Andrina

If he doesn't know how to behave as a good partner now, it's naive to hope he'd miraculously become a person with common sense and good ethics in the future. As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Partners should be accountable to one another. So I believe he should've mentioned who he was going to a bar with, to you. And as for this, perhaps if he'd overheard a woman saying she was looking for a job or whatever, what would've made sense is that he give her the restaurants name and the web address if she was to apply there, or tell her she had to show up in person to fill out the application, whatever their policy. To me, there is no reason to give random people your phone number. And just put yourself in his shoes. If you were a manager and this situation was you chatting with a possible guy candidate for your work, would you ever in a million years be using the words your bf used? IMO, guardian angels have a way of letting you know what you need to know, to get you to see the person you're really dealing with. Secrets have a way of coming out for your own good. If you choose to ignore all that, good luck to you.

Don't ever be in something one-sided. Don't let your loneliness get the upper hand so that you won't just let these friends fade away, which would be in your best interest to do so, if they aren't making equal effort. If they are canceling last minute, to me it looks like they were cowardly in accepting the invitation, and then wriggling out of it since they never wanted to go in the first place. Sometimes friendships work for a time, but that state of things is not guaranteed to last for a lifetime. Time to start getting out into the world in different ways to meet new people. Unless you live in an extremely small town, there should be Meetup.com groups in your area where people get together socially for a variety of activities. Look it up, and you might be pleasantly surprised. But also, look at your own behavior to see if there is anything you're doing to alienate people. Do you complain too much? Talk too long instead of a normal give and take between two people? Just food for thought. You might be part of the problem, or you and your friends might have just grown apart and have opposite ideas about friendship. Good luck.

To begin with, make a rule that since you are no longer a couple, the only subject you two will speak of is about co-parenting. So there is no more flirting, hugging, talking about how you miss each other, and anything like that. Tell him you don't want to know what he's doing in his leisure time. And even as it's pre-divorce, you should hash out a schedule whereas in after work hours or days off, the evenings and weekends he's responsible for being with the children, so that you can have alone time or time with friends, family, hobbies, going to the gym, etc. Of course there can be flexibility, but don't get into a pattern where he gets all the fun with zero responsibility. I'd get legal advice ASAP to get custody and financial arrangements set up. Especially as you're afraid he'll blow all his money foolishly. Make sure he's taken off any of your credit cards as a user, and if he has access to your bank account, remove him. He's an adult and will figure out how to pay bills when he's forced to. Take care.

Try a vibrator. Have him do oral if he hasn't. Know that it normally takes about 15 minutes to achieve orgasm. If none of that works, get your hormones tested to see if they are at the normal levels.

You can't be everyone's cup of tea. It's normal and realistic. Feel good that you tried and got some practice in. And really, I think she's mean-spirited, but you can't see that as you're crushing badly on her. She's could've worded things far more kindly. IMO, she's not worth talking to. It's now a good thing you can emotionally move on from a dead-end. And I know how it feels when a guy doesn't take "no" for an answer. I dealt with a co-worker who kept asking me out in the past. I tried to kindly let him know it wasn't happening, but after he couldn't take what I said literally, I had to get tough and mean. When a person says "no" in situations like this, it's not harassment the first time you ask, but when you repeat what she said "no" to, it's called harassment.

So, like the weird psychology of a child, negative attention is better than no attention at all. As in, you're foregoing what you really want in life, delayed satisfaction, for the present, dysfunctional attention that keeps you from feeling lonely. Anything worth it in life requires a lot of hard work first. The four or more years of intense studying and taking exams that college requires to achieve a degree. The cycle of job interviews you have to prepare for and to deal with the stress of what interviews entail. The stressful parts of jobs to gain a salary, and the vetting process of dating. You might be one of those people who thrive on instant gratification versus delayed gratification. My ex-husband was like that. I saw it as self-sabotaging. You can create any life you want for yourself, but it doesn't mean it will be easy-going at first, and it will take a lot of planning. But if you make a plan and take steps to achieve it, won't it feel good to be moving toward your life goals? I don't know what you mean by being stuck in your house with your Dad. If you each need privacy, perhaps the house could be configured to have an area for an in-law suite for either of you to live in. I don't know your situation, but I'm sure you can think of other alternatives to make your life more pleasant. Better than throwing your hands up in the air and thinking, "Well, I'm just going to be lazy and accept dysfunction rather than doing the hard work to get what I really want." Why does that make sense to you?

You have an extremely low self esteem if you think this is a prized partner. Your life already sounds like a living hell to me. It doesn't have to be like this. Free yourself and with time and distance, you will shake your head at how close you came to ruining your life.

So it seems his willing to wait until you were ready to be intimate and regularly texting were his only good traits. The bad outweighed the good. When you're dating someone subpar, expect subpar results. There are men who will make an effort, who plan and pay for at least half of the dates, and who are in it to build a life with you besides being intimate. The trick is to cut out the losers early to be single for when the keeper comes along.

Then he should have waited until he was able to get on his feet and date normally and put in effort. He saw you had low self-esteem and would settle for scraps whereas a woman with a healthy self-worth would've said, "No thanks."

