Andrina

Some people are concerned about what they will or grudgingly won't inherit, such as a house, when a parent passes. Perhaps they envisioned this happening, but now he's marrying and moving. Just another possible angle to look at as the cause. How far away are you two moving? Maybe in moving, the problem will resolve as most of the time, the gatherings won't be as regular. If it were me, I like to read, listen to audio books and podcasts, and do crossword puzzles, so if I had to attend a gathering where I'm ignored, I would bring my Bluetooth and books, etc., and entertain myself.

That's the thread he's carefully planned to keep you hooked on the line. He plays on your heartstrings while also keeping himself guilt-free by telling you he can't commit. That's so while you're so enamored, he can keep getting what he wants from you until the day your brain kicks in and you cut the thread. At that point, when you start crying, he can say, "I told you so. You can't blame little ol' me." Once you've crossed the line from friendship into intimacy, you can't undo that status. Any dating prospects you have will walk away when you're communicating/getting together with/ a guy you did the wild thing with. Nobody, but nobody is worth waiting for. And what happens many a time is that when a person is ready, it's usually not for a person from their past. Go no contact, and if he balks, it's even further proof he cares more about himself and his wants than how you will be negatively affected. Chemistry is only one of the things one seeks in a relationship. He's lacking a huge major must-have when it comes to monogamy. Move on.

What I'd learn from this is if you're interested in someone and can't go on a physical date with them within a few weeks time, don't enter into a cyber relationship. During these past few years, you might have let golden opportunities go by to date a great, available guy. Instead, you poured time and emotional energy into someone you falsely might've envisioned a future with. I'd go as far as blocking him, because when you do meet a nice guy, you won't want your phone all of a sudden pinging and it's this guy from your past. His interruption of whatever you have going on in your life will never be welcome. He's not a nice person to have played with your heart like this.

I can't see how a man like this would be appealing to any woman with a healthy self-worth, which leads me to believe that your subconscious falsely tells you he's all that you deserve. Guys who act like women are sex objects both in person and on social media would make most women's skin crawl. You've witnessed this, likely beyond the first few months when he might have briefly been on his best behavior. So what was so appealing about someone you can't thoroughly enjoy, because it seems like his hobby is voyeurism. If you were my friend asking advice, I wouldn't even recommend marriage counseling because he obviously doesn't want to change from a pervert into a decent man. If he did, he would listen to your concerns and take steps not to lose you.

You're thinking too much about scaring him away. If he can be scared away at you suggesting focusing solely on one another and see how it goes, then let him be scared away. If you'd be upset with him boinking other women while also boinking you, then you should ask for what you want--exclusivity. Either he will want to do that, or he won't. The secret is to date people who share your dating style. There are no rights or wrongs, but if you don't share the same dating style, it's misery. I was never comfortable with multi-dating after it got to the point where a guy and I were getting close to being intimate. I would broach the subject, and if he were the type to say, "It takes me a really long time to become exclusive with someone, and I do multi-date." Then he wouldn't be my match. That happened on at least one occasion and I walked away. IMO, exclusivity after a few months isn't some super-serious forever sort of situation, because you've barely scratched the surface of who a person is. To me it meant focusing solely on one another without the interference of dating others. And if it ended two days later, that was okay. I just didn't want to be making out with Joe and then the next night, he'd be on a date with Stacy, making out with her. Isn't it better to be driving the train of your life instead of being a passive passenger, giving up control to someone else? You're in charge, so act like it.

I thought antidepressants were for people who suffer from depression even if their lives are running otherwise smoothly. Are you the type of person who lacks the ability or patience to get over normal upsets in an expected due time? I don't know you, that's why I'm asking. Are you receiving any cognitive behavioral therapy on how to handle difficult feelings, or getting psychiatric care? I'd tell friends you no longer want to hear of the ex and what she's doing, and I'd also avoid the Christmas event she'll be at. I'd arrange for a separate Christmastime get together with whomever was hosting this event. Sounds like you've got a circle of friends which is great. What has your past relationship history been like? Do you have a list of must-haves and dealbreakers that you stick to? If not, I'd put one together to have a higher risk of success in future dating. Sounds like you ignored red flags, so I'd suggest not being enamored with someone so much that you ignore red flags and give chance upon chance to someone who was poor dating material from the get-go.

