Andrina

Yes, you're living in la-la land if you think two people capable of doing one of the most hurtful things to a partner--cheating--will get together and live happily ever after. The hotness you're craving will be more like a lit match hitting gasoline. Mature, ethical people end one relationship before beginning a new one. And apparently you don't know too much about psychology. A person that goes after a taken person never wants monogamy with that person. In fact, if she'd been doing what's she doing with you as a single person, the minute you broke up with your gf, she would've lost interest. Be alone and work on your ethics. And now that you've crossed the line with B, things can never be the same. If you ever want a decent woman in your life, she'll never accept you being buddies with a woman you played kissy face with. And lying about that to a new gf is going back to being unethical. People have to lose friends all the time if it means bettering their lives. Nobody said life was for sissies. Time to grow up or suffer the consequences.

When you look up articles about controlling abusers, you will see that his behavior is textbook for that behavior. Abuse, followed by sweet behavior, and that same up and down pattern that will never end. Congratulations on your self-improvement. I think you still have a ways to go before being ready to date, as your self-worth isn't where it should be yet. Otherwise, you would've exited at the very first red flag or bad behavior from this man. With him being a broken man, he likely targeted you as someone who might accept his BS. Free yourself of him, and be careful that he doesn't try to reel you back in, or demand to be in your life by stalking you at home or work. Blocking his number, and changing your locks if he has a key, would be a great start. Even with mistakes that are more minor in nature, if a partner keeps beating a dead horse, it's not a healthy relationship. People argue, but a good reason is to resolve an issue and be done with it. When someone uses your past as a hurtful weapon, he should be put into YOUR past. Take care.

For some people, which could be the case with her, if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. And one could argue with your friend it could be false hope of reengagement, which might be hurtful to the ex-friend, who obviously sees things through a faulty lens.

No, but what my theory is, is that they value an ego boost more than they value a mature, loving relationship. Even if she's a free-spirited lady who is loosey-goosey with rules and boundaries, if she loves her partner and he expresses how he's upset with this behavior, is it really a huge sacrifice for her to never again receive a random, flirty text from an ex, or to meet once every 3 years for drinks? She's choosing that nonsense over prioritizing your feelings and the well-being of your relationship. The right relationship won't have you feeling regularly upset over the same issue. I wouldn't waste one more second on a harem-master.

People who seek out and are willing to participate in LDRs that start that way, are people who are not ready to be in a fully functional and realistic relationship that local relationships provide. A computer screen is a seemingly safe barrier to keep the distance, as well as literal distance. Though you might pooh-pooh my view on things, I'll just let you know for your own good that your brain doesn't reach its full adult maturity until age 25, specifically in the pre-frontal cortex (the decision making area). You might think that love conquers all. With life experience and a maturing brain, you will realize this isn't the case. Without that process, you will also have not considered the longterm effects and outcome of what a life involves when you have a partner like him. In my first marriage, I did have a husband who isolated himself, expressed his sadness through anger, and I stayed far longer than I should have. Really, I shouldn't have married him in the first place. The smartest way to live life is to not rely on a fantasy, hoping for the best. You should know that it's more realistic to have the view of: What you see is what you get. You won't breakup? Then know your life will involve feeling the way you feel right now and forevermore. Perhaps worse if you married this man and you're eating dinner alone while he leaves the dinner table early, without conversation, to go to his man cave. How you will be raising your kids mainly alone because he can't deal and leaves the house to do whatever for hours. How he stays in bed all day while you have to do all the housework. You're young and likely haven't projected that far out, but I'm older and experienced some of those things. Also know that when young, most people have numerous dating experiences while they learn what works for them and what doesn't as far as relationships go. And most don't want to get so serious so young. What do you do as far as a social life besides having an online LDR? Make sure you have a healthy balance of activities and friends besides a bf, for your own good. Take care.

You're going to have to stop being a doormat and he's going to have to stop being a bulldozer. If both of you aren't able to change in those major ways, you'll continue to be frustrated, upset, unfulfilled, etc. There's a saying that goes: Look at who you are with, and that's what you think of yourself. So you don't think much of yourself to be with someone who uses you to ease his troubles financially, while doing not much else. The right romantic partner needs to be a lot more than a sex partner and companion. They would make you feel like the special person you are, in words and actions, and would make your life easier. That means sometimes doing things for your pure enjoyment, without any benefit to himself except his enjoyment of having pleased you. If you can't say that that's happened even once, you're absolutely not only settling, but ruining your one precious life on this planet.