If you don't learn from your mistakes, you're bound to repeat them. Why is a grown man broke and struggling? He's childish and makes bad decisions.

The best way to feel better is to help those less fortunate. I read a story of a woman with terminal cancer. To get herself out of wallowing on her fate, she'd regularly buy a bunch of flowers and hand them out to people on a busy street. Seeing them smile and having them thank her made her happy. So try volunteer work. And also, having a goal of forming instant friendships is unrealistic, so it's a better mindset to just think about getting yourself out into the world to enjoy life. Think of social interaction, even if it doesn't lead to forming fast friends, as enjoyable. Such as just being around people to do fun things: dance lessons, cooking classes, book discussion groups, environmental cleanups, painting classes. Because sometimes friendships takes years to form. Of course, sometimes people just click and a friendship forms faster, which would be a pleasant surprise. And then when you're out enjoying life, you're more likely to attract a love interest. Of course a bad past affects you, but it doesn't define you. There are those who let those ugly pasts hang around their necks like a scratchy dried up husk. Therapy can be great in helping you to remove useless cargo, but there are also books you can read on this subject. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Yes, he sounds unhinged. I wouldn't allow him into your place ever again.

When you're dating the right person, he will make an equal effort. What should you have done? After asking him to do something, you should have sat back and waited for him to ask you out. If he didn't, then he could fade away. If he waited 3 weeks and then called, you should have told him the relationship wasn't working for you. A woman with a healthy self-worth would have dumped him after the first showing of his abuse. That's on you, for letting him continue to be a part of your life, when he most definitely should've been kicked to the curb. Read some books on the practice of self-love and apply the homework. I believe your outlook will improve, you will no longer put up with BS, and that you will have greater success in your interactions with people. Good luck.

That was a crappy thing to do, texting you to breakup instead of doing so in person. Apparently who you thought she was, was a fantasy built up in your head. Even people I've known a lifetime surprise me with things they do or say. Give it up trying to figure out why she did what she did, and how she feels. It's not for you to know. From what you've written, it's been her pattern to be a nomad, so that's the way she's comfortable running her life for now. What kind of life do you have besides your dating life? Do you have fulfilling friendships? Fun hobbies/interests you regularly engage in? With only 4 months of a romance, it was really infatuation, though you will argue the point. Perhaps you thrived on the drama of life and death situations in such a short time, but that's not conducive to a healthy relationship. Having had a first marriage with a partner suffering from depression, most of it untreated, I strongly recommend avoiding dating anyone with untreated depression. Your White Knight syndrome only hurts yourself, and will never save the princess stuck in her tower of depression. It's now time to delete photos and texts, block her, don't check on her social media, etc. In likely about 4 to 6 months time, you should no longer think of her on a daily basis. And don't even think about going back to being friends if she reaches out. Your future gf won't appreciate you staying in touch with an ex you wanted to build a future with. For now, treat yourself well, doing fun things solo or with friends and family. Time and distance will be healing. Take care.

In my opinion, if you ask for something reasonable, a person who cares will want to please you. A person who's shy will usually be much more open with their significant other. Do you feel really comfortable with her, or does she seem like a hard nut to crack? Is it her way or no way at all, or does she ever come to a consensus about other things with you? I don't know how the word "love" would seem kiddish, as in calling someone "love." You might ask her if she's willing to try that term of endearment out for your happiness. In which ways does she show you you're special (beside intimacy)?

You're only there temporarily. Do you expect a woman to want to enter a high risk LDR, and if it actually worked out, she'd have to uproot from her successful career and leave her family and friends? Sounds to me like you're a passing dalliance to her. Why should she put in effort for something casual?

This is the most concerning part of what you've written. IMO, he's a very uncaring individual. If that's a show of how he operates, maybe you've lost interest in sex because he's mentally abusive toward you, or possesses other bad traits you're not revealing, and maybe ones you think are normal in a relationship, but they're not. For your own knowledge, and not necessarily to save this relationship, which might not be worth saving, you might want to get your hormones checked. It'd be good to know if this is what your normal libido is, or if your libido is affected by what's going on with your hormones. As said, also consider how your bf treats you. What are his good traits? What are his bad traits? Sounds like you've been together since your late teens. It would be scary for you to no longer have him in your life, but aren't you worthy of someone who doesn't threaten, and works with you in a more caring way to solve problems? Just because you love a man, doesn't mean he should continue being your partner. What are your standards for a lifetime partner? Have you thought of what a man in that coveted role in your life should have and which dealbreakers he should lack?

In my experience, guys like this like the ego boost of a woman having a crush on them, and might act like they're interested, but just aren't into you enough to ask you out. For myself, I know if I had interest in someone who I had to turn down because of alternate plans, I'd definitely counter-offer with another day as a possibility. He's not shy and asking you questions, but an entire month has passed by with nothing more than chatting happening. In your shoes, I'd not ask him again and start directing emotional energy on someone who shares an equal interest. If you want to direct the conversation toward a last ditch effort for him to suggest something, then ask him if he's doing anything fun on the upcoming weekend. Or, you can tell him you're going to try some new coffee shop or smoothie place, and ask him if he'd like to join you. Just know if he says no or comes up with another excuse, if it's the case where you regularly have to see him at college or work or wherever it is you come in contact with him, it might be awkward for a while. If the answer is no, or you don't want to double-ask for coffee, it's best to mentally move on. Don't let him play around with you by throwing you bread crumbs just because he likes a fan. If that's the case, lose each others numbers.

