Andrina

Since you aren't certain, why not tell them you're interested in this guy and get a definitive answer. Do you have to answer relative's questions about how old your bf/husband is? If your parent's are okay with the match, decide whether or not being a laughing stock at family gatherings is worth it to be with your chosen man, or don't attend family gatherings, because what is the point if they are cruel to you? If your parents don't approve and you will obey their wishes, then chalk this man up to being your first love and then end things to avoid wasting your boyfriend's time. Free him to find someone whose family accepts him.

Whether or not you're into her, yes, I think a discussion would be in your best interest. If you're not into her or she's just not into you as a potential bf, you don't want potential dates to steer clear of you, thinking you're already taken. If that's the case, I'd request no more touchy-feely behavior, wording it kindly, of course. If she is into you, and you're into her, then I suppose you'll be happy. But you say she is cuddly and flirty with other guys, so do you really want to date a woman who does this? She's the opposite of shy, so if she wanted to date you, don't you think she would've asked if you were into her as much as she's into you, and if you wanted to try dating? From what I've experienced by observation in my lifetime, a person like this just isn't that into you, but likes the ego boost that you have a crush on her. If you do, yes, she knows. And since she does this with other guys too, she likes a male harem, and this is who she is. Don't begin to date her if you don't want any part of that, and then scream at her to stop that behavior. It's not up to you to change someone. It's in your best interest to date someone you don't want to change. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

This is a huge red flag, IMO. To me, a person isn't dating material until they've ditched baggage. Who has the time to be patient with someone who has to jump barriers and overcome the hardship of feeling something for a woman? No thanks. Pfft. You don't even know him. You don't know if he's being honest or not, because he's a stranger. But what he's said is a warning, not something to embrace. Some women are too nurturing for their own good, and take a man's confession like this as a challenge, i.e., "I'm the special lady who will make him see I'm worthy of his love and will break through his concrete heart." Blech Although from my perspective, he's vetted himself out of meeting in person, I don't think you're approaching dating in the right way. No reason to delve so deeply into another's brain before you even meet. Sure, text a bit and have at least one phone call to find out things in general within a 2 week period, ensuring he is actually single. But too much energy ends up being a waste of time if on the first meet, one or both of you don't share chemistry. IMO, first meets and a first date should be a bit more lighthearted, speaking of safe topics like if a person has siblings and pets, what their career is, what foods they like, if they like to read and what shows they like. If those first few get togethers go well, then you can get relevant info about their dating goals and exchanging relationship history in general, without getting into too much detail. And do know you won't know the real person until well past the honeymoon period if it even gets that far. Take a wait-and-see attitude, and time will reveal all. Unfortunately, what a person says isn't always the truth. You will learn over time if a person is genuine or is putting on an act to meet a goal that will end up hurting you. Guard your heart until you feel comfortable that a person is treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Good luck.

We don't know the answer any more than you do. There's a possibility he can't date customers. There's a possibility he can, and is building a rapport with you. There's a possibility he was in a friendly mood and your hopefulness, since I'm assuming you think he's cute, has you reading more into his behavior. There's a possibility he has a gf but likes the spark of briefly interacting with a cute woman. If you want him to ask for your number, the next time you go in, if he's not busy with another customer, see if he's just as friendly and you can ask a few questions yourself, like what his name is, and perhaps something else you might be comfortable asking. Many people won't ask another for their number unless they're getting positive signals that the person would say yes. It's hard to be vulnerable.

No matter which addiction a person has, it will always take priority over any human. It's very sad that porn, to him, is more important than you. I don't know if having children with this man is something you envision for the future, but if so, you should anticipate how he's holding your infant with porn playing in full view because he says, "He's just a baby. I won't do this when he's older..." And also envision his boss catching him, firing him, and your man can't list that job as a reference, as who will hire someone who watches porn at work? He might've had this addiction for a decade or more. This would likely take years of therapy and intensive work to mentally get to a good place. But the fact is, if he wanted to attend therapy, he'd already have started. If it were me, I'd tell him, "This relationship isn't working for me. If you ever choose to seek therapy and have healed in that area, feel free to contact me and if I'm single, we can meet to talk." His behavior sickens me just reading about him. I don't even know how you stand 1 second with him. You're worthy of normalcy and being treated far better. Good luck.

