Andrina

You didn't reply to the suggestion of making this a double date. Even as your bf doesn't care, your former co-worker's gf might be the type that does care. So even if your invite is platonic, you could be stirring up trouble for him and his gf, since she doesn't know you or your intentions, especially when you haven't included her. I get the feeling you don't want his gf and her bf around and included within this "friendship." Just be aware it's not all about you. You have to think of how your actions might affect others and act accordingly.

You call him an emotionless man. What do you find satisfying in your relationship, excepting this bad period in your relationship? In normal times, how does he make you feel like the special person you are? Why did it take 12 years to make the leap into marriage? What do your friends and family think of him?

Social media makes it seem like a small world, but even an hour and a half is too far, practically, for dating. Four hours is a whole half of a work day. Expensive, exhausting, too little time together, or too much time together at the beginning if you plan long weekends together. Not the normal pace of dating. This is the time of your life you should be meeting, in person, a huge pool of single guys in your age group. Stick to local dating. Relationships that start as an LDR have an extremely high rate of failure. I only recommend LDRs for people already in a relationship who have to temporarily move for school or career opportunities. Get the fear of rejection as far as dating goes out of your mind. People normally go through numerous dating experiences before finding a lifetime partner. Sometimes people just aren't compatible. Nobody's fault. You can't be everyone's cup of tea. So what?

This actually sounds creepy to me. Where you're getting that he's introverted and shy, I don't know, with everything you described. Logically, when you've both expressed your "interest" in one another, the next step would be for him to ask you out. The fact that he hasn't means one of two things: 1. That he's not single as you assume or have heard, and it's also likely the reason he can't freely communicate by phone after work hours. 2. He's single but is just not that into you. He likes the fact you have a crush on him, and it gives the work day an extra spark, but he will never ask you on a date. Don't blame what you assume as "shyness" as the reason he's not asking you out. Kissing you and saying he has interest shows he bold enough to do that, and he'd especially have no anxiety about you accepting since you kissed him back and told him of your interest. Don't let yourself be the mouse the cat has fun batting around. Get your answer by asking him to meet outside of work. If he hems and haws, has excuses and delays when this will happen, etc., he's not a good dating prospect, so it's time to end your socializing with him at work. Because when you're emotionally bonded to an unavailable man, it will prevent you from being mentally available for better dating prospects. If he happens to say yes, you will move to the next level, which is what you want. Let us know how it goes.

What are the relationship boundaries as far as opposite sex friends goes, that you and your boyfriend have discussed? If you haven't discussed that yet, do so to make sure you're both on the same page so you don't waste time with someone incompatible. Many couples meet up with other couples or have group friends. Why not try to establish this as another couple for you and your bf to hang out with, versus you and the old co-worker hanging out one-on-one?

You're not great/close friends, otherwise, you'd have planned a special birthday gathering with him. When your relationship goals didn't match several years ago, you should have let the friendship fade. You wouldn't be this hurt if you didn't have a crush and were overly involved in the minutiae of his life. This sort of friendship seems to be more hurtful to you than satisfactory. Admit this to yourself and move on to more satisfying friendships. And if you eventually want to date a guy, he will be reticent when he sees you're emotionally bonded to a guy who only wanted FWB with you. Not a good basis for a friendship.

She hugged you without asking if it was okay. She made the first physical move. She has now accepted the third ask for a date. Assume she's into you. It's now time to act with confidence and take her hand without asking. It's your turn to offer affection. I've never had a guy ask me if he could hold my hand. If she doesn't want to hold hands but is okay with the closeness of hugging, I'd be shocked and she'd be out of the norm in not liking it. But if she doesn't, she'll speak up. It's not like you'd be inappropriate with holding hands at this point in time. The only time I rejected holding hands was at a first meet, when I'd decided that would be our last meet. It was wrong of him to assume I liked him enough to go on another date when he hadn't even asked that question yet. Your case is different, and perhaps she's been a little closed off because you seem hesitant and unsure about things and maybe she's trying to read whether or not you're truly into her. Show her you are with the reaching for her hand and smiling. Can't wait to hear how it goes.

Ring, ring, ring. It's your past calling. Don't answer. It has nothing new to say. When you're unhappy in your present, you can't fathom what the future holds, so you look to the past to find your happiness, but you're wrong in that you will find it there. Your self-worth is clearly lacking as well, because subsconsciously you feel that pieces of crap are what you deserve, so it's what you feel you should accept. My advice? Block him. Read some articles/books on how to build your self-worth. Make a must-have list and a dealbreaker list for future dating situations, and stick to the list. As soon as a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time. No giving second chances and trying to make sense over something that doesn't make sense. You're a grown woman and you have to have your own back. You don't have to keep connections and be buddies with exes. I don't understand the satisfaction of every few years saying, "Hi, how are you?" Buddies are people you can hang out with and communicate with regularly, which a new partner wouldn't tolerate if that buddy is an ex. Let it go!