I did OLD for several years many years ago, and I did ax meeting some of the men when they said off-putting things, i.e. when one guy and I had been messaging and he asked me out, but I said I liked one phone call before I agreed to a date. He said something snarky, and though tried to backpedal that it was a joke, I ended our interactions. That guy who said that to you lacks tact, that's for sure. Besides, that and the distance, as well as the age difference which isn't too big, but still might present different life stage issues. Even though the LDR for your friend worked out, I think LDRs that start that way more often have a high risk for failure. Takes a lot longer to know the real person, and you can't date at a normal pace. It ends up being that you go a while without seeing each other, and then when you do, it's too long of a time together. The different pace negatively ends up affecting the relationship. And yeah, never accept a drink from a love-interest stranger. People have been drugged. Being a person who did a lot of wrong things, but also did right things during my OLD experience, my advice is to limit dating within about a 45 minute drive from your home. It's a lot of work, and if you're serious about finding a lifetime partner, it can be like a part time job. Guard your heart at the beginning and be realistic that you have to get past the honeymoon period to see the real man, if it even gets to that point. If I were your buddy, I'd give my vote of NO to this dude.

A significant other is expected to make you a priority, because you've come to an understanding, but friends literally owe you nothing. What you do in friendship is make an effort and wait for an equal/balanced effort from their side. If that doesn't happen, you can lessen that friendship and invest effort into someone who shares a similar interest in communicating and getting together. And friends can differ on their preferences for communication and how often to get together. Either you adapt to their way or realize it isn't satisfying and move on to friends who match your friendship style. IMO, a friendship never lasts if one person has an unrequited crush. It's not healthy for either party. As for you, you'd be so hung up on him, you'd be missing perfectly good opportunities with dateable men. And as for him, when he gets a gf, you'll likely be shoved to the back burner or he'll totally end communication with you, since his gf will clearly see how you feel. Women are intuitive. As for him, would it matter whether or not he knows you like him? If he had a crush on you, wouldn't he be thrilled to have your number and be working toward asking you out? Sounds like he never is the first to initiate communication, and that he never or rarely asks you to hang out. If that's the case, maybe take a hint. Stop communicating first and see if he fades away. It's better to know if someone wants you in their life or not so you're not wasting time on someone who is just trying to be polite when they reply.

Many romantic relationships will fail when you don't have a fulfilling life BESIDES dating. As others have said, it's smothering and scary to a woman when she's the sole center of a man's happiness bubble. As Dr. Phil says, the best predictor of future behavior is recent past behavior. If you two happened to get back together, history will repeat itself. My suggestion is to stay alone and work on creating a satisfying life solo. That means getting yourself out into the world to meet people through activities and hobbies for eventual friendship, whether it be in just a group form, or one-on-one if you find someone you gel with. It's the secret to being more attractive to potential dates, that you have interesting stuff going on in your life. And a support system, learning to enjoy your own company as well as others, will make you more resilient when breakups happen, which mostly everyone experiences.

She might now be embarrassed, realizing she's overshared with you, and is now seeking distance.' Nobody is good dating material until at least a year after a divorce. Lots of steps to go through, especially when children are involved. Since you say there are barriers to you two logically ever being together, it's best you emotionally move on and just think of her as any other customer, and treat her that way as well. It's also tough professionally when her son works for you, and she is a customer, to cross a line of asking someone like her out. You really don't know her, and she might file a complaint.

If you or she wouldn't act that way with her husband in the room, it is emotional cheating. Go for a relationship where things don't need to be a secret. It's the ethical thing to do, and the safer thing. About a third of the Dateline shows I watch where someone is murdered were because of love triangles.

