Andrina

For the first paragraph in quotes, you're giving your side. Perhaps you were messaging too often because the change in her pattern made you suspicious, and your clinginess is off-putting. I don't know, just a guess. As for the second paragraph, well, she chose to be in a tour group of people in her age group for a reason. If a person was with a buddy and the main goal was to see the sights, they wouldn't care about the ages of the other people on the tour bus. Do you two have any rules about opposite sex friendships? You don't like her behavior, so perhaps take this as good info you need to know. Four weeks seems like a long time to you, but in the grand scheme, it's a quick blip in time. Don't get into arguments or serious discussions until she returns. Keep yourself busy by hanging out with friends, starting a new hobby, working out your stress at the gym or jogging, etc. If she's created a friendship with the tour buddy, will you be okay with her keeping in contact with him? Best to know your relationship boundaries, and if you haven't discussed them before, see if you're on the same page when she gets back. And what is this about her jealousy? Is this a regular stressor in your life? Or does it boost your ego? How does she act and for what reason? It could be the case she's decided she's too young to be in a serious relationship, and needs to sow more wild oats before settling down. It could be you are overreacting and you're being a downer while she's trying to enjoy her vacation. It could be that you two have different relationship boundaries and aren't a good match. If that's the case, it's better to not try to change her, as she will just resent you if you act like a parental figure. It's best to find someone who matches your boundaries. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Can you expand on if these relationships were toxic or not? Were your partners kind, faithful, and all those other good things, but they ended things because as you say, you ignored your partners needs? If you say you've been in love, if you loved them, why then didn't you care enough to want to please them by meeting their needs? Do you not like to ever put another's needs before your own, when warranted? Just curious about your situation. To answer your question, technically, a person doesn't need a romantic partner, because one could survive alone. If you want a child you can get a donor egg/sperm or adopt. If you want sexual satisfaction, there are vibrators and masturbation, etc. If you don't want to do all the household chores, you could hire a housekeeper. As for me, I like a romantic partner to have a companion while eating meals and doing activities with. I like how he thinks of me during the day when we are apart for work and sends an I Love You text. I like how we can rely on each other to take care of one another when we're sick. I like how we make each other's lives easier. There are some negatives because there will always be some arguments, but those times are far fewer than the good times, so the pros outweigh the cons.

As said, it's better not to project to the future. Make your goal be solely as enjoying good food in the company of someone who will hopefully be interesting to spend time with. Everybody has a story, and even if you never see them again, make that brief time something pleasant. I did OLD, and I couldn't be everyone's cup of tea, and sometimes they weren't mine, but that's okay. I showed up and you'll be doing the same. Pat yourself on the back for getting out there. See how he guides the conversation, and respond just as you would if you were meeting a new female co-worker. And then ask him the same. Have a few safe topics you can present, such as if he has pets, hobbies, what type of movies and music he likes. Even if you feel down about yourself, keep it to yourself. THAT is the subject that would bore people. And it'd also be allowing a negative reel to repeat itself, which you need to change. You keep saying: What if? Well, how about thinking instead: What if everything goes well? What if we find each other attractive? What if we have fun?Won't that be great?

I'll address a few things not discussed yet. The first is, a guy shouldn't know your address as early as the 2nd date. Though he didn't act crazy, there are lots of crazy people in the world, so get in more public dates to learn more about guy before letting him know where you live. For myself, I used to do OLD, and an example of this was a guy I met who appeared to be very normal on the first date, but on the second date, he showed some red flags and a phone call that followed showed how crazy he really was. I thanked God he didn't know where I lived. My second point is that some good advice that seems valid to me is to keep the first few dates short. Your second date lasted 12 or more hours and that's too much togetherness at the beginning. These few things are some ways you could tweak how you date. Worth a try.

How about putting a different spin on it, and realizing his maturity and life goals don't match yours. Loving someone isn't a good reason to stay if those major things are missing. Your relationship worked for a time, but now that it's time to take things to the next level, he wants to remain stagnant. I can only say if it were me, I'd free myself.

