Andrina

You're letting the fact you care for this man cloud your judgement. In the right relationship, your heart and brain will match in your confidence of being with a partner. In this situation, your heart is overriding your brain's doubts. Another sign a relationship is wrong for you is hoping for a major change for you to be happy. I know I'm one of those people who would find it a dealbreaker for my partner to drink on a daily basis, even if he appeared not to be drunk. Dating is hard, because sometimes you have to make hard decisions about ending things, since most people who have dealbreaker behavior also have wonderful traits. You already tried communication and he blew up. Basically, for alcoholics, the alcohol will always be the priority, not any human being. Go to an Al-Anon meeting if you don't believe that. It'll be quite educational, if you choose not to be in denial and attend. Take care.

Because of this behavior, I wouldn't ask her out just yet. As a woman, I know I'd be acting the opposite of her in this case. Since you do have to see her several times a week, you don't want things to be awkward in your work place. I'd chill with your efforts for now and see what happens. There was a woman who worked in my building and about 12 different guys thought she was into them, but she was just a friendly woman who liked male attention, but didn't want to date them.

Two hours should be a max for a first meet, and double that on an actual first date. And the first date should not involve an entire weekend together. Too much, way too soon. And since you share chemistry, it's hard not to be intimate when you have the sort of privacy you get in a home or hotel room. More women than not feel bonded when having sex because of particular hormones released. If a guy you've spent mere hours with says he's in it for longterm, and thinks you're a person he'd like to be exclusive with, doesn't mean this will last past the first date. It doesn't matter what good gut feelings you have during this honeymoon phase. And though you laughed about the guy who ghosted you, it's really not a good first date topic of discussion, and really, the fewer details you give to a prospective partners about your exes, the better. Best to keep it simple, i.e., He didn't put in the effort I wanted. He cheated on me. We grew apart. We didn't have enough in common. I'm just trying to help because of mistakes I've made in the past, and see that you still have a lot to learn after not being the dating world for very long. Why don't you read some articles on the best practices of dating to get some helpful tips you can try. Good luck.

This wouldn't be dating, if it happened. Call it what it would be: cheating. Is there a reason you don't feel guilty for reaching out to a married man on social media? What's the reason you didn't stop him from inappropriate touching at work? Because you value unethical attention more than you value good ethics? If you think two wrongs will turn into a magical fairy tale ending, your naivety is egregious. Even if he was single, he has a drinking problem, and people who are attempting sobriety are told not to enter into new relationships until they've reached a minimum of a year with being sober. Your loneliness and low-self worth make you easy prey for predators. Stay alone and work on your self-worth before attempting dating, because if you don't, that's all you will attract: cheaters, physical and emotional abusers, and people who suffer from addictions.

In this logistical situation, this is what I'd expect a guy would say who was totally into me and wanted a longterm relationship: Let's set up a plan to close the distance in a year when I graduate. Until then, we'll take turns visiting each other every six weeks. I'd like us to be exclusive. Please don't psychologically sabotage yourself with words like being destroyed. No, you won't. You'll be upset for a while, and then heal and move on. The reel that goes on in your mind is very important, so choose wisely what you tell yourself. Whenever two people don't share the exact same dating/relationship goals, it'll never work. And nobody, and I mean nobody, is worth waiting around for to see if they change their mind. What should you do now? Tell him for your own good, you will have to go no contact, and if he ever decides he wants to try being exclusive and closing the distance, then that's the only time he should reach out. You want a boyfriend, and staying "friends" with him will prevent you from bonding with an available prospect, and it also won't be fair for you to stay in contact with a former lover you wanted longterm with. A decent man with self-worth would walk away from you when he found out you're still emotionally connected to your first love. This first love might argue the point, and try to negotiate staying in contact. If this happens, know he likes the ego boost of you crushing on him versus caring about how staying in contact will hurt you, and that it's a dead end for you. There are plenty of people who I once enjoyed my relationships with when younger, but as an adult, I don't want anything to do with them. As far as he goes, you might be seeing the present through a faulty lens of good memories of the past. What kind of life have you built for yourself in your city? Do you have close friendships and hobbies/interests? Good luck and keep us updated.

I read it as you liked the attention, but she could tell you just weren't that into her, and she moved on as she should. For now, avoid any party she might show up to, delete photos of her, and every time she enters your mind, redirect it. Putting in that effort now will have you mentally moving on within a few months. Take care.

