your therapy included particular skills to get past the anger and mourning stages? If so, what are they, and you have been practicing them? If not, ask about this in therapy and if they can't provide this, perhaps find a new therapist more skilled in that area. I know that certain things can keep a person from the past very present in your daily life, such as looking at their photos, reading their past communication such as texts, notes, e-mails, listening to voice messages. There is a point at the time of the ending of things where you do need to vent and feel anger and sadness, but then it's healthier to either get rid of photos and communication, or put them away out of sight and out of mind for many, many years so that the healing stage can begin. If you're bringing her up i conversation regularly with friends, that also needs to fade away. Whenever the thought of her comes to mind, redirect your mind to think of something else. Perhaps make a bucket-list of things you want to experience in life, and pick one to start making plans to complete. You might want to also read a book on how to forgive for your own good. The injustice done to you should not be the source of eating away your soul. And to also forgive yourself. You were both humans who made mistakes. She can no longer learn from hers, but you can. There is always room to grow and evolve. It's okay to not want to date again right now. You shouldn't. But don't put a self-fulfilling prophecy into your brain that you will never find true love again. It's very possible you will, and it's better to keep an open mind. The unknown has wonderful potential. Take care.

He's created and allowed this toxicity that makes you feel like crap. Uses his words like an arrow to pierce your heart. In the right relationship, a partner wants you to have the happiest life possible, and arguments won't be as regular as it seems is happening in your relationship. Get away from the drama. Life is stressful enough without having a partner add to it instead of easing your troubles. No matter how cute he is, the bad outweighs the good.

The right partner makes your world bigger instead of shrinking it down with egregious sacrifices. As you can see, having a White Knight syndrome doesn't have the fairytale ending you wished for. Really, it's insulting to assume she will crumble without you in her life, and as for her, she's manipulative, putting that worm in your ear that you two must remain friends. She could care less what that will do to your psyche. She's always been about what's best for herself, and you're too caught up in her current to even see this. When you get time and distance away, you will see things more objectively. Don't even wait for her to make a final decision, because she is totally not good for you. You need to end things and go no contact to begin the mourning and then healing process. Painful for both of you? Of course, but who lives an entire life without painful experiences? Nobody is exempt. And then go solo a minimum of a year and build a fulfilling life without a partner. Read books about what a good relationship looks like, so you don't repeat a toxic pattern. Reconnect with friends. You should always keep friends in your life so you don't make your partner the sole center of your universe--so unhealthy. Mistakes are okay as long as you learn from them. Good luck for a new, healthier 2023.

Speaking as a woman, I'm smart enough to not let golden opportunities pass. I'd never give this vague, non-answer to someone I was truly interested in. She's also rude. She could've been mature and been honest that she wasn't interested. Hold out for the one who can't wait to say yes.

Those are some things you'll have to work on for your own good because you can train your brain to think in alternate ways. Let's say your fear actually did come true. If he's bored of you and breaks up with you, well then that'd be for your own good because it would free you to find your forever person. It's always good to have a mindset of only having control of yourself, being the best partner you can be, and if that's not good enough for a guy, well good riddens. I highly doubt your fear will come to pass. I know I've enjoyed my travels, but am always happy to go to my home, sweet home. You've been joined at the hip with your bf from a very young age. How about using this time to find fulfillment in your own company? What if you took up a new hobby you can be passionate about? It'd be certainly fun to share your excitement about it with your bf while he's away. Please stay positive about his opportunity when speaking to him before he leaves and while he's away. I have two different experiences, one good, and one bad, so I know how it felt to be the one going away. As a teen, I went to France for a month with a school group. My boyfriend tried every way possible to stop me from going, saying he dreamed my plane crashed, said he thought I'd cheat on him with a handsome Frenchman, and then he had anger at me, a few tantrums when I returned. He didn't totally ruin my experience there, but it certainly would've been more pleasant without the stress he piled on me. (I should've broken up with him right there and then, but eventually did). Versus how my husband behaves. Whenever I'd had work trips or when I've taken a trip with a girlfriend, he has detailed my car when I'm gone, and makes the house spotless for my arrival home. And the daily phone calls are about pleasant chats and how we miss each other. For your own good, try to practice self-talk where you will tell yourself that you are strong and will survive anything. Be resilient, knowing you can be upset over life's bumps, but that you will get back on your feet and move on. Perhaps that will serve to lessen unrealistic fears.