People can be funny or have quirks about certain things. I probably learned this from my father, but he always had his favorite recliner which nobody else would dare sit in, and I'm kind of the same way. Although I do let guests sit anywhere they like, I'm uncomfortable if it's particular people. When you're upset more than not in a relationship, it means you're in the wrong relationship. But if something happens rarely to peeve you, you might let it go and chalk it up to your partner's pet peeve. A pet peeve doesn't have to make sense to you to be valid.

When you didn't walk after so many excuses on his list of why he's choosing to move away, and you are still clinging to him like a barnacle, he likely believes it will be far less drama to leave you with some hope. Then he can be far away when you're crying when you realize the breakup is final. Far easier for him. Unkind to you. You survived before you met him a mere year ago, and you will do just fine without him once you've gone through the mourning process and get to the healing part. Better to block him and go cold turkey in communication. When you get time and distance away from him, you will realize he did you a favor by breaking up. I know it happened to me when I was in a 1 year relationship. Nine months later, I met a man who really knew how to be a great partner, and who was crazy about me. Thank God I was free and single to meet him. I shook my head as to why I never broke up with Mr. Wrong, leaving the task to him, and you will probably do the same. Take care.

Can I ask what this means in bold? Just trying to figure out what he's not paying for. It also will make a difference in opinions/advice in knowing how long you two have been in a relationship, as per the timeline gifts were given, and what they were--what he gave and what you gave. If the relationship has been going on less than a year, maybe he's smart not to pay for your part of the trip and buying expensive gifts when a relationship is new. But without the knowledge of the length of your relationship and what these gifts were on both sides, it's hard to give more valid advice.

That statement especially, would be eye-opening to me, getting an inside look at what a toxic brain looks like. Is that really not a dealbreaker to you, that someone would have the goal of being toxic to another person, and being abused in return? Because of the chemistry you feel toward them, you're overlooking the obvious. Now that you've crossed the line of friendship and have made out with her, there is no going back to friendship as far as your future of dating others is concerned. Unless you choose to date within a far smaller pool of people who are okay with you spending time with a person you wanted to be your partner, if only they'd felt the same way. Do you really think they are clueless as to what you want? They don't care that you are growing more and more emotionally involved, even though for them it's casual with no attachments. Whereas if they were serious about being exclusive and snapping you up before anyone else does, they would ask your for this. Go ahead and have a discussion if it will give you closure and will help you to move on. Some friendships are meant to have an expiration date, and this is one of them because of what has transpired. You will balk at the advice, but nobody said life was easy. The right person will make everything crystal clear. There is no "up in the air" when two people are on the same page. Good luck.

You can practice improving the reel going on in your mind. How about instead of: "I don't want to be lonely." You could say, "It'd be really great to have a companion to enjoy meals and activities with." How about instead of lugging around useless luggage, you say to yourself: "I was young and dumb without enough dating experiences to know better, but now I'm older and have learned what I do and don't want." It might make you feel better to have a must-have list and a dealbreaker list for dating, and stick to it. Have a wait and see attitude. Don't project to the future when dating. And realize you usually have to date a boatload of women to find a great match. So rein in your expectations. Just try to enjoy the moment for what it is, and not worry if this will end up being your forever person or a flash in the pan. You might read books on how to achieve all this, giving you skills to work on. I learned better self-talk by reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. There are so many books to choose from on dating skills, positive self-talk, and ditching emotional baggage. I also advise getting a hobby you can be passionate about, because that energy draws people to you. You might even meet someone with that same passion for a hobby/interest--a starting point for compatibility. No, dating isn't easy. After my divorce I had to go on dates with about 30 men before I found a keeper. Life is challenging and you have to learn to be resilient. Take care.