Why were you both in a big rush with all these major changes when you hadn't been together that long? Him moving in with you in your mom's house only months after the honeymoon period. A wedding after a year and a half when you two can't even afford a place of your own at the moment? What was the reasoning behind these decisions? Most people's jobs do take a big part of the day, so that likely won't change for you if you want your own home and transportation. But if you don't like your job, perhaps keep applying for other jobs that you'll be happier at. What were your must-haves for a forever partner? You mentioned the one thing about the argument about the bill, which wasn't explained in detail. Is he frugal, or does he spend money on nonsense? Does he have a good plan for achieving a good career, or has his pattern been jumping from one thing to another, and never following through? Do you life goals match, as to having children or not, and staying in the area or not? If everything's good, here are my suggestions: He needs time to decompress after work, so I don't know if this is the time he gets on his phone in bed or not. Make sure he has time with that without you being needy. But also make it clear you also want some quality time with him without the distraction of the phone, but you will have to make it pleasant for him as well. Maybe lay in bed and listen to music you both like. Make the topics pleasant and fun. My husband and I sometimes talk about nostalgic things about our childhoods before going to sleep. Instead of him just cuddling you, sometimes give him a foot rub or back rub. Make it a happier time for him than scrolling on a phone will be. Another suggestion is to have a date day/night once a week or once a month. You say you're tired, but once you get out, you might find yourself rejuvenated. There are low-cost and freebie stuff you can do. You just have to do research and be creative. Most towns have hiking parks that can be free. Some lakes and beaches have free parking. Do you two ever get together with friends? Another couple? It's crucial he's not the sole source of your social life. And about your short-temper--yes, he's already showing signs the bitterness you spew is eating away at the love like a cancer. You're really going to have to let minor things slide, and decide which major issues need a conversation, but word those conversations in a way that will solve the problem, not making digs at him. If perhaps you've realized you made a rash decision by living with and marrying this man, perhaps get an annulment.

Those 2 statements don't sound like you found out in a normal conversation. Regardless, you feel like your relationship is built on sand right now instead of on concrete. If it were me, I'd maybe pull back from the relationship a bit and see if she takes that opportunity to let you fade away, if her feelings are that she's outgrown the relationship. Perhaps suggest that you two don't move in right away together in Michigan, but continue to date, and see what she thinks about that. If she jumps at that idea, perhaps she no longer wants to continue a relationship with you. Some people are cowardly about breaking up. Because who wants to be with someone who's just not into you anymore? Of course, she just might be at a crossroads making her nervous, and she might put equal effort into remaining with you. If you keep a mellow demeanor, you might be able to get the truth from her. I'd say: I just want you to know I won't freak out if you don't see a future with us. I'll be upset, of course, but I only want to be with you if you feel the same. If you don't, please free me so I can start making different plans. Sometimes there's only one person driving the relationship train, and the other stays on the ride because of passivity. I don't know either of you, so I'm just shooting some ideas out there. Good luck and keep us updated.

I'm assuming you're young, so it's normal to be learning as you go, and now that you have that experience tucked under your belt, you'll know to avoid women like her in the future. Think of it as dodging a bullet, as who need a gf who will freely say inappropriate things to another guy when she's taken, as well as touching another guy in a way she wouldn't if her main squeeze was around? Yeah, don't allow yourself to be her plaything and touch you without your permission. You don't have to be belligerent, but you can say in a mellow tone, "I'm the type of person who only wants my girlfriend to touch me like that, so I'm asking a favor that you don't do that." Or come up with whatever you're comfortable saying. Also, you can still be pleasant at work, but if she tries to engage you in inappropriate lengthy conversations, you can just cut her short and say you have to get back to work. In the future, don't engage with this 7th grade stuff like that J drew you into. Hearsay is not fact, and you can manage your own love life. If you've not been meeting any new singles in your age group, think about what activities you can join to have you expanding your social circle. Good luck.