Two dates in a year isn't going to get you what you want. When I did OLD, I usually had at least two dates per month. Plus I went to a weekly swing-dance group lesson that was followed by a dance. I also went to a Meetup.com group for singles in my age group when my work schedule allowed. Went to a blueberry festival, a barbecue, drinks on the balcony of a local bar through that group. My friend set me up with her husband's co-worker. Out of all of those multitude of men I met, only one worked out, and that was my goal. During that time did I cry a few times out of frustration and loneliness? Yes. Was I disappointed about the ones I was into but they weren't into me? Absolutely. Yeah, dating is hard but be realistic that it takes meeting a boatload of men before finding a keeper. Put at least one thing on your calendar per week that will get you out into the world. I have faith there will be someone who is a good person, just like you, who is having a hard time finding a partner as well. You can't find each other by having a pity party and hiding away in your home.

This is a bit vague. Can you get clarity what this means? Does it mean he would present his case but would abide by their decision, meaning if they are not okay with an intercultural marriage, it would mean a breakup? Or would he marry you regardless of their opinion and accept that they bar him and you from their lives as the worst scenario? You shouldn't make assumptions on what he meant by that, and get a concrete, detailed answer. Isn't this a lame excuse? Sounds like he has a lot of them. And if he truly cares what distant relatives of yours, ones he will likely never meet think of you two, isn't that telling in that what relatives think do matter, so what will happen if his parents don't approve? Have you ever done any research on the norms of his culture, as in dating and marriage, to see if what he and his brother do fit in with their cultural norms? It's good you're giving all this a lot of thought. I wish you the best.

In some circumstances, especially when children are involved, sometimes it's best to try couples counseling before throwing in the towel. In your case, I doubt it would help. In my first marriage, we did try counseling, but as the therapist noted, he didn't want to be there as he thought everyone was biased against him and he would just get angry when issues were brought up. After the divorce, after years of many dating experiences, I finally hit upon success to find my second husband who I am a million times happier with. I think what you should take away from this experience with her, is that in moving forward, you need to also sit back and give a partner an equal opportunity to put in effort. It's the best way to gauge if a person shares the same wants and needs in a relationship. No one person should be the sole driving force in a relationship, which you've been. If you'd done this with her, perhaps the relationship would've ended in the early stages. But instead of regret, think of how you did bring beautiful children into the world, so it's good to see the bright side of things. That said, learning from mistakes will help you to date more wisely in the future. My advice is to be alone a good year to get your children used to a new family dynamic, and to support them without outside distractions. You also need that time to really reflect on what you want for the future, and to not jump into a band-aid situation before you're really ready to date. Take care.

You're going to have to practice changing the self-sabotaging reel that runs inside your brain. Instead of saying that opinion to yourself, instead, what would be more productive is to say: Today, to improve my social skills, I'm going to ask the cashier who's ringing up my groceries how their day is going, and smile while I ask. Do you see how the way you speak to yourself is being horrible to yourself? It's like you're thinking what you thought you've been--who you are--is set is stone. People can and do evolve. Time for you to start taking control of what you are thinking, and put more positive spins on things. Instead of: It broke me. You can think: I'm upset, but I'm resilient and have learned something about myself from this experience. "The idiot of mine." If you wouldn't call your friend an idiot, don't call yourself one. If you can't be kind to yourself, you will attract abusers. It's a weird psychological anomaly. "I have a problem with intimacy." Instead: I'm going to practice these steps to improve in the area of intimacy. You have the power to improve. Start that practice now.

Well, then, there's been absolutely no compromise after communication. If a person cares, even if they are not feeling it, to please their partner, they would make more effort. People break up all the time, freeing themselves to eventually find the partner who is right for them. It's difficult but not impossible. You will go through all the stages of mourning the relationship and then get to the healing part of moving on, just like everyone else. And then you'll have life experience to choose more wisely the next time around. Good luck.