When you're willing to let someone go even once, it means you're just not that into him. People who care work on their problems while together. They don't bail. If he knew how you're feeling, do you really think he'd want to stay with you? I know if a partner felt about me the way you're feeling, I'd want him to let me go for a final time. Maybe go solo for some time to find fulfillment in yourself without having a companion for the moment. When I was young, I wished I'd done that and not always felt the need to be coupled up at every moment.

Even when I was a teenager, I felt like when the guys were bold as he is, such as winking and saying flirty things (like he does, as the comment about if he's your favorite), when we weren't even dating, it turned me off. In my mind, it meant he had a lot of practice. I tended toward more earthy guys. If he's attractive and athletic, has a fun job, obviously has self-confidence, what would be the reason he's single, if he is? I agree with what was already said about the fact he's not shy, so he could easily ask you out if he wished. He knows you have a crush on him, so it likely feels good to interact with someone who admires him. Everybody loves a fan!

It really is the same for any ongoing issue a couple never resolves. When a relationship is more upsetting than satisfying, it's the wrong relationship for you. And it's ridiculous to go to couples counseling 6 months in. The whole purpose of dating is to vette a partner. Doesn't the idea to seek counseling during the infatuation stage tell you something important? Your dating pool will be smaller since you say you are friends with many exes, and there are a percentage of women not comfortable with that. But it's your choice how to navigate your life, so make sure you keep cutting off women early who try to punish you for how you choose to run your social life.

I wouldn't go the route of looking to date women from other countries. It's an enormous amount of work documenting that the relationship is real, extremely expensive, and you have to file an affidavit of support that you will be financially responsible for your spouse for 10 years, even if a divorce happens if she's allowed to stay in the country with a green card. I'm glad you like the advice to get out into the world to find women with healthy hobbies. There are Meetup.com groups that have activities for singles in certain age groups. Many hike, kayak, attend local festivals, etc. I'm sure Seattle must have plenty, since it's a large city. Good luck.

Couples who are invested in one another long-term come to a consensus on major decisions. He has not asked your opinion on HIS decision. He is not leaving for a career or educational reason, which would pay off for the BOTH of you, along with discussing a plan for the LDR with input given by each in the partnership. That's the only reasonable reason this long of a separation should be happening. His reason is to enjoy being a nomad and the sense of freedom that is the opposite of "settling down." I'm sure he cares about you, but not to the extent of what you, or any average person in a longterm relationship, normally desires. Your love for him has likely been the driving force and glue that has held you two together for so long. You've perceived his love has equalled your own, but by what you've written, it's unfortunately clear he's willing to lose you because of this decision. Though you can't imagine a life without him, it's actually best since you deserve someone who cares for you as much as you do him. Of course breakups are upsetting. There is no way around that. But he's not upset about what he's doing to you, so feel right about breaking up--that it's the right decision. I have a feeling you will sacrifice your own happiness, naively expecting he will return to you after a year. I believe it's a mistake. If you do decide to do a LDR, why not sit back and see how much effort he makes without you being the sole initiator of contact? Perhaps the effort he makes, or lack of it, will give some insight you may or may not want to realize. Take care and let us know how it goes.

Male/female friendships with this dynamic usually always have an expiration date. This is a watershed moment you should allow to happen. This long friendship crush is preventing you from bonding with a love interest who would want to date you. Many people are intuitive and would sense you like this woman more than a friend, including both a love interest of hers, and a love interest of yours. That sort of situation will go to an "Either it's me or your 'friend.' Make up your mind and if it's your friend, I'm walking." And one last thing. People who truly care and want you in their life, whether it be in friendship or a love relationship, will communicate to make things right with you if they have an issue. When they don't care, they simply bail. Sometimes, for certain situations when something bad happens, you don't always realize it was for the best at the time. But in hindsight, you will see that when one door closes, another opens. I think that will definitely be the case for you. Take care.

Once the line of friendship crosses into a romance, it's really not in your best interest to remain friends. A future love interest in your life would most likely not be comfortable with that. You took a risk in your life and it didn't pan out. Happens to most of us. Feel lucky you have the block function on your phone. Something like 15 years ago, I dated a toxic person for a year who broke up with me. My self esteem had been poor and I didn't want that breakup. Once I got time and distance away from him, I realized the breakup was a blessing. The block function didn't exist on my phone at that time, and four months after the breakup he texted me. I can say it through me for a loop, and really played a number on my emotions. I pissed him off by no longer being under his spell, however, and his parting words were venomous, validating my now clear view of him as a toxic person. It's good you will no longer allow him access to hurt you. Stay strong and keep him blocked.