If you're talking more than a 50 minute drive from your home, I say the distance gets to be too much. Especially when new relationships are already fragile to begin with. At your age, you should be meeting the largest pool of singles in your age group than you ever will in your life. Why not seek someone local? Do you go to college? What hobbies/interests get you out of the house? When's the last time you asked out a woman? I think subconsciously you're purposely seeking an Internet connection first, instead of in person interaction, because you lack confidence and feel safer with that way of handling things. Not a good idea. You're going to have to build a spine and learn how to get comfortable interacting in person. Practice makes perfect. There's a 50 percent chance a woman will be into you. If not, it leaves you free for when a better match comes along. Good luck.

First moment to walk away was when he didn't make an equal effort. Second reason to walk away is that he was making you feel bad by blaming you for a crime you didn't commit. Third reason was berating you for not calling or texting when you're not even an exclusive couple, and hadn't even yet met. Even if you were a couple, berating doesn't work, so this was a clear sign the only way he knows how to communicate is toxicity. And this is only the first paragraph of his bad behavior. You're very misguided in this general statement and will only continue to hurt yourself by thinking this way--at least in this particular situation. This is a situation where you were seeing dating potential, and his behavior is egregious, dealbreaker behavior, not as in piddly stuff you could overlook like someone you're in a relationship with and you have to ask if he could please put the toilet seat down when he's finished peeing. Nobody's perfect but you have to learn the difference between minor faults and major faults. I'm sorry you took offense to my response, which was tough love and I took the time to respond because I want you to treat yourself better. I'm speaking from experience because there are things I did that I regretted when I was in the dating world due to my lack of self esteem which I had to work hard to overcome.

Women with a healthy self-esteem would've made a speedy exit at dealbreaker number 1. You didn't make an exit until dealbreaker #40. I think you'd be better off working on your self-worth versus wondering why this stranger, for all intents and purposes, acts like a flaky jerk.

Obviously there's an unhealthy balance going on here. Nothing wrong with having a hobby you do without a spouse, but there also needs to be quality time doing some things together. Some things you could try? Ask him what he thinks a fun hobby/activity the both of you could do together at least once a month. See if he can come up with something you would like, too. If it's his idea, perhaps he won't be a wet towel. Do you have family to babysit for at least a once a month date, or can you pay a babysitter or trade babysitting hours with a friend? You could tell him you'll take turns planning dates, so he has to make half the effort. I'd also ask for one night a week, at least to start with, that is electronics free where there's no tv or video games. You can instead cook as a family, trying new recipes, and teach your older one to cook and bake. You could have a picnic on the floor in the living room to get out of the same routine, or actually go to a local park and eat there. If he's handing all the childcare duties to you, you can also have him be responsible for caring for them while you do an occasional girls' night or go to a paint and sip class or whatever. Children also like alone time with a parent, so you could each switch up special days where you take one child to do something on a weekend day and he can do something special with the other child. Then, the next weekend, you can swap. As another poster said, you could double date with another couple, or even host poker parties and serve nachos, or just host a meal. Maybe get one of those murder mystery games where each person is assigned a role. Of course, as you said, communication is key. If he doesn't care that you're feeling a lack of emotional communication and he can't seem to enjoy your company and doesn't care that you're unhappy, then you can at least say you tried. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Know what your relationship boundaries are. Are you okay with dating a person who stays in contact with and hangs out with an ex? To me, even as they were once friends, once the line's been crossed, there's a whole different dynamic. Some people are okay with their partners being buddies with an ex. Some are not. Pick whichever according to your comfort levels. There is no right or wrong in general, but there is one right answer for yourself. Don't sacrifice your own well-being by being the "cool" girlfriend if something doesn't sit right with you. That's the point of dating. To find who matches you in all the major ways, including relationship boundaries. As for the other issue, if he started becoming closer to your ex's friend, let him know that you want to stay clear of your past, and that you won't be involved in their get-togethers. Why go back into a world where those people didn't make an effort with you after the break up? But if it doesn't work out between you two, it means fate has someone better in store for you, so who cares a flying flip what he does if he ends up in your rearview mirror?