Why would she do this? Do you think she enjoys your jealous, unsettled reaction if she regularly does this along with telling you about all the attention she gets when you're not around? I'm sure she knows how upset you get about the attention she gets from other men, so why is she punishing you by waving around these sexy clothes in front of your face? If this, in fact, is happening, perhaps it's immaturity and insecurity on her part, as in, "You better stay on your toes, because I can easily find a replacement if you don't." I'm trying to figure out if you feel like your foundation feels like sea sand instead of concrete is due to her behavior, or your unfounded insecurities. Because after two years, haven't you witnessed how she's handled these situations? You say you trust her so you must be happy about how she handles flirtatious men. Does she enjoy this, or get annoyed? How does she handle it? You don't make any sense when you say you don't trust the men. What does this mean? What is the scenario you're fearing the most? What do you think will happen that has never happened in the last two years? Have you two ever discussed relationship rules? Are you two in agreement about them?

"The guy?" That's how you refer to him? Sounds like you don't like him very much, nor the situation. You're not being held prisoner, so get out.

If she was into you, she wouldn't have mentioned the date she had planned with someone else. So instead of holding back for now, I'd consider this as final. Have you heard of Meetup.com groups? There might be some in your area geared to singles in your age group. I'd give that a go. Good luck.

It's not a good time to seek romance right now. You won't be fully ready to be an ideal partner until you've come to a good place mentally, and ensuring it's long lasting. And your attraction towards her muddles what a thoroughly platonic friendship would entail. This friendship would eventually become a deterrent for any budding relationship you might be trying to form with another lady. I hope you reconsider rejoining the outpatient therapy. The extra effort you have to make during the week is worth it. Take care.

If he were typically sweet to you as he is with his mother, you likely wouldn't have a problem. Time to reconsider if this man is who you want for a lifetime partner. People with self-love bail if they are not respected.

Your contribution to not handling things well were making major decisions like getting engaged during the honeymoon period, and to not recognize that being a Mama's boy is a dealbreaker to anyone wanting a satisfying relationship. I dated a Mama's boy in my teen years, and broke up with him because of that fact plus one other dealbreaker. I vowed to never date a Mama's boy again, and stuck to that wise decision, though being a faulty human, still made other humongous mistakes as far as men went. I think many of my mistakes were made when I had poor self esteem, so think about if yours needs boosting as well, since you still have considered wanting to give him another go if he reaches out to you. We subconsciously choose who we believe we deserve. On his end, he's been manipulated for so many years by his mother that he's locked in a prison whereas he's the only one with the key. Some people are weak and choose the less bumpy road of submissive obedience to their family boss because to them, it's preferable to being punished. He/She sacrifices a normal romantic relationship, long-term anyway, and thoroughly expects the end when their partner has had enough. That's why he was said what he did below: I'm sure he's rattled this off to many women before, and he will again. He's 32 years old. If you think anybody's love will change him into a person who will stand up to his mother, that's a huge, fantastical pipe dream. I hope you've blocked him, because yes, as most of my exes did, he will reach out at some point. Better that you don't let him, because it might emotionally set you back to square one. Take this time to pamper yourself and find some happiness solo and spending time with supportive girlfriends. Take care.

Let P go, because he's worthy of someone faithful. It's not all about you, so if you never find anyone as good as P, that's the consequence you've paid for your lifestyle. Nobody should be your back up plan and a person to be used. Just have casual, short-term relationships instead of duping anyone into thinking you're someone you're not. You're using your past as a crutch and a poor excuse for your behavior. You're an adult now and don't need to lug around emotional baggage like it's something impossible to ditch. Don't become exclusive with someone unless you'll be bound by the average rules a monogamous couple abides by. Someday you'll realize the shallowness, and feel the emptiness, of bouncing from one person to another. To be monogamous holds wondrous treasures, just as when Elton John sings: It's no sacrifice. (no sacrifice to be monogamous--a beautiful thing)

Who said this? The fortune teller? Is the fortune teller saying this, or the boss? You're not very clear in your explanation. Why do you think your gf is telling you this? To get a jealous reaction from you? If it was the boss saying these things, what was her take on what was happening? If she wasn't outraged and disgusted, then she likes inappropriate attention from men and adores getting a jealous reaction from her main man. If you don't like being in a harem, time to make your leap out of the group.

Her decision-making skills for important matters like this are quite different than your own. She seems to take the act of sex more casually than you, and is more matter of fact about the rules, versus having the foresight of how her actions would ultimately affect what might turn out to be a serious relationship. I can only say if I were in the same situation, I'd walk away. I've never been one who would choose to continue dating someone if they were hanging out with an ex or someone they had a one night stand with. Sounds like you're a young guy who would not have trouble meeting a lot of single women your age. I'll also say it's not wrong to stay with her. You could always have a wait-and-see attitude while guarding your heart for a while, and see if your satisfaction with her and the situation improves. Good luck!