Besides being a wife and mother, have you carved out any time for just you? Doing something to fulfill your creativity or enjoying a supportive group of friends? If not, time to look into a new hobby for yourself, where once or twice a week, it's your husband's responsibility to hold the fort down. Not only is that important for you, it's often the case where a spouse will see you in a whole new light they are impressed with, and you have something new and interesting to talk about. I hope you can find a new spark with your husband to make you feel more satisfied with your marriage. Just like when your car is stuck in a rut and you have no choice but to put in the heavy work of pushing it out, marriages sometimes need a big shove. What do you think would work better? Being teary eyed and saying to your husband: I don't feel like you love me. You never caress my hair. You never say I'm pretty. Or: Giving him a sly smile and say, "I bought some new massage oil. Thought it'd be fun to try it on each other after the kids go to bed." Sometimes when you start putting in effort, your spouse will be enjoying it so much, he'll do the same. And let's just say the marriage didn't work out. You want to start now, building a nice life for yourself if you have no choice but to remain in this country until your children are grown. That means building friendships and enjoying activities you can have a passion for. Take care and keep us updated.

Well, people are not chameleons and shouldn't strive to be. If you're changing into an inauthentic person, how long do you think a woman would stay attracted before feeling the phoniness? Things that are always okay to change is an improvement in self-worth. Read some articles on how to achieve that. People who have self-love and standards are a lot more attractive than, say, a needy doormat. People are also attracted to people who have fulfilling lives besides having a dating life. If that needs improving, that's something to put on a to-do list.

Whether you think so or not, she's wormed it into your brain with manipulation and playing on your heartstrings that you will be her forever friend, and why you feel guilty about fading away from her friendship, because she will fight for that regardless if it's in your own best interest. And you are finding it much harder to end the friendship since all of your eggs are in one basket as far as friendships go. As an adult, we often have to make hard decisions. This is an emotional affair, whether one-sided or not, and to be clear, emotional affairs don't always involve wanting to be intimate. But emotional affairs are harmful to a married person's marriage, and as said, the single person cannot properly, romantically bond with anyone else. I know that's not your goal right now, anyway. But the friendship with her is hampering your healing goals. And it's also unethical in regards to her husband. I can't see how moving away is totally necessary. If it were me, I'd tell her: There are reasons I have to let this friendship go because of my recovery process. It's personal and I don't care to share. In going our separate ways, I want you to know you've been important to me, and I'll always have good memories. If a person is mentally healthy and cares, they won't press. If they are selfish, they will fight the ending and press for answers. If that happens, stay strong and don't give in. I never believe it's ethically sound to divulge feelings for a taken person. There are ways you can connect with people, in a social life, without divulging your past such as you would with someone you feel the need to tell. If you're just in book discussion groups, cooking classes, pottery or painting classes, these are ways to enjoy others company in safe environments. Perhaps deeper friendships will form, or maybe they won't. In any case, you should enjoy those classes or get togethers, while continuing with your therapy. Even with people who aren't recovering from major issues, friendships often end for a variety of reasons. You two didn't know each other a year ago. You'll mourn the end just as people do with romantic relationships, and then move on. Take care.

Don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out a stranger you'll never see again. It's par for the course when you're doing OLD. I know for myself, on a first meet, a certain guy seemed totally normal and nice, and on the second date, I found out he was a nut job. Don't let one bad apple make you give up. I had to go on meet ups with about 30 men before I found the treasure. Anyway, my friends were entertained by my ridiculous stories. Take care.

In my mind, a better use of time is to see if a spark can be relit with quality romantic/sexy time together. Especially since you have children together, and since you don't mention any dealbreaker activity. Relationships are like houseplants. If you don't tend to it, failing to shower it with attention, it will die. In your shoes, I'd have a discussion of amping things up. Go pick out new stuff for the bedroom at a couples store. Take turns planning a weekly date night/day, doing things you normally wouldn't do. Be more creative than dinner or a movie. Besides sex, give each other back or foot massages. Write each other notes of what you appreciate about each other. At least if you did that, even if the spark couldn't reignite, you'd know you pulled out all the stops and that the loving feeling is gone. You two could feel more confident about splitting. To me, space never solves anything.