Mature, mentally healthy people don't begin a new relationship before being well out of an old relationship. Mature, mentally healthy parents in a divorce have to make their kids a priority by getting their children used to the new dynamic. This can't happen when their parents are seeking band-aids with new romantic partners, and having their parents distracted during this critical time. Mentally healthy single people walk away the millisecond they realize a person is taken. He or she would say, "Oh, I see we have some chemistry but I can't ethically communicate with someone taken. When you've been divorced a year, and more likely out of a rebound period, give me a call and if I'm still single, we can talk about meeting up." And finally, a mentally healthy parent won't introduce their kids to a bf/gf until confident the relationship is serious, which is way beyond the honeymoon period, where all fantasies of the newbie partner fade and the reality of who the person really is takes center stage. Chemistry might fool a naive person into thinking they've met their soulmate, but realistic people know that chemistry is only a starting point, and there are so many levels to find out about a person before seeing if they are a lifetime partner. One thing we already know about the both of you is that you each practice poor ethics as far as honoring the sanctity of a relationship. She's fine flirting with other men while married, and no, being mentally out of the door, if that's the case is NO EXCUSE. And you don't consider the sanctity of her marriage. If you wouldn't want your gf or wife chatting up a man willing to flirt with her, you don't engage in this behavior either. Karma is a witch and will come back to bite you on the tush.

So after the third date, will you wait to see if she makes a fourth date plan and pays? I know I would, in your shoes. And then if she questions you about the lack of an invite, I'd prearrange an answer that wouldn't sound belligerent. Maybe something like: Oh, in past dating experience, I've been used to the woman taking some part in planning dates and paying as well. And even if she texts the question, I'd call to answer, since texts often lack tone. You might even be proactive if things go well on the third date and bring it up yourself and say in a playful way, "Well, I've been having fun planning all these dates with you. Let's say you come up with plans for the next one." If she does but expects you to pay, you can say in a nice way that your expectations involve treating each other to dates in an equal manner, and sometimes going dutch. Let us know how it goes.

She doesn't know--doesn't have the good ethics to be a monogamous partner. She keeps showing this with her repeated behavior of communicating with love interests. And as for her male co-worker, she could be in an emotional affair with him, as they are so close that she confides with him about serious matters. How would she have liked it if you confided about her to a female co-worker? She's not good gf material, and you will realize this after time and distance passes with no contact. If there were actual problems, a partner who truly cares will communicate this so problems will be resolved. When a person bails without that step, it means they don't care. That's the most important info you need, though of course, hurtful. I'd never take her back, as past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. She likes a male harem, so you just go back to the pack, in one form or another. I'd go no contact so you can eventually move on, with your heart free to bond with someone who knows how to be a decent gf. Take care.

How old are each of you and when do you plan to marry? I can see a guy doing this, like on a first time visiting a place, but your bf looks all day, five days a week, during work at his various co-workers like this? To me, that's called ogling and only seeing his colleagues of another gender as sex objects. Instead of overlooking this red flag because of your love, this lack of a filter on his brain should be beneficial to you to know what he prioritizes in his mind. I believe your lack of dating experience is clouding your judgement. Please don't marry him right now, when you're concerned enough to write on a forum about him. There's no hurry, and you should see if more of these skeletons come rattling out of his brain or in other forms.

You're an adult, so if you wanted to be a masochist and be emotionally and physically abused, that would be your choice. But the fact that you have children, then that would be called child abuse to have them around a psychopath. To have a mother who is schizophrenic, they've already been dealt a difficult blow in life. But to have a father choosing an extremely toxic partner--well, heaven help them. They can't catch a break. Be alone and concentrate on being a good father. Get therapy and don't date until you can make intelligent decisions about who you allow into your life.

Of course, children resist change, but for now, just concentrate on having you and your wife sleeping in separate rooms to begin emotionally separating from one another. And you can worry about moving into two separate residences once you get divorce and custody proceedings settled. Preferably a time period that doesn't interrupt your younger child's school year/changing schools, if moving to another district. Getting custody arrangements is important, especially if she is deemed to be an unfit parent at any point. Make sure there are rules agreed upon as per dating partners not being able to spend the night until a given point of seriousness has been reached, i.e., perhaps if dating that person has lasted a year. You don't want your children exposed to random men around your children. Sorry this has happened. Good luck in getting your children used to this new dynamic.