Cancelling a date with you because he hasn't seen friends in a while. Like, he couldn't make plans with them the following week, a mere seven days away? He sounds emotionally stunted with everything you've written. On one hand, you have some self-worth to end things. However, I think you'd do yourself a service to boost your self-love even more, because if it was at a decent level, you would have dumped him when he cancelled on you to make those unnecessary alternative plans. And that you you mentioned staying friends when he'd shown you what a jerk he is. If he doesn't even have the sense to not pass on hurtful info, that his friends criticized you, he's not friend material. There's a strong possibility he meant to hurt you as well, so learning to recognize dangerous traits in a person is something you should strive to improve for your own well-being. Take care.

Stick to a rule to date within a 45 minute drive. People who are worth dating don't need to seek out long distance romance. Both seeking or accepting LDRs have skeletons waiting to rattle out of the closet, temporarily hiding dealbreakers, or they are scammers with an ulterior motive. And don't date until you work on your trust issues. You're not an ideal dating prospect until you rid yourself of emotional baggage. Read articles on how to achieve this.

It's ridiculous at your age to spend money for traveling to meet a love interest. LDRs have an extremely high failure rate when they start as LDRs. You're in college, with likely 50 or more students in each of your classes and can't meet anyone locally? You clearly have some barriers to real life dating and choose to live in a fantasy world.

Bruce Lee - Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In... https://www.brainyquote.com › Authors › Bruce Lee Quotes Yes, I should've added this initially.

If a person messaging you doesn't ask to meet up within two weeks, you're merely wasting time with a pen pal. If you regularly choose to answer messages from men too far away to regularly meet, again, you're wasting your time. Dating locally with guys you can actually enjoy a companionship with--someone who wants to get together a couple of times a week--that should be your goal. Your intensity with someone you never met is alarming, though. Be more realistic about dating in a normal pace with a wait-and-see attitude. It takes at least 3 or 4 months to even know if you want to be exclusive with someone, and if you match in all the major ways. And then you have to get past this honeymoon phase to see the real person emerge over time.

The right partner will make you feel special. Below is what would have happened if he were the right man for you. "Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable." The lack of this, along with an incompatible sex drive should be enough to exit this unsatisfactory relationship.

Please know it's often the case you can never fully know what goes on in the mind of another person. You love him, and probably find it hard think there could ever be anything negative about his character. But those who don't love him can play devil's advocate and consider things you might never have considered. There are men in these sorts of cultures who will lie to a partner, who they actually see as a starter relationship so they can have some fun intimacy before they finally marry the person who their parents will accept. You are taking a huge risk, investing more time into something with an extremely unstable foundation.

Having been married to someone who suffered from depression, I highly recommend not subjecting yourself to being with a partner who doesn't have it under control. He presently does not, and he might never get it under control. And being independent might not be something that changes within him even if he does get treatment. There is also no guarantee he'd stay on the med or stay with a therapist. I know my ex said he felt numb on the meds, eventually got off, and became ever worse. With a foreigner, you might end up marrying before you really know them well enough because of VISA rules in your country, because living together is not possible. (I know your case will temporarily be different because you'll live in the UK). There would be no rush if you dated a local. IMO, it's best to date someone you don't want to change in a major way, and that it's foolish to hope for major changes, if that's the only way you will be happy. He's already emotionally manipulated you whether you know it or not, when you think he'd crumble to the ground without you. He's wormed that worry into your brain, and it's a form of control. Sorry, but the bad outweighs the good here. Yeah, I think you need to get out now and save yourself from a lot of grief.

I don't know if you passed the 10 year mark of marriage or not. But if not and you have retirement funds or a pension, you're screwing yourself if you live in the U.S. if you don't divorce before the 10 year mark. Because then he will get half of your pension and half of your retirement funds. Giving him all that (house, etc) hasn't had the effect you likely foresaw--that he'd stop harassing you or leave you alone. It sounds like that legally wasn't done, so if I were you, in the divorce proceedings, I'd try to get half of the house. Either it must be sold and you get half the equity, or he has to buy you out. Possible ways to pay an attorney? Borrow from TSP funds. Sell your jewelry. Start scrimping by no longer eating at restaurants, paying for cable, downsizing a cell phone plan. Make a budget and see where you can cut back in order to save for an attorney. I'm sorry you're dealing with a jerk ex. I went through a stressful divorce many years ago, so I empathize. I wish you luck.