A guy who so easily is touchy-feely like this, along with the wink, has a lot of practice. In my lifetime of experience, he knows you have a crush on him and it boosts his ego, but yeah, he's just not that into you. After two times of seeing each other, a guy who was into you at this point would've asked for your number in case he never again bumped into you anywhere. Especially one who isn't shy, like him. I always went for earthy types of guys who lacked these smooth moves. If you see him again at another party, don't let him touch you like he's your bf unless he's asked for your number. Even then, if he's moving too fast with physical touch, let him know to cut it out. Just because he's cute, you have to see over time if he's worthy of your company. For now, I'd try not to fantasize about something that doesn't seem promising.

This is voyeurism, peeping Tom behavior (you say he's done this more than once). Men have been arrested for this and taking photos of women unknowingly whether it be in stores, hotels, high schools. You've stayed with a sicko, mentally unbalanced person without an immediate response of breaking up? Wow. If that's not a dealbreaker to you, what the heck is?

Your gf is absolutely correct and you have done the right thing by no longer doing lunch and losing this co-workers number. Chemistry normally doesn't go away between 2 people, even if they've never been intimate. And when you work with a person you share chemistry with, it is crossing boundaries to have an ounce more of involvement than you would with any other co-worker. Because people can be drawn into emotional affairs with a co-worker and sometimes don't realize it until it's too late. Under these circumstances, the co-worker is wrong for confiding in you about her bf. That's something she should be confiding to a female relative or friend. And yes, she knows you have a gf so this could be her way of placing a worm in your brain, informing you she's easy for the taking if you wanted to dump your gf to be with her, without saying as much. This woman is an adult and she can figure out her own situation without your help. Your gf's feelings are more important, and they are valid.

I'd supplement the OLD with Meetup.com groups. As for OLD, I imagine the experience can be different for some. When I did it for several years, I didn't have problems with guys sending messages. But I do recall that I was usually the first to have to say: I think we've learned enough about each other through messaging, so if you want to speak on the phone, let me know if you want my number. (Blocking is a great feature now on phones, so if you have to later use that function, it's no big deal to give a guy your number). And then a conversation usually, but not always, led to a date. If not, it's because I had red flags waving from the guy, or he flaked about a first meet). But if a meet did happen, the gamut ran between neither of us sparking, or only one of us sparking, or of both of sparking. With the sparking, sometimes it petered out after 2 or more dates. One lasted a year. But I did meet my husband on OLD, so I felt it was a lot of digging through sand before finding the treasure. Perhaps what you put on your profile plays a factor. Make sure it's full of positive things concerning your own life, your interests and activities, versus what you do or don't want in a man. As far as you "pestering" a man to respond, DON'T. Don't put more effort into what you're getting as far as that is concerned. Good luck.

I can think of plenty of ways this could happen with his thorough enjoyment. When he's about to watch a soccer game, prepare a delicious snack you both can enjoy. And then do what you enjoy yourself while being beside him in the living room, whether it's reading, listening to an audio book or podcast with bluetooth, etc. You could also take turns giving each other back or foot massages to keep a pleasurable physical connection. Some towns have couples stores where you can buy fun toys or massage lotions etc. for the bedroom. If none exist, you can cuddle next to him and tell him you can pick out stuff together on the Internet. Scope out places you two have never been around town, and tell him you'd like to go on a fun outing to check it out. Doing things like that are usually bonding without speaking of the "state of the relationship." And you can keep the topics on things most people would enjoy speaking about. I know my husband and I sometimes have talks of nostalgia, talking about the favorite candy we'd buy as kids, some no longer existing. Who our friends were as kids, and the things we'd do and what trouble we got into. We've also spoken of bucket list travel destinations. When he sees you making effort that he enjoys to keep a spark in the relationship, he should respond in kind. You could say that you're in charge of planning something fun the first weekend of the month, and the next month, it will be his turn. I am the planner in the relationship with my husband. We wouldn't do much besides his planning going to restaurants if it weren't for me. I had to accept that because life is not a fairy tale where you will get 100 percent of everything you want in a partner. But it's not a dealbreaker for me. You have to realize what your must-haves are, stick to them when choosing a partner, and mellow out about the things you will let slide. Give those things I suggested a try, and if you still feel like you shouldn't have gotten married, perhaps consult an attorney. A good way to gauge your feelings: either you have a warm and fuzzy feeling when thinking of growing old with a partner, or a feeling as though a great weight has been lifted off your chest if the partner is no longer in your life.

