faraday
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Everything posted by faraday
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You shouldn't reach out to him because he broke up with you. Contacting him is a move of desperation. But you know breaking up was the right decision. You couldn't take a shower and talk to your son without him having meltdowns. You got in trouble for going out with same sex friends. Only tramps go bars (even to listen to music with friends). Make friends weren't allowed. You couldn't be yourself with him. Yet, he could go for dinner with several women at a time. So many reasons why you shouldn't be with him.
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I'm putting out positive vibes that your moms scan results are good.
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I am the same. I want someone else to come up with the plan (if they invite me out) and I don't care if we go for sushi or tacos when friends are picking places to meet up. I just don't care. People think I'm super happy and go with the flow...easy going. I'm not really, I am very specific about a lot of things...but usually just the aesthetics of things (because...artist). I don't think it's necessarily that you attract them more than the average person...but that you don't filter them out soon enough. I like men that plan dates. I like men that take care of things....and me. But the minute someone starts talking about jealousy or how they're uncomfortable with some aspect of my life...the faster I'm out of there. No thanks. I'm not here to deal with other people's issues...I work on my own and I expect others to as well. Food for thought. I rarely attract controlling men. It only happened once.
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That's how I've always rolled. I need to think someone is a jerkface to be able to get over them...otherwise, as time goes along my glasses become more and more rose tinted and I start to forget why we didn't work. I'm sorry that you're sad today reinvent. I hope you found something to take your mind off things.
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Wise words and very true. I think he'll be back as well. People with insecurities often end things to test you. To see if you'll fight for them...they want you to prove your love. If you don't contact them, they'll contact you...partly because they miss you...and partly because they want to manipulate you and see that you're missing them. I'd always find my ex on my doorstep 2-3 weeks after ever break up. It sucked. I hope that doesn't happen to you, it makes it super hard to stick to your guns...I took him back repeatedly (which I regret so much). Are you considering blocking him for a bit until you're on the other side? I'm glad you have gfs to talk with and have fun with. It sounds like a good group of friends...I hope you have an awesome day golfing, and as I always jokingly say to my dad, I hope you win
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I missed a bunch of posts by reinvent...and all I can say is...I agree 100% that people find fault in someone else with issues they are dealing with themselves. That's why dealing with insecure people is so hard...it's not about you at all...and there's nothing you can do to make them feel better...and they'll repeatedly gaslight you into thinking its your fault and your responsibility to fix it when it really can't be fixed. The guy I dated that was really insecure was that way because he cheated on his ex wife and multiple gfs in the past. So I always had to tell him where I was (and send pictures to prove it- w.t.h??) and I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone with a penis...even my daughters father, which strained our amicable relationship tremendously. Which annoyed me because he had tons of female friends, went to the bar all the time (and had all of the waitresses numbers in his phone)...it was beyond hypocritical. I fought so hard for him. Just like I think you did reinvent. And trust me, when you're over this, you'll look back and wonder why you stayed as long as you did. You'll be thankful he ended it. I hope you're feeling a bit better today. I'm throwing positive vibes your way.
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You know how in the beginning you had a strong immediate reaction about his insecure comments? That's when you get out. You don't try to work through it. You don't try to give them the benefit of the doubt. In early dating, when someone shows you who they are, you don't second guess it. So that's your lesson. It should be easy in the beginning. It's only going to get harder, so pick someone that's easy to be around (on all levels). And I'm sorry that you're hurting. This sucks. It sucks so much. Break ups always throw us off balance and drop our stomachs and leave us feeling...gutted. So I'm sorry that you're going through this. But you're right...better now than after marriage. One day at a time. And vent all you want...we've all been there...many times.
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You've learned things from this. And one day when you've let it go, and you are ready to move forward (I know, at this point it doesn't feel like dating will ever be desirable again)...you'll have better filters. Your bulls*%t meter will be more sensitive. You will walk away sooner, before you become emotionally invested. This dating thing...is a process. It has a huge learning curve. Most men are good. Most don't have tons of issues. Most are kind and loving and want the same things women want. Its just a filtering process. You deserve so much more. You will get through this. Don't let this taint your views on love or men...because there is real love out there. It's just not always easy to find.
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Idk what to say...because I was in a relationship like that...and I know how hard it is. I'm sorry that it ended like that and that it was so hard on both of you. All I can say is...it will get worse, and then it will get better...and then you'll meet someone else. One day at a time. You'll be okay. (((((Reinvent))))))
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That seems sudden. It seemed like you guys were figuring things out. I'm sorry reinvent
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Much needed time alone. Sculpting in a new medium. The feel of new paint brushes. The sun coming out after 3 days of rain.
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Reading your last post was like...a mirror of myself. Very unstable and chaotic teenage years...a little brother in crisis...we weren't sure if he'd make it. And now, able to look back on it in awe and be thankful for making it through without more internal damage....and being able to let things go enough to get to the point of being content. I will forgive, I will let go...but I doubt I'll forget.