You have a lot of excuses and false assumptions. My brother lives in the UK, and he received cognitive behavioral therapy. If it takes years to see a doctor, make the appointment. 2 years to wait is better than never seeing a doctor, or pay for the supplemental insurance to be seen earlier. You can buy over the counter vitamin E suppositories to add lubrication on a regular basis. They can be used during the week, not just when you're having sex. You can buy one of those bidet's that attach to a toilet to clean yourself, and do things to make a positive connection to the after-sex feelings, like taking a relaxing bath. I once read that if sex isn't messy and noisy, you're not doing it right. I've switched doctors many times when I didn't like how I was treated. I'd do the same if I were you. For now, to make sex more pleasurable, why not give each other oral until climax and not have him climax inside you every time. Just have him ejaculate inside you during the period of the month when you're most likely the most fertile. I think that entails you taking your temperature before getting out of bed each morning, but you'll have to read an article on how that works.

Since you are new to dating, I'll give you a hint as to something I noticed several guys would do whenever I was in the beginning stages of dating, and I found endearing. Before a first kiss, they'd reach to touch the hair by my temple, like brushing it back. I thought that was smart, as they could gauge whether I was receptive to the kiss or not with that sort of preliminary touch. I imagine a woman who wouldn't want this closeness yet would pull her head back or have an uncomfortable look on her face. A woman who would welcome this touch would smile. Have a wait-and-see-attitude as far as asking her to be your gf. You don't even know her normal personality yet, since she seems a bit closed off right now. Because if she never got to the point of being flirty with you, you might end up feeling liking she's more like a buddy. In time you will know if you two should continue on or not. Dating is all about finding out who is right for you and who isn't. Have fun.

You could always use a towel on the bed until you clean up. At some point, a woman isn't as lubricated inside and estrogen cream can help with dryness, but of course, if you're trying to get pregnant, you will have to ask your gynecologist about this. You're in your 40s and trying to get pregnant? If you try for 6 months to a year and haven't gotten pregnant, you might want to get medically checked to see what can up your chances for pregnancy, since the older you are, the lower the chances of getting pregnant. I'm sorry for your past sexual abuse. Did you get counseling for that?

If you're always waiting for 100 percent guarantee someone will say yes to an invite, you will be missing out on a lot of opportunities. It's always better to take a risk. If the answer is no, you've boosted her ego and you can emotionally move on to another prospect. Upsetting? Yes, but nobody said life was easy. If the answer is yes, you will get your wish of dating a woman who is beautiful both inside and out. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

After my first marriage ended, I went to three Meetup events for singles in my age group. Though on those three events I didn't meet anyone to date, I thoroughly enjoyed everyone's company, both male and female, and it was a lot less stressful than OLD. I have no doubt I might've met men I was interested if I'd kept going to the various events, but I ended up meeting my future husband on OLD after several years in that crazy venue, so I stopped doing Meetup. I've always highly recommended the groups, whether in the singles Meetups or the ones open for anyone just enjoying whatever activity it involves.

If he was caring for an ill family member, would you be talking to him about anything other than asking about how he and his family member is doing? Making yourself single and therefore free to meet a better prospect is far more advantageous to you than being with someone who is clearly self-centered.

I think you made the right decision. He will be leaving in 4 months, and in that short period of time, you will only know him during the honeymoon period--not enough time to know if he's worth the wait. At this point in time, he will be back in a year, which isn't long in the span of time, and if you are both single and he has no future plans to regularly leave town for huge chunks of time, then you could both discuss a dating opportunity at that time. In the meantime, I'd agree to no contact, so that you don't bond and thwart any other opportunities to date.

What kind of dates is she rejecting? What had you planned? What kind of problems does she have? Does she suffer from depression? To me, it doesn't seem like she's all that into you. You're the only one driving the train. You complain she never initiates contact, yet you're so into her that you're willing to put in all the effort even though she's lacking in that area? Is that what you did with your ex who ended up seeing you as a friend only? Do you have a pattern of dating women whereas you put in most of the effort? After 3 weeks of you taking the lead, sit back and let her make an effort, and if she doesn't, let her fade away. If she ends up asking, "Oh, I haven't heard from you lately." Then you can let her know that you prefer dating relationships where each person takes an equal part in making plans and communicating. It's the best way to gauge a person's interest, so you don't waste time on someone who just likes temporary attention while waiting for someone they are more into.