I would find you mentally exhausting as a partner. If he is faithful, kind, contributes his fair share for finances and chores, what are all of these posts and apps you're trying to shove down his throat? If you want to get cerebral about personal growth, join in that conversation with likeminded people, but it doesn't sound like he's interested. If you wanted a partner who matched you in that way, you should have selected one who clearly showed that interest. A partner cannot fulfill you in every single way. I do think it's important for a couple to be able to enjoy each other's company during leisure time as well as togetherness in an activity or hobby each enjoys. And then also get fulfillment solo and with friends apart from a spouse. Just like my husband doesn't read books, so I talk about books with my daughters. As for him, do you think he pushed marriage to get a green card? What would happen if you got an annulment? Are you financially responsible for him for 10 years? Did you sign an affidavit of support? What do you mean by needing way deeper levels of intimacy. What is the concrete behavior that would describe what that would be?

Let's look at this logically. Does he send photos of himself to the male friend gamer and confide in him about the state of your relationship? Of course not. This is clearly at minimum an emotional affair, and even if it's not reciprocated, it's just as harmful as a physical affair. It happened because there is an emotional disconnection between you two, along with him breaking relationship boundaries. You finding out would've been a wake up call for someone who actually cared. If he feared losing you, realized his mistake, and couldn't stand hurting you, he would have broken communication with the gamer and would've done everything in his power to right things with you. Instead, you see he continued his bad behavior, so he's quite okay with losing you. In that case, you're okay with staying with someone like this because you don't want to start over? People start over, all the time, at ages far beyond your age. If you don't want to move, make your house amenable to a female roommate. Taking care of two dogs by yourself might be challenging, but you made the commitment to two living animals, so you'll have to suck it up. After the mourning process, when you get to the healing stage, you'll likely feel a big weight come off your chest that you no longer have a partner struggling with mental health issues. My first husband had them, and I was relieved I no longer had to walk on eggshells any longer. Good luck.

Are there other ways he shows his love for you? Has he taken good care of you if you've been sick? Is he thoughtful, like picking up things for you at the store he knows you need? Would he come to your aid if you had a flat tire, or would he gripe and tell you to try to get it done without his help? Just trying to get a better idea of your relationship. Does he do his fair share of chores? Is he self centered about decisions, or does he seek your input? It's good to think about if a man meets all of your main needs to decide if he'd be a good lifetime partner for you. Yes, give it time for you two feel better after being employed, but if you can't be happy without a partner being as equally affectionate as you, free yourself to find a man like that.

So she continued this same pattern with you at dinner that she takes no ownership as being part of the problem, and therefore her behavior will remain toxic. She doesn't plan on changing for the better. When you get time and distance away from her, it will be as though you came down from cloud nine. I know it happened to me when I was in a one year toxic relationship. I was devastated and wanted him back after he broke up with me, but four months later when he contacted me out of the blue, I had already awoken to the fact I would never get back together with him, and couldn't believe how long I'd stayed, and that I hadn't been the one to do the breaking up. Therapy is a good idea, to bring you to a better headspace so you can choose a better partner in the future. Take care.