This was the point you should have exited, without any other words from you but "This relationship isn't working for me." No explaining about how you feel, which is pleading for him to change his poor ethics and crappy personality. Communication is key in a relationship, but his behavior isn't that of a decent person, so it's dealbreaker behavior. You still have a lot of work to do on yourself, since you still lack the self-love to do what's best for yourself in the dating world. You're hung up on who you saw through rose-colored glasses, which was a fantasy. Block him, because you are keeping yourself tethered to toxic fumes. He showed only his good side at the beginning. Now that he met his goal of getting what he wanted from you, he doesn't want to put in the effort to be what a bf should be, and he can reveal he's a jerk, because it's easier for him. He will now move on to his next prey. Be alone and work on a fulfilling life solo for now. Read books on self-love. Make a must-have and dealbreaker list for when you venture back into the dating world and stick to it. Women are often nurturing by nature, but you can't give chances for dealbreaker activity to the detriment of your own well-being. You have to have your own back, because ultimately nobody else can do this for you. Take care.

I'm surprised at your ages you'd know it's best not to make major relationship decisions so close to moving out of the honeymoon stage and before the 1 year mark. That's usually moving in together or marrying too fast, whereas you even skipped all of that and decided to have a child together. Though children bring joy, they also bring tons of stress, and a couple has to have a solid foundation to handle that appropriately. If it were me, I'd let her take the lead in communication and get-togethers. It's not like you should end the relationship now, as it's not the right time for you to venture into the dating world again. But if she's not ending it with you, give her time to see if she makes any efforts with you or not. And if months go by with you feeling dissatisfied with her behavior, you can have the talk with her about being co-parents only. If that ends up being the case, make every conversation about the child and refrain from speaking about each of your personal lives, and don't blur the lines by seeking intimacy when either of you have dry spells. Your future relationship with another partners will benefit from that decision. Take care.

He sounds like a major flake. He had no business dating if he's under that much stress, but I doubt it's even true. He likely already has a woman and has time to text but not cheat on actual dates. Whatever the case is irrelevant. Your time is precious and not to be spent on someone who doesn't ask to meet up a few times per week. Block his number ASAP.

You've been way more patient than you should've been for your own good. The beginning stages are when you vette a partner to see if they meet your needs in every major way, and if they don't, it's the time to cut bait. Your goal should not be to understand, because he hasn't revealed to you why he doesn't do what you desire. You don't know the combination to his safe, so you'll never know. But it's irrelevant. The only thing you need to know is that you're living a dissatisfying life, even if he has some good qualities. Most young people have many relationships before discovering who their person is. Exit your first relationship to be free to find someone who will match you in every important way.

So, you're basically using him because you think he's better than nothing. Yeah, it's as crappy a thing to do to him, as he's doing to you, such as in the reason below. If I were single at your age, I'd think the world was my oyster and I could start exploring where I'd like to live and start applying for jobs in that area. Doesn't even have to be permanent either. You could join the Peace Corps. Some people are qualified to teach English in Japan or other countries. You could join a cruise ship crew and not have to worry about apartment rent until you save money and decide to be more settled, later. Ultimately, if you can't help yourself by being strong enough to do what's best for yourself now, to get you where you want to be in the future, all the advice in the world won't do you any good. Read some articles on delayed gratification. Here's an excerpt from an article by Kelly Miller: The concepts of delayed gratification, self-control, and self-regulation are often used interchangeably and inconsistently. The ability to delay an impulse for an immediate reward to receive a more favorable reward at a later time is the standard definition of delayed gratification. Studies have shown that the ability to delay reward is present in highly successful people.