She deserved no further attention after cancelling. If she'd been truly interested, she should've been the one going above and beyond to show she was interested. I read it as her being cowardly and not wanting to tell you he's no longer interested. Even if she was being truthful, how is it satisfying to only see each other once every two weeks and regularly having dates cancelled? There are pretty women in your locality who have far better schedules, and who will make it crystal clear she's totally interested in you. Hold out for a woman like that. Block this nowhere lady's number. She's not even worth a goodbye text.

IMO, if someone has even once said something very hurtful to another because of being in a drunken state, I could forgive if that person was wise enough to never drink again. For some, that might be extreme, but for me, alcohol isn't important in my life, and has ruined countless lives, so I believe a person will have to sacrifice alcohol to be a decent person. About the friend who doesn't want to be friends with that guy? It's his business that shouldn't concern you. He has a right to make up his own rules in life.

Although it's common for friendships to change or end, you've had bad luck whereas when it rains, it pours. First off, since you say your sister didn't enjoy the conversation when you were emotional about a friend distancing himself, perhaps think about your discussions with people, making sure you're also interested in their lives, and that the discussions topics include positive things, like what books you're reading, what good shows you're into, etc. For now, I wouldn't seek instant friendships because often, friendships take a long to form. But there are ways to just enjoy social gatherings, whether they are repetitive like in book discussion groups, or temporary such as those sip and paint classes. Just getting out and doing fun things in the world might get you out of your funk. I know after my first marriage ended, I couldn't count on weekly get togethers with my handful of friends because we all worked different schedules. So I took dance lessons in tango, east coast swing, salsa. I went to some Meetup.com groups. I never made friends doing these things, but I enjoyed chatting with people during the events and so it was a great way to pass my time, instead of being holed up in my house watching T.V. every night of the week. Also, learn to enjoy your solo time, if you don't. Pick a time in a daily routine to read, or write, and maybe try some new recipes. If you're feeling self-conscious about your looks, perhaps get a new hairstyle. Book an appt. for a facial, or with a makeup artist to teach you new tricks with makeup. For exercise, there are many free streaming exercises on Tubi if you have a fire stick or Roku. They have the old Jane Fonda videos, belly dancing, kickboxing, yoga, etc. Exercise usually makes you feel good because of both the hormones released, and the gradual positive changes in your body. Good luck.

Many people have downsides in being subject to their significant other's dysfunctional or toxic family. Sometimes the quantity is minor because of perhaps the family's physical distance, so it's doable. When their presence invades your emotions negatively, daily or weekly, that should be a dealbreaker to anyone. It's like you're held prisoner to that family's bubble. Let's just give an example. What if anytime in the future you took a vacation and absolutely loved a particular town in another state and could find your dream job there. With your gf, who might now be your wife on that day in the future, you would not be able to move. Because it's wiser to assume the family dynamic will still be intact that her mother would have a fit and play mind games to keep her daughter within inches of her sight. So you are sucked within the gravity of this mother's orbit until she dies. As I believe I said in an earlier post, as a teen I dated a guy whose mother was like this, though more low-key in her tactics. Though I hadn't even had much life experience, I broke up with him right after high school graduation as the life I pictured with that woman as an in-law wasn't what I wanted for my one precious life. You're handing control of your life over to others who are making your world smaller rather than just enjoying your company when you decide, of your own free will, to share your life with them.

The answer to the question is: Nobody knows. My take on this excerpt of your context: She's a woman whose ethics suck. She was in a relationship and chose to go to a bar and flirt with a stranger and exchange numbers. What makes you think you're so special to her that she won't do the same to you? An attractive woman has made you so ga-ga that you can't see the forest for the trees.

If he doesn't know how to behave as a good partner now, it's naive to hope he'd miraculously become a person with common sense and good ethics in the future. As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Partners should be accountable to one another. So I believe he should've mentioned who he was going to a bar with, to you. And as for this, perhaps if he'd overheard a woman saying she was looking for a job or whatever, what would've made sense is that he give her the restaurants name and the web address if she was to apply there, or tell her she had to show up in person to fill out the application, whatever their policy. To me, there is no reason to give random people your phone number. And just put yourself in his shoes. If you were a manager and this situation was you chatting with a possible guy candidate for your work, would you ever in a million years be using the words your bf used? IMO, guardian angels have a way of letting you know what you need to know, to get you to see the person you're really dealing with. Secrets have a way of coming out for your own good. If you choose to ignore all that, good luck to you.