As Seraphim said, those sorts of photos are a big no-no. Though you love your bf and can't imagine him sharing your photos, many have thought the same as you and have suffered the consequences. A good boyfriend won't make you feel used or ask you to do things you're not comfortable with. That in itself tells you that you should pay attention to your feelings and red flags. Birth control doesn't always work, so you're putting yourself at risk for a pregnancy with someone you're lacking confidence with. Lastly, with 9 months in, you haven't established a concrete foundation to be able to withstand an LDR to span 4 years. Especially as he's surrounded by hundreds of women his age daily, and he seems to value the act of sex versus a more balanced type of quality time together. Most relationships starting at 18 won't end in a lifetime thing. Most people like to experience a myriad of relationships, where they learn what they want and don't want in a partner. Plus, you'll be doing a huge amount of evolving in the next decade, so what you want now could be totally different 5 or 10 years from now. IMO, you're more stressed than satisfied and that's enough to end things. Don't be a doormat. You'll only attract abusers. It's fine to be sweet and shy as long as you have a strong spine and say no when you feel strong enough about something. If a person walks away or loses interest because of that, good riddens.

You never mentioned what financial contribution she's made to your union. Have you discussed if one of you will stay home with a child and for how long? If you plan on using child care at some point, have you looked into that cost? Have you considered she might be trying to sabotage your relationship, having freaked out about now being married--maybe something she's now questioning? I'm not guessing this is the case. Just putting out a possibility of what could be. I do know of one couple who married after seven years, just as you did. The woman said it got to the point where they'd dated so long, they were at the point of either going their separate ways or marrying. Right after marrying, he started on her about her smoking, and being nit-picky and saying things to upset her. There should be discussions of what will happen if IVF doesn't work, to make sure you're on the same page of that major issue. Good luck.

He hasn't asked you out. The weekend is coming up. If he doesn't ask you out, and very soon, don't let him use you for his ego boost. Everybody likes a fan. Some people don't care that you will be hurt when they are being benefited. It shows a lot about their character if that is happening, and then you'd be wiser to exit filling their emotional needs when you're getting zippo in return. You know being friends won't work when you have a crush on him. Either he asks you out, or you become pleasant co-workers and no more. That means losing each others numbers so you can bond with someone who actually wants to date you.

You've already asked her out twice. IMO, it's her turn to put in the effort. If you want to suggest a third date, fine, but the 4th should definitely be at her invitation. And if she asks, but then doesn't pull out the money to pay, then I would think she's spoiled and not good dating material. Even if she's physically friendly and talks a lot, you never know if deep down she's nervous and might eventually begin asking you more in depth questions. Hopefully, you'll be pleasantly surprised. If not, well then you'll feel confident you've put in enough time vetting.

For me, I like the satisfying companionship of a romantic partner to share life with, such as taking turns cooking for each other and eating together, and of course fun outings and watching our favorite shows together. And besides the good times, it's nice to have a supportive partner during the stressful times, such as when you break down on the side of the road and he can get there far quicker than AAA. And nurse you when you're sick. And they you're grateful to be able to return that support when he needs it. If you do begin dating, it might make you feel more comfortable to put together a must-have list and a dealbreaker list, and to stick to those lists. There are some people who give second chances for dealbreakers, giving the excuse, "Nobody's perfect." They don't know that there is a huge difference between minor negative traits versus dealbreakers. It's important to distinguish between the two.

Texting lacks tone, so you'll just have to see how your interactions go in person, and see the effort, or lack of it, he puts in to get to know you.

Yes, the purpose of divulging relationship history with each other is to gain important info, such as how long a person has been unattached, and what's the longest relationship they've been in. Such as if a guy is 40 and the longest relationship he's had has been 6 months, then there's a sure bet you won't last any longer than that. And if a person has been married 20 years and divorced a month ago, he's probably not ready to seriously date for a while. The long distance thing where it was like a 5 week fling with no exclusivity doesn't even warrant mentioning. Don't have diarrhea of the mouth. I know I wouldn't want to hear a guy's play-by-play of every dating experience he's recently had if I were single and dating. I only want the generalities of his relationship history to give me the info I need to know if he's a good prospect or not.

So the honeymoon period has ended and now you're seeing the realer version of him. Though he has some good traits, the bad definitely outweighs the good. People can have more than one priority in life as far as people go. It's called a healthy balance, and when that balance is achieved, everyone's happy. In your case, it's lopsided and top heavy against you. Convince yourself you deserve better. It's far more efficient to cut the losers loose as soon as you see a dealbreaker so you're free to continue your search. Take care.