Andrina

Only attempt dating women whose words plus actions=the same interest you have in her. You're there for her as a fan and a listening ear. Don't be used liked that. When two people don't have the same relationship goals, it's time to move on.

Read back on all the beginning responses. In her mind, maybe she felt cornered or that you were pushy and couldn't take a hint (her fault for not being clear and saying no from the get-go). But also your fault as many of us women posters said that we would never let a golden opportunity pass us by if we were truly interested in a guy, and that she knew the ball was in her court and she never lobbed it back. Perhaps she thinks if she responds, since you keep putting in effort without any from her, that in giving you that inch, you'll take a mile. Just guessing as per what I've observed in life. I, too, am often disappointed by others behavior when I know how I'd act differently in the same situation. I hope you have better luck with the next lady you're interested in.

For your own good, please tell your friend you no longer want to hear news of the guy. The sooner his name is no longer mentioned, the quicker you'll get to the healing stage. Glad you will go no contact, and forever, as once you've crossed the friendship boundary, staying buddies will turn off a new dating prospect. A good learning lesson to make sure a guy meets ALL your dating goals from the very beginning. I've made plenty of dating/relationship mistakes as well. We're all human. Enjoy the upcoming holidays with loving friends and family.

I'd go. I'd just avoid being alone in his home or your hotel room. And I'd avoid making out if you two have chemistry sparks. I wouldn't do any of that until/if he starts making effort and going to your town, over a period of time if things go well. Not his first visit.

You think a person will magically change from someone who has the capability of doing this to you, into a mentally healthy, optimum partner? You really need to be single and save up money to pay for counseling. You've begun a pattern of choosing toxic men that will continue until you are in a mentally healthy headspace yourself. I'm speaking from a place of experience because I, too, was in a bad place mentally when I married my first husband who was toxic due to his depression. I wished I'd sought counseling at the time. I'm sure I would've made wiser life choices if that had happened. Listen to your gut. It's telling you you're unhappy for a reason, even as your brain tries to reason that he's stopped being bad.

So many people come on these forums saying that their toxic partner said this exact same phrase. What I've stated each time is that when a person comes with a warning label, it's best to walk away at that very point. As you can see, what he said was the absolute truth. I've never once said this to anyone because I know I'm the best partner I can be to my SO. When you get some distance away from him, you'll shake your head at why you stayed so long. 18 months is nothing over a lifetime. And people start over all the time, even divorcing after 20 years, 40 or more years, etc. Jerks might have moments of good behavior, but it's better to risk your heart on someone who's never been a jerk.

It's best that this friendship ends, as you will be driving away any dating prospects when they feel the dynamic between you and the friend. You have a crush on her, and most women aren't blind to seeing how you won't be a good dating prospect when you would've wanted romance with your friend if the friend had been willing. Many friendships end for many good reasons, and this is one of those times. If she eventually reaches out, I'd explain for your own good, you'll have to go no contact. This will free you emotionally to bond with dating prospects, and free up time to devote to finding a girlfriend.

If you live with him, move out and don't tell him where you are. This is all so toxic, you will shake your head at why you stayed so long when you get a needed distance. Make sure he's removed as a user on any of your accounts, if that's the case.

Never stay when the only way you'll be happy is if a major change happens. When you learned of his situation, what you should've said then, but can still now say is, "Let me know when you're divorced, and if I'm single, we can talk about dating." Because even if he set up a love nest for you two, when he's still married, all his assets go to his wife and kids. If he croaked, you will be without a place to live, being kicked out. You will not have the benefits many married couples possess, such as if I die first, my husband would still be receiving funds from my pension and retirement account. And then you say there is a big age gap. Have you ever thought of the cons of dating someone who is far older as time progresses? Just as many people have to do more tasks to take care of their elderly parents, add a partner to that mix if he's as old as your parents. Those words are coming out of his mouth and I'd venture to guess those are HIS thoughts. A younger hotter woman sounds foul and shows just what his ugly mindset is. A man who is a truly caring person would think about how he wants a second chance in life to meet a treasured partner, and would make financial sacrifices and legally free himself so that his partner's life would be the best if could be because of his wise decisions. You're grasping for straws that the breadcrumbs he throws you mean anything more than that he wants to boink, what he thinks of as, a young hottie .

In moving forward, think about how long you stayed past what should've been the expiration date. Waiting around way too long and hoping for change will be wasting a lot of your time after discussions haven't worked. Something to learn from in future dating. I know how the wrong partner can make you feel "less than" which is not true, because I've experienced the same. With the upcoming holidays, make sure to plan some enjoyable activities with your buddies to get through the most difficult part--the beginning--of your breakup. Keep your eye on the New Year looming on the horizon, full of new possibilities. Take care.

Yeah, not much more you can do, really, since talking hasn't worked to resolve anything. I'd just sit down with her when you're both mellow and say, "I can't live like this anymore. You say everything's fine with you. Well, it's not fine for me, so we have opposite views on what it means to be happy in a relationship." If you stay, you're settling. That's no way to live your one precious life, because there are no do-overs. Hard and frustrating to start over, but when you meet a lifetime keeper, you will thank yourself. You sound like a prize, so if anyone takes you for granted, it's time to exit.

Lots of great advice already given. When my friend's mother's death was imminent within months, I remember her nurse asking, "What is your biggest concern right now?" That was really a good question, and when the answer is given, you can, if at all possible, help with the hurdle/task. They sell things like stuffed animals with a recorder, where your mother could read some storybooks your child could listen to after your mother's passing. My mother asked for a Thanksgiving gathering with relatives flying in 8 months before she passed, and then she ordered the family photo on canvases for everyone as Christmas gifts. I'm glad you live nearby to give as much support as possible. Take care.