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My in-laws just left...and I'm going to miss them. I'm glad they could stay for 9 days with us. I'm glad I got to know them better. I'm so thankful they have welcomed me with open arms and hearts. I cried when they left. I've never done that.
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Hahaha Why haven't they returned my file yet? No one ever does. Computers are complicated. Files are not like books
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I think people need to know themselves well and what they can handle...you see threads on here about a partners prior sexual encounters (that's stuff I don't want to know about my partner- just let me know that you're clean of stis).....or as an extreme, what about those people that get upset that their partner took them to a restaurant/vacation spot/bought a similar gift etc...that they did/bought with/for an ex? People need to take responsibly for the themselves...If a person is prone to jealousy or insecurity, they need to be able to say, "I don't want to know" when a partner references the past. And if you can handle it and want to know...you have to be okay with whatever they say...it can't be held over them if you asked. Don't ask questions if you don't really want to know the answer, right?
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I like to talk about past relationships too. Not in a "let's re-hash every single thing so I can compare myself to all of your exes" way that I see people do on here (when they get jealous and insecure about their partners past)...but as a tool for deeper insight, I guess. It's interesting to see past patterns....and it's interesting to see how they view their past. Do they take responsibility? Are they bitter? Are they respectful? Idk. I always find it fascinating.
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Your phone won't let you block him? It's one of my favourite features on mine...I block telemarketers, ex bfs, creepy guys I met for one date...my list is quite long at this point. I'm glad you were able footnote him. I didn't read your journal back then so I don't know the story of him...but I know even when you're over someone it can be quite jarring to see/hear from them unexpectedly.
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I have issues. Most of the people I've dated have issues. Jay totally has issues. And I'm not with the people who have had issues that conflict with mine and vice versa. I mean, the jealousy issue paired with the not wanting be be controlled issue...is just adding fuel to either fire. There are lots of issues that either of your issues wouldn't conflict with so heavily. That said, maybe you've got things to learn here. So, I will support you 100%. Go for it. Just don't date him thinking you'll never meet anyone better...because...that's not true for anyone. I adore Jay...but I totally think I could meet someone just as awesome if not better, if I was single and started dating again. Scarcity leads to settling. If you think S is amazing and incredible and perfect for you...then I think that's great and that you should continue to date him. If you think he's awesome but needs to change a few things for it to work with you...well...we all know how that turns out.
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I support you no matter what you do. I will say this though....Love shouldn't be hard in the beginning. This is supposed to be the funnest part of a relationship.
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IAG, I read your update a few hours after you posted it, and I've been trying to think about how to respond since then. I'm so sorry that the cancer has progressed to this stage. I do know what it feels like (initially my moms prognosis appeared similar) and it's completely gutting. I'm so sorry you have to go through this I don't know how much diet will help at this point. It can't get though. My mom has lost just under 40 pounds, so we haven't been focusing on getting vegetables into her so much as getting calories into her. Although we do purée veggies into sauces and blend fruits into her smoothies. For us the focus has been finding things she enjoys. Right now she loves pickles And rhubarb, which she always hated. I'm making her rhubarb cookies today. I'm also trying to source pot cookies/brownies/butter...to help stimulate her appetite. My mom is is dead set against pot asked me to find her cookies. What common sense things are you implementing? We go for walks and spend time outside...it's good for lifting her mood. Does your mom live with your dad/a partner? Who is providing care for her at this point, or who will be? ] Have you seen these cards? I love them.
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I'm so sorry (((((IAG))))). I totally get the being extra sensitive and having days of crying. It's hard to function. Where is her cancer? Have the doctors given her the treatment plan yet? I'm here for you...feel free to ask questions or pm me or whatever. Mom has been through surgery...and although she's only done 3 chemos, I feel like a friggen expert in side effects...and I have a ton of really helpful tips and advice from a friend that I can pass along to you. All I can say is...the crying eventually stops. The sensitivity is dulled a bit over time...but I don't think I'll become myself again until this is over. It's mentally exhausting. I'm putting out positive vibes for your mom, and you're in my thoughts. (((((IAG))))))
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((((((reinvent))))))) It's never easy...especially when you like someone and enjoy their company We're here when you want to talk.
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How did it go reinvent? Did it go better in person?
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What was so important that he needed to get a hold of you right that minute? I can totally dig if someone calls me on repeat if...they're at the store picking up something for me and need clarification (Jay has done this over salted/unsalted butter before)...or medical emergencies...or anything time sensitive (I've done this to Jay when he hasn't given me an eta and I'm making something (like steak) that can't be over cooked). If he was calling and texting just because he didn't like that he couldn't get a hold of you...that would make me want to run too.
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The being happy, and not tired or stressed front is hard. I do that with my mom too- I don't want her to feel bad about being sick...and it means I'm tired, and grumpy, and stressed at home. It's hard. It's draining. Jay and have been fighting...we never fight. I think I'm super emotional and spilling over, and he doesn't get it, and doesn't know what to do with it because I'm being so abnormal. Hopefully our moms both have some good days and we can not be fake for a while so we can relax a bit.