People with decent self-worth want a partner who eases their troubles, like a soft pillow to land on with the normal stresses of daily life. People who lack self-love accept toxicity, because subconsciously, it's what they think they deserve. Be alone and work on your self-worth. If you can do that, you will likely have better relationship success in the future.

Here are a few suggestions since you are getting back into dating after a long period away from it. Even if sparks are flying, keep the first couple of dates less than two hours. You don't want to overdo it and be stars that sizzle so hot they just as quickly burn out. Keep a realistic wait-and-see attitude. Try to keep your mindset in the present and don't project to the future. Try to just think, "My goal is to enjoy having a good cup of coffee and interesting conversation." Time will reveal all, if you're compatible in all the major ways, have similar dating and life goals, and similar ethics, etc. That's why there's a dating program called: It's just lunch. Don't place huge expectations on beginning dating situations. It takes a long time to get past the honeymoon stage to see the real person, if it even gets that far. And just because your kids have met each other, don't feel as though everyone should mingle again until it gets to a point where you both know it looks like the relationship will be long term. That's usually not before the 8 to 10 month mark. Kids don't need to get attached to adults who quickly end up exiting. It's harder to date without going to each others homes when the kids are there, but the kids mental health is more important than inconvenience. Good luck and have fun!

You did what you thought was best, but even though your friend's mother works with social services, even she doesn't make the best decisions, since she failed to prevent something like that going on in her home. The girl has chosen to go home and she knows she can call 911 and was probably given numbers and info from social services. If I were you, since you're crossed the line past friendship, an ongoing friendship will not be in your best interest when you start dating other girls, and they find out you remain in contact with this girl, and how you two almost started dating. It doesn't sound like you know her that well. It's probably in her best interest to seek out female friendships, or platonic friendships with guys whereas they each have absolutely no romantic chemistry. It's okay to not get emotionally involved with someone, even if they are struggling. She likely won't be ready to date in a healthy way for a very long time, if ever, depending. Don't tie yourself to someone who has already shown you she blows every which way the wind takes her.

Please reconsider the balloon as balloons are bad for the environment and harmful to wildlife. If you've had bad luck with dating in the past, it could be women sense the extremeness of your emotions and it scares them. Writing walls of text and crying 3 times a day for a woman you had relations with a mere 7 months, and interviewing a large group of people about your traits is way over the top. I hope you can learn to regulate your feelings better in any future dating experiences. I can tell you if any woman knew you did any of this in the past, she'd avoid the risk of dating you. Too intense. As long as you can learn from each experience and improve, there is hope for better results in the future. Good luck.

That info helps. I can speak from a place of understanding. Since childhood, I suffered from depression, low self-esteem, and social anxiety. Never was on medication or received therapy, as in my era it wasn't common for children and teens to receive the care they needed, and parents could be quite clueless. I guess through my own resilience, and a need for connection with people in social settings, I dealt with it the best I could and put myself in social situations anyway, regardless of my initial discomfort. You likely have always possessed a low self esteem so don't blame it on feedback from your bad experiences with men. You can't let other people have that sort of power over you. It's more likely you overlooked red flags, or just weren't realistic to think that most new relationships peter out versus succeeding. Often, we subconsciously choose who we think we deserve, and if we lack self-worth, someone toxic fits the bill. Good for you for getting yourself out there with the church groups and art classes. Keep at it, and keep trying new venues until you find a good fit. Unfortunately, as your life is now, with no friends and without a fulfilling life, a decent man will be scared away that he will be the sole center of your happiness, and that's too daunting. Most people are attracted to a person who will expand their world, and have their own fulfilling life, and get the sense a person has standards and will be just fine if things don't work out. Friendships can take years of regularly seeing each other to form. Don't be too thirsty that you scare away people in that area, either. Just keep putting yourself into the world and maybe something will click with someone. You could even start your own Meetup.com group, saying you'll be painting in a particular park or other scenic area on a particular day. There are always people looking to join others in fun activities. In the meantime, I'd break up with the guy who doesn't want you to observe what's going on where he lives, and who isn't financially stable. Take care.