Get the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Each day, take turns reading a chapter aloud to one another. It'll be an eyeopener. Make sure you practice the skills learned in those pages. If you both care enough, you'll make the effort.

That is upsetting, when you invest years in someone, hoping for a happy lifetime together, and then everything falls apart. Can I ask what your life is like besides having a partner? Do you have guy friends? Do you have a hobby? What's your ideal of the amount of intimacy you'd like in a week's time? Have you ever been called a people pleaser? Did you and your partner have group friends or other couples you've hung out with? What did you two do together for outings? I'm just trying to see a bigger picture to give better advice. But yes, relationships are like a houseplant. If it's ignored, it will die. But no, it's not normal for couples who care enough for both to be happy.

I skimmed through after the beginning since you wrote a novel. You can see the pattern, that her sisters still live at home at ages they should've left and don't have partners. So your gf is showing she's not really a romantic partner with you, failing to be intimate during an entire year, and has not taken steps to move away from the family home. What you see is what you get. Don't ever stay when you will only be happy if things CHANGE in a major way. The knowledge of the present is fact. To risk your heart on an iffy, hopeful future is foolhardy. I'd get out now before investing any more time into nowhere-land.

I've never had a roommate, but I know of two people who roomed with friends and they ended up becoming enemies. So many things you have to be on the same page about, which is more rare than common. When you answer what you want resolved, perhaps we can give better advice.

When we are not happy in the present, we sometimes look to the past to find it, but it's never there. It sounds like the feeling you're seeking, of being cared for, is encompassed in that showing by a caress of your cheek. Not necessarily the particular human, whom you spent a few hours with. In each of those dating experiences, you've learned more about yourself--what you seek in a relationship and what you reject. This all hasn't been a waste of time. Since it sounds like you now would like to be in a good relationship, maybe change up the ways you meet women. Join some Meetup.com groups. Do volunteer work. Take classes: dancing, cooking, painting, pottery. Join a co-ed sports team. You often have to date a boatload before finding the keeper. Good luck.

Two unethical people thinking they can build a beautiful fairytale romance on a bed of toxic fumes, and then they're shocked when it all blows up in their faces. It doesn't take a crystal ball to know that's your future, if she amped up her game with you. Too dumb. A bombshell when you're a single man and free to date anyone, and on top of that, she's mostly been ignoring you? This is really delusional and you're giving this a lot more weight than it warrants. The fact you felt great satisfaction when she mentioned the word jealous--a regular siren luring a desperate sailor to be smashed upon the rocks. Wow.

You've made yourself very clear to her. Speaking for myself, I'd feel cornered if you asked again. I believe she was being passive and hoping the lack of firm plans would never materialize and fade away. She knows she will regularly see you at events, so is trying to avoid awkwardness in plainly saying she's not interested. She's not shy. You've made it clear you're interested. She knows the ball is in her court, and she purposely avoided a coffee date by not accepting your request of informing you of an optimal date. Her behavior when seeing you was maybe her overcompensating for the difficulty of the whole situation. Instead of feeling like you've been left hanging, I'd take this as a solid "no." I'm sorry that this isn't working out as you wish. I, too, had a huge crush on someone and later on found out it was best I'd never gotten together with him, since he drank too much. That's something I wasn't aware of at the time. But fate had someone else great in store for me. Sometimes we have to have faith that things don't happen for good reason, and we find out later why. Take care.

I counted about four times of effort from your side, and zero on hers. Her being friendly to you, even with a hug, so socially common in these days, doesn't mean she shares your romantic interest. You've done enough. In your shoes, I'd keep the ball in her court. I doubt she's truly interested because I'm a woman, and I certainly wouldn't let these golden opportunities pass me by if I was into a guy. Try not to grasp for straws, and put yourself on ice while she's traveling, believing she'd date you if it weren't for this. I'd emotionally move on, and if she reaches out at some point, it will be a nice surprise and you could accept if you're still single. For now, I'd move on.

I'd say you have a good plan. Keep the effort similar to hers, and then have a personal timeline of when you'll walk away if this thing between you two never takes off like you'd like.

I imagine you would get opinions agreeing with your decision or disagreeing, but it's not like that will help you out now. What you should be paying attention to is that she didn't care to stick around because of this one issue of your opposite viewpoints. Couples will disagree about certain things throughout their relationship. There are healthy ways to do so. In her case, maybe it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Or maybe it was just bound to happen because LDRs have a high risk of failure because it's a very difficult way to be in a relationship. Too expensive. Too much time apart, and then too much time together when it's not the normal pace of dating. And some don't have an optimum timeframe to close the distance. I'm sorry you're hurting.

Yes, sometimes people fall into emotional affairs, and very often with a co-worker, when there is a lack of an emotional connection with their primary partner. Even if there is no physical cheating or flirting, the amount of time and emotional energy you're pouring into each other is not healthy for yourselves, and obviously, a betrayal of your spouse/partner. So either decide to divorce or to work on your marriage. In either case, it's best to be up front with the "work spouse." Such as: I've decided I'm going to work on building the relationship back with my spouse, and to do that, we'll have to go no contact and just be pleasant to each other at work--no more time spent together. Really, it should be the same if you're getting a divorce, because when you eventually want to date again and your co-worker is still married, you'll never properly be able to bond with a new love, plus, a new love will rarely be that dumb to not know you're too involved with a co-worker and make a quick exit from you. Good luck.

This activity will make the pool of women willing to date you smaller, just so you're aware. I wouldn't have dated my husband if he'd been in regular contact with his ex for chats that didn't pertain to their shared child.

At this point, I didn't have to read any further. The fact you didn't block him at that point is mindboggling. Please don't date again until you've worked on your self-worth and learned to identify huge red flags waving in your face. When you lack self-love, you attract and accept toxic people.