Don't ever be in something one-sided. Don't let your loneliness get the upper hand so that you won't just let these friends fade away, which would be in your best interest to do so, if they aren't making equal effort. If they are canceling last minute, to me it looks like they were cowardly in accepting the invitation, and then wriggling out of it since they never wanted to go in the first place. Sometimes friendships work for a time, but that state of things is not guaranteed to last for a lifetime. Time to start getting out into the world in different ways to meet new people. Unless you live in an extremely small town, there should be Meetup.com groups in your area where people get together socially for a variety of activities. Look it up, and you might be pleasantly surprised. But also, look at your own behavior to see if there is anything you're doing to alienate people. Do you complain too much? Talk too long instead of a normal give and take between two people? Just food for thought. You might be part of the problem, or you and your friends might have just grown apart and have opposite ideas about friendship. Good luck.

To begin with, make a rule that since you are no longer a couple, the only subject you two will speak of is about co-parenting. So there is no more flirting, hugging, talking about how you miss each other, and anything like that. Tell him you don't want to know what he's doing in his leisure time. And even as it's pre-divorce, you should hash out a schedule whereas in after work hours or days off, the evenings and weekends he's responsible for being with the children, so that you can have alone time or time with friends, family, hobbies, going to the gym, etc. Of course there can be flexibility, but don't get into a pattern where he gets all the fun with zero responsibility. I'd get legal advice ASAP to get custody and financial arrangements set up. Especially as you're afraid he'll blow all his money foolishly. Make sure he's taken off any of your credit cards as a user, and if he has access to your bank account, remove him. He's an adult and will figure out how to pay bills when he's forced to. Take care.

Try a vibrator. Have him do oral if he hasn't. Know that it normally takes about 15 minutes to achieve orgasm. If none of that works, get your hormones tested to see if they are at the normal levels.

You can't be everyone's cup of tea. It's normal and realistic. Feel good that you tried and got some practice in. And really, I think she's mean-spirited, but you can't see that as you're crushing badly on her. She's could've worded things far more kindly. IMO, she's not worth talking to. It's now a good thing you can emotionally move on from a dead-end. And I know how it feels when a guy doesn't take "no" for an answer. I dealt with a co-worker who kept asking me out in the past. I tried to kindly let him know it wasn't happening, but after he couldn't take what I said literally, I had to get tough and mean. When a person says "no" in situations like this, it's not harassment the first time you ask, but when you repeat what she said "no" to, it's called harassment.

So, like the weird psychology of a child, negative attention is better than no attention at all. As in, you're foregoing what you really want in life, delayed satisfaction, for the present, dysfunctional attention that keeps you from feeling lonely. Anything worth it in life requires a lot of hard work first. The four or more years of intense studying and taking exams that college requires to achieve a degree. The cycle of job interviews you have to prepare for and to deal with the stress of what interviews entail. The stressful parts of jobs to gain a salary, and the vetting process of dating. You might be one of those people who thrive on instant gratification versus delayed gratification. My ex-husband was like that. I saw it as self-sabotaging. You can create any life you want for yourself, but it doesn't mean it will be easy-going at first, and it will take a lot of planning. But if you make a plan and take steps to achieve it, won't it feel good to be moving toward your life goals? I don't know what you mean by being stuck in your house with your Dad. If you each need privacy, perhaps the house could be configured to have an area for an in-law suite for either of you to live in. I don't know your situation, but I'm sure you can think of other alternatives to make your life more pleasant. Better than throwing your hands up in the air and thinking, "Well, I'm just going to be lazy and accept dysfunction rather than doing the hard work to get what I really want." Why does that make sense to you?

You have an extremely low self esteem if you think this is a prized partner. Your life already sounds like a living hell to me. It doesn't have to be like this. Free yourself and with time and distance, you will shake your head at how close you came to ruining your life.

So it seems his willing to wait until you were ready to be intimate and regularly texting were his only good traits. The bad outweighed the good. When you're dating someone subpar, expect subpar results. There are men who will make an effort, who plan and pay for at least half of the dates, and who are in it to build a life with you besides being intimate. The trick is to cut out the losers early to be single for when the keeper comes along.

Then he should have waited until he was able to get on his feet and date normally and put in effort. He saw you had low self-esteem and would settle for scraps whereas a woman with a healthy self-worth would've said, "No thanks."