faraday
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Everything posted by faraday
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Like I don't get it. You know that not listening to your gut in the beginning is an issue for you...the issues you see in the beginning turn up later in the relationship as dealbreakers...yet...you're debating this? It should be easy in the beginning!
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He doesn't ask questions about you. Who cares whether he likes you? Find someone that's interested in learning about you, not just having a date a few times a week.
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" In a box not a bottle" Asperger's revealed
faraday replied to Seraphim 's topic in Journals's Journals
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" In a box not a bottle" Asperger's revealed
faraday replied to Seraphim 's topic in Journals's Journals
When people don't understand something they fear it. It's why we fear death, why we fear break ups, why we fear...so many things. It wasn't that long ago that people that didn't act exactly the same as everyone else were locked up. The general public didn't have exposure to anyone on the spectrum. Healers would claim to cure these "ailments" by exorcism. When I was 12, I was told my ADHD was the devil inside me. This might be why I'm atheist now actually lol. I know you're not, and I respect that but there are some friggen loonies in religions that really kill it for others. As we learn more about the spectrum, as we learn that it's science and not folklore (and something scary), we will become not just tolerant but embracing. It will take time. -
It takes dating a lot of people to find the right by one. I met on average 15 for every guy that I ended up going on a second or third dates with. I've had around 10 relationships (lasting 6 months or more) and a ton of 2-3 month relationships...before I met Jay. So...I think it will always seem like there's a lot of break ups...because there are. You have to find compatibility...and someone who you think you can have that with for a lifetime. It's not easy. People break up. But they break up so they can find the right person...not because there's a full moon or something is in the water.
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And that's an awesome metaphor, Mrs Darcy. It gives it different context quite well.
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That was exactly what I was trying to suggest...and yes, in the gentlest way possible.
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Do you think that when you're rebounding your choices in men will be the same as when you're healed and in a healthy place?
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So if the timing is off, why are you dating?
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Idk...I don't think you should need to express things this early in courtship. It should be easy. I mean, you could ask. You could say, "on Fridays and Saturdays do you turn into a pumpkin?" Or whatever. Because that would seem odd to me too. But I think...you don't seem excited about him....you don't talk about him the way you did with S...and idk, maybe that's a good thing? But to me...it wouldn't be. I want to be mutually enthusiastic and for things to things to be progressing at a consistent (but slow) pace. It seems like those things are lacking? Unless you're reserving your enthusiasm to only when you're with him and he's enthusiastic but has a secret child he takes every weekend so that's why he can't make fri/sat dates (or maybe some other equally crazy, consuming reason). But to me, it just seems like not enough enthusiasm all around.
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I don't know what feedback to give because you both seem ambivalent. To me, I'm like, why bother? But I guess it's good because you can be logical about it..but I also think you run the risk of becoming attached to him just because you're spending time with him...like fondness by proximity. Does that make sense? It seems like he's not open, and neither are you (I mean...do you feel ready for a relationship? It doesn't seem like it but I'm not you so idk)....so for me, I don't understand the point in dating just for something to do. I guess the question is...are you happy?
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It takes a while to stop missing them. Just keep reminding yourself why he's a "no." One day reinvent, you're going to look back on this and be so thankful that you got out.
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I cried last night when I read this. I couldn't respond right away, it's too close. I'm sorry that she went undiagnosed for all those years...and I'm so sorry for her loss. It happened similar to my grandfather...he found out he had brain cancer and 6 weeks later he was gone. He had enough of a chance to say goodbye to everyone, and thankfully he didn't endure months of chemo...but at 6 weeks, it's still a shock. You're still not used to the idea of cancer, let alone accepting of death. I'm so sorry Realitynut. Damnit I'm crying again. F cancer. F cancer so much.
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You made the right decision. I'm glad that you stayed home and took time to recover. It's important.
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I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, I didn't know. Big hugs to you, you're in my thoughts.
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I guess people could feel sorry for you (general you, being everyone that is single) and say things like, "God, I'm so glad I'm not single anymore. I don't know how you do it. How is life even worth living after x years of being single?" Or "maybe you're single because there's something wrong with you. Have you thought about therapy and antidepressants? Maybe you should get a cat." I mean...how is someone supposed to respond? What would you like someone to say when you say something referencing being single? Are only other single people allowed to comment and people in relationships should just keep quiet?
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(((((IAG)))))) I know the feeling well. I hope you feel better soon.
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About 85% of my friends parents are still married...and seem quite happy. That's 35-40 years of marriage on average. It gives me hope.
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I would love to see photos of the building site! Imagine that, finding history in the walls...that's so fun I wonder what else you'll find in the coming years and renovations? Very exciting I wish we could have bought an old home like that. There just aren't many here- our city wasn't established until...late 1800s, and most of the houses back then were tiny two bedroom shacks. The really nice ones (the ones that were owned by extremely wealthy families) are now in our Heritage Park...they've been restored and are kept like museums. I would love one of those houses
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Happy Anniversary And yeah, when you're working on projects, it's hard to get glammed up. I have make-up less, hair in a messy ponytail days too....where I'm in baggy yoga pants and thread-worn t-shirts that are splattered in paint...it seems more often than not. I wear them gardening, painting, or pouring cement. Right now I still have paint stained hands from yesterday...I need to take a bath My husband likes me the most when I'm mid-project, paint streaks on my cheeks and plaster dust in my hair....he says its when I'm the most me...no one else sees me like that- I always put in make-up and get dressed for company. So just go with it I'm glad he didn't forget (sometimes they do that...or don't know what to do when do remember, so they do nothing) and that his words warmed you
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The picture isn't showing up, but it sounds really lovely. You paint a wonderful picture with your words Do you have a smart phone? You can post pictures directly from your phone onto the forum with an app