Sounds like being attractive is the only thing he has going for him. You can do waaaay better. Block him now.

If it were me, I'd try to divide the house in the rehab process so that it has a mother-in-law suite. That could solve the animal allergy problem for your mother, and be a future, possible living space for the guardian of your son, so there's a bit of privacy for the both of them.

Just be honest. No way around not hurting someone when breaking up. Nobody said life was easy.

In my first marriage, my husband had some of the traits your husband possesses. It was so wonderful to be free of that environment after I divorced him. I was shocked to hear myself laughing out loud, since I'd gone without expressing that sort of joy for many years. Do you have a support system of friends and family? Are you leasing or do you own a home together? Don't stress yourself about the enormity of a break up. Take baby steps toward that goal. First, don't tell him you're doing this, but make an appointment with a lawyer for the info you need and guidance. Secondly, if he is on any of your joint bank accounts and credit cards, remove him. Change any passwords he's in the know about. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but keep telling yourself you're strong enough to get out. Take care.

Well, that sibling strife when you two were younger is common stuff many go through. My brothers and I were jerks to each other all the time when we were young. But he should have matured as an adult, and according to you he hasn't, since he is toxic to everyone around him. Parents shouldn't be appeased 100 percent of the time just because they're your parents. They're not taking your feelings into consideration that it's not in your best interest to be around him. If I'm working an entire year to afford a yearly vacation, I'm certainly not going to spend it with someone who's difficult to be around. If it were me, I'd take my vacation to visit my parents at a different time my sibling is visiting. You can choose your friends, but not your family. My friend has a sign on her door: Welcome friends. Relatives by appointment only. Good luck!

With that info, in your shoes, I'd tell her: When you're done mourning and get to the healing part, I'd love for you to reach out to me as long as you've blocked him. If we're both free and single to date, we can give it a go. Otherwise, it's best we go no contact until you're fully ready to date. She could have blocked him the second they broke up, but she kept that line to him open. She allowed a conversation because she chose to be connected to him in that way. Yeah, you don't tell other people how to run their lives, especially when you're not exclusive, but you can walk away when their boundaries don't mesh with yours. You're giving her credit for "standing her ground" because you're so enamored in his newness stage. I don't see any redeeming qualities about letting one millisecond of a conversation take place at all. As I said in another post, going slow is BS. If a person's not ready to date at a normal pace, then it's not the right person to date. And now she sees she can have her cake and eat it too, getting attention from two men with no bad consequences. One can't open the door to new possibilities when one has their foot fully wedged in the back door. Good luck with that! You'll need it.

Always being the advocate for children and pets who rely on adults for their well-being, I think it's more caring for a parent to concentrate solely on their children at this stage, getting their children used to the new dynamic of a new lifestyle. The child likely is already experiencing the feeling of abandonment, if the father has left the household, even if he stays up with custody visits. And then when dropped off with grandparents, even if they are loving, she/he might fear what next shoe might drop, and maybe Mom will take off to live elsewhere also. Especially when the child is 5 and can't reason as well as an older child. Mom distracted by a new man, even if the child never meets him, is the last thing the child needs right now. I had a friend who divorced when her child was 3. When she'd put the child in the car seat and shut the door, she had to continuously knock on the side of the car while walking around the car until she got in the driver side for reassurance, because she thought her mother was going to abandon her as well. My other opinion is that if you can't date at a normal pace, it's the wrong person to date. I think taking it either slow or moving too fast are both BS.

Yes, well, with longterm things like work conditions that won't be going away, a person who truly cares will care that their partner has reasonable needs and will make efforts despite the situation. She doesn't seem to care that you're unsatisfied. What does she want you do, throw up your hands and say, "Oh well, it was good while it lasted. Now I have to live with this new norm." If I had a job where my mind couldn't relax on my days off and I was too stressed and exhausted to be intimate with my husband, then I would definitely reconsider my career choices. This is clearly a case where either she doesn't care enough, whether it be she's outgrown the relationship or her depression prevents her from a normal connection with you. And a case where you being a doormat, and groveling for something she can't or won't give you, will not get you what you want. There's a reason the saying exists: You can't get blood from a stone. And despite the past sexual compatibility, you like to talk and she doesn't. I know how unenjoyable that can be. Your love for her is clouding you to the face that she is not the ideal partner for you.

I, too, was once in a one year relationship where I cared for the man, and saw our incompatibility as far as sex and communication, yet kept clinging. He broke up with me and not until months later, with time and distance, did I realize he did me a favor. This freed me to, 9 months later, meet a man who I was 100 percent happier with. Better to date someone you don't want to change in major ways, versus hoping for major changes in order for you to be happy.