Does he show you in any way that you're a priority? Does he cook for you when you're there? Does he purchase food or drink he doesn't like but you do? Does he take an interest in your life? What is his past relationship history? What will be the financial arrangements when you sell your home and move into his place? Does he make you feel special on your birthday and/or does he perform any romantic gestures? It'd be helpful to get an overall picture of your relationship. Have you ever pulled back on your efforts to see if he comes through with his own efforts? If you don't like to go there every weekend, you can always suggest you take turns and he can go to your place every other week. If he agrees but comes up with excuses when it's his turn to go your way, and he's okay without seeing you for a straight 2 weeks, maybe he's not as into you as you'd like him to be.

Who knows why he lost feelings. Maybe because he works so much, a relationship felt like too much effort for him. Maybe he was flattered by your crush, and not as sure about a crush on you but willing to give it a go, but after the initial highs of intimacy, he realized he wasn't as into things as he thought. Or if he was your best friend and bf, maybe you neglected all the other areas of your life with friendships and hobbies, and being the sole center of your universe was smothering. (I have no idea. Just throwing this out in case you have improvements to make in the future. Regardless, most people think long and hard about breaking up, knowing it will spell forever. He didn't care enough to stick around, so that's enough info. The right man will never break up with you, so hold out for him. Each time you contact him, you will set yourself back to square one in the healing process. It will bring all those feelings to the surface. In my experience, after a breakup, after no contact, it would take a good 4 or 5 months to stop thinking of him daily. So in your case, this would be June. Expect you have a lot of emotions to sort through during the healing process, but there is a silver lining that in late spring, you will be well on your way to moving on. I highlighted your quote as the fact he probably did you a favor. I once dated a guy for a year who worked too much and we rarely had outings. The next guy I dated ended up being my future husband, and I enjoy his company so much more, with thousands of fun outings under our belt. Take care.

Knowing of others I've encountered in somewhat similar situations, my best guess would be that early in their friendship, he expressed a desire to date her and she saw it only as platonic. In his mind, being friends was better than no longer being a part of her life. There is a different dynamic when your SO's closest friend is of the opposite gender. I know I wouldn't date a guy who had a female bf, but some people are fine with it. In your shoes, I wouldn't even have a discussion. He will merely resent you for changing the dynamic and intensity of their friendship. I'd get out now to find a guy who doesn't have to change in a major way for you to be happy. If you think you'll magically feel like a priority with his friend out of the picture, or pushed onto the back burner, you will probably be surprised when that doesn't happen. But have the discussion if you wish before throwing in the towel. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

In what way was he distant? What do you mean by better communication? Oh, I see on your later posting you had slept together. I imagine to gauge what his intent is to see if he also values time with you, and learning more about you, without a sole goal of being intimate. As said, why tie yourself to someone when you've only had a brief period where you've been happy with what you see as more attention? What's the rush? I'd give it several months to see if turns into the prized bf you seek. I don't see this as promising, because usually when people first get together, hormones are running so high, that everything is on overdrive. Whereas with him, he was a dud. Have a wait-and-see attitude, and don't be someone chomping at the bit and accepting invites to his place. If that's all the effort he can make, feel free to turn that down. Tell him you have other plans. In my mind, a man who was thrilled to be given a second chance would be wowing a woman with creative plans. Have a wait-and-see attitude, and make sure you're not driving this train, while he sits back and enjoys the ride.

Talking more as in texting? That takes such little effort. And now he wants you to make the effort by going to his place. You two have known each other 3 or 4 months and only met in person twice in all that time? I think your decision to no longer go on dates was a smart one. As the other posters said, don't go to someone's home you've just started dating. Willpower can be loosened with chemistry and you might end up regretting being intimate before really being ready. Why would you want to be his gf when he hasn't even proven himself? I'd hold out for someone who is great from the get-go.