Have you ever thought some guys might lose interest because of this? Something you could work on, as I know if the tables were turned and a guy only expressed affection toward me with sex only without ever expressing his feelings toward me in words, I wouldn't be very happy. Anyone can improve with practice.

P.S. Since you're new to dating, don't go into details and keep it general. Such as if a woman asks, tell her that your style is to be open to multi-dating and that you're comfortable dating a month or two before deciding to become exclusive, or whatever your timeline is. But even if asked DO NOT go into detail, such as that for sure you're dating someone else, who that person is, what you do with that other person, what they look like, etc. It's nobody's business when you're not doing anything wrong, and details will only serve to paint a picture in the woman's head that's not fun for her to think about. Some people ask questions, but if it's something they don't need to know, it's best to not answer.

I'll just say that I've never had a guy mention this to me on beginning dates, and I was okay with that. As for me, when it seemed as though we were heading toward intimacy, I was the one that did ask about the guy's dating style because I wanted someone who was on the same page as me. I did not want to be intimate with someone who was multi-dating. And I'll just mention that in my mind, exclusivity in the beginning didn't mean something serious like I assumed we would end up long term. To me, I preferred exclusivity because it's my preference to focus on one person at a time when we get to the point of intimacy, without outside interference. It wasn't a good feeling to me if I were intimate with a guy on Tuesday, and then on Friday, he's making out with another woman. Most couples have sex far earlier than at the point they really know each other, because you usually are looking through rose-colored glasses the first 4 months unless a person is toxic or crazy. So it's not like whomever you pick is slated to be your forever person. It's just that you have a good feeling right now, and time will tell. It's up to you if you want to bring it up, but if you're not concerned about it on your end, it might come out wrong. I'd maybe wait for the woman to bring it up.

I don't know what you find enjoyable about his company when it involves all that negativity and inappropriate communication with an ex. When the change that you hope for is major, he is the wrong man for you. You were a convenient branch for that monkey to swing to when his past crashed down. And let me guess--he lives with you because he doesn't have his crap together. If you break up with him, believe me, it won't be long before he finds another woman to seek shelter with and then he'll be badmouthing two women. But who cares? You won't have to be around anymore. Since he's treating you like you're invisible, disappear.

I would continue meeting each in public, to avoid being intimate before you make a decision. Because many women bond through sex, unlike men in the early stages, since the amount of hormones released in the women are far greater during the act. And it might be more hurtful to the one you decide to no longer date. As said, this is the time for Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Of course, if one or both women ask you what your dating style is, you can be honest and tell them you multi-date and it takes you some time to decide about exclusivity.

She's not a yo-yo who you can release when you want to sow your wild oats, and then reel her back in as soon as someone else has found who you "toyed" with to be interesting. You've learned the consequences of your behavior. Sure, have your talk and get everything out in the open. If I were her, I'd see you as high-risk dating material, as past recent behavior predicts present and future behavior.

You and her sister would both be POSs if you allowed your fantasy to become reality and the sister allowed it. You've obviously outgrown this starter relationship, so take some time to be single, and when you're ready to date, there are countless number of single women in your age group whom you can date without ethical issues.

So you were the one who twice initiated the ask for a date with vague replies? Sounds like you're used to putting in more of the effort and it takes you too long to cut a guy loose who isn't worthy of your attention. No need to confront a guy about this. You simply say: This relationship isn't working for me. Goodbye. Because actions speak for themselves. Why cajole a guy into spending time with you? How is that enjoyable if you have to prod someone into being in your presence? I know from experience because I made similar mistakes years ago when I did OLD. Many women regret knocking boots too soon, but rarely do they regret having waited. Because yeah, a guy who is into you and seeking a LTR will have the patience to wait, and he will enjoy getting to know all about you until then. It takes dating a boatload of people before finding a good catch, so cut the losers loose a lot faster than you've been doing. At the beginning, put in equal effort and not a drop more. No double-asking. It's the best way to gauge true interest. Take care.