Didn't you ask her what differences were enacted going from being in a relationship to dating? You're still intimate, spend time together, communicate by phone. What on Earth is different? And what will she be doing to "change?" Is she perfection and just needs to sit high up on a throne to eyeball her subject to see if he will transform into a worthy subject? The fact you two have never had an argument could be that you are a people pleaser who stuffs his own wants/needs/upsets, perhaps in fear of losing his partner and rocking the boat. Change is hard and there are some people who, like her, are going through these emotional ups and downs, wishy-washy behavior, one step forward, two steps back approach, instead of being concrete, making a decision, and sticking to it boldly with confidence. I have a feeling that whatever you do as far as "improvements" go will result in the same consequence. I feel like she is done, and with time and distance, you will see she did you a favor by breaking up. The fact alone she keeps all her exes numbers is someone not worthy of you. Relationships that regress versus progress are doomed. I'm sorry you're suffering. If you had a spine, you'd say: No, I'm not stepping back. If we can't work toward relationship goals together, cheering each other on, I'm not going backwards and we'll have to go our separate ways.

I know when I was your age, my highs were really high, and my lows were really low. Please know the intensity of that will level off to more manageable levels as you mature. I'm sure you don't limit who your friends are, or whom you talk to in classes, by how attractive they are, do you? So stop being so hard on yourself. People who are attractive with a nasty attitude appear uglier than they actually are, and a person who wouldn't have a chance at being a model, but has a friendly personality, will appear more attractive to everyone she shines her light upon. When you want to get your mind off what's bothering you, volunteering is a good way to focus on others who will be thrilled you took your time to help. Hard to feel bad about yourself when you're doing good in the world. Ask your teachers and parents if they a good place to volunteer. Sometimes the elderly like to be read to in nursing homes, or they just welcome an ear to listen to the stories of their lives, and to hear about yours. Take care.

Why do you have a pattern of LDRs when they are the most difficult types of dating, and have a high risk of failure? As you can see, the fantasy that takes place because of so much cyber time before actually meeting creates a false picture of who the person really is. How far away from one another do you live? Will their be equal effort in visiting one another? Can you both afford regular visits? The problem with LDRs is that it's not the normal pace of dating, which is why she might have gotten snippy with too much time together at the very beginning, which can be avoided when you date locally. I only know that if someone is constantly criticizing me, it's not a good foundation to build a beautiful relationship. A person can voice wants and needs with good communication in a positive way without criticizing. If you end up feeling upset and she makes you feel "less than" more than you feeling satisfied and happy with the relationship, it's the wrong relationship for you.

"It can produce an intense, euphoric high that can distort your senses so that you see or feel things that aren’t really there." So what if one of your children came into the room and he was having a delusion that they were a monster and he needed to kill it with a knife? What if one of the kids found the drug and ingested it? What if the DMT was laced with something stronger, as street drugs sometimes are? What if police raided your home and the children were removed from your care? What if he needed to rush you to the hospital but he needed to come down from his high to do so? What if he is arrested, because it is against the law to take DMT? What if your children learn to handle their emotional problems by ingesting drugs? They are sponges and you can't hide anything from them. You remaining one more second in the home with your kids, or not kicking him out, is pure neglect. None of your reasons are valid. Don't try to sugarcoat this with your children being attached to his children. The danger negates everything, and there is absolutely NO justification for remaining with a drug user.

I know my own parents have disappointed me over the years, even as they both had good traits as parents. I'm actually a bit shocked at how well they did, as they each experienced much trauma as children due to family issues. I know I've probably done things my own children thought I could've done better. I'm sorry you don't feel supported. Unfortunately, we can't get that for some things from a parent. Who knows why? Sometimes a person doesn't know how to act for whatever reason. Their innate personality. Past trauma. It's why the saying exists, "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family." I hope you have someone else you can rely on to help you out during recovery, even if it's not a majory surgery. Perhaps one of your siblings? Take care.

The reel that goes on in our minds is very important and controllable, with practice. Start thinking of him as your "starter" relationship. Most of us have them, with few having the first person they date be their forever love. I know I have both fond memories and bad memories of my first love, and am grateful I didn't choose him as my forever person, because he wasn't the right one for that role. I did learn much about myself from him, just as you've learned much about yourself from your ex, so positivity came from the experience. Concentrate on that point. "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." Those are lyrics to a song you can say in your head as you give him a quick wave when passing by him on campus. As for him, he's likely a good person who is flawed, as many of us are in some ways, and tried to soften the blow by saying what would be less hurtful to you. Hard to get through a break up without upsets. I'd call or text him now and tell him you're only breaking contact because you think it's time get your belongings back, and that you wish him good luck in the upcoming semester. Take care and keep up the good work with your self-care.

Aren't all of these statements very telling about his character? That you're doing him a humongous favor with never-ending transportation, and then to add insult upon injury, you have to ASK him for money? And he doesn't care that you're exhausted with the chores being top-heavy on your side? You don't say if you've ever asked him to do an equal amount of chores, and what his response was. I'm assuming you're feeling resentful, so that's not a good foundation for a satisfying relationship. I can't say I'd stay with someone who acts more like a self-centered 13 year old boy who tries to get away with doing as little chores as possible and who doesn't want to part with any of his allowance. But if you do decide to remain for the time being, stop enabling him. You can't force him to get a license, but you can tell him you're feeling resentful, having to drive him to work, so he will have to arrange for his own transportation. If he tries to guilt-trip you or sulks or behaves in any negative manner, then that is further confirmation how self-centered he is, and far from being an ideal partner. In my first marriage, after my husband left the military, he was doing fun work which paid nothing. I told him it wasn't fair that I was working my butt off and working overtime and not even have enough money for a decent vacation once a year. So his getting a higher paying job, even if it meant having to go back to school to learn a new trade, would solve that problem, but he refused because he was so self-centered. Once I divorced him because of numerous reasons, what do you think he did? He went through training to achieve a better career because he could no longer live his life of leisure with his several hobbies without my salary. So if you're not enabling him, he will either get used to other forms of transportation, or he won't want to pay the high price for that and realize he can get cognitive behavioral therapy or hypnotism therapy to harness his fear of driving. Same with the chores. If he won't put in a fair share of work, only do your own laundry. I probably wouldn't let him manage the bills, however, because with his personality, he might get you into a giant mess. Good luck. You need it at this watershed moment. Let us know how it goes.

If there is any good reason to lose money, it's for the right reason since it will be the result of losing this loser. You didn't listen the first time to the forum posters and regretted it. If you learned the lesson this time, you will agree with the majority who are impartial-- giving advice with their brains in combination with their hearts in caring for a stranger who will be making the biggest mistake of her life in marrying this dirtbag. He duped you over and over and is still duping you. Love yourself enough to get away from this toxic situation.

A person can find someone attractive but not have romantic chemistry with them. It's immature to punish someone and take a tantrum and block them just because they turn down dating you. What you should have done was be mature and say something like, "I've enjoyed our friendship, but with my crush, staying friends with you is too hard for me, and won't be fair to my future gf, so we can't be in contact any longer." Then, you could part on good terms, and she could understand your point of view and accept the circumstances. There's a reason for the saying, "When one door closes, another opens." This is the time of your life you're surrounded by hundreds of single women in your age group. You'll kick yourself in later years when the pool is far smaller and you think back on how much time you wasted on the one woman who's just not that into you.

You didn't answer how he, during the good periods, treats you as the special person you are. Does he take good care of you when you're ill? Does he make your life easier in any way, such as doing the chores you especially dislike? Does he buy you thoughtful gifts? Does he compliment you? If you ask for a back or foot rub, does he do so happily? Is your sex life good? Do you enjoy your discussions with him? If none of these things, and he's just doing his part to provide shelter, perhaps you're too inexperienced in relationships to know this isn't an ideal way to live. He's the only guy you've ever been with. You didn't have the benefit of numerous dating experiences to know who was right for you and who isn't. Now you know that when the times get tough, that he thinks solely of himself and punishes you verbally and in his actions (staying out all night without informing you). His reasons for why he thinks you weren't a good partner during his stress with his father are ridiculous. It's like he's trying to create problems with you when likely the problem lies elsewhere. Is there a possibility he's having an affair? If it were me, I would not continue to be with someone who treated me like a nuisance when I was in dire straits, hospitalized. I would expect the same from him for the future, if I had to be hospitalized with cancer, a broken hip, etc. A good watershed moment to realize who your partner truly is. I can't even fathom why you'd want a kiss from him after being treated like this, but again, you've been used to him being around since your early teens, so he's all you know. Please know that if you choose to end this marriage, it's a chance to eventually find a more caring partner after mourning the end of an unsatisfactory marriage and healing. Don't consider what it will do to his family. You can still have a relationship with them, especially as his parents are the grandparents to your children. That happened to me when my first marriage ended, and I was still on good terms with my ex's family. And I'm an example that the next chapter of my life has been 100 percent happier. I eventually found a partner who is a million times better than the ex. Take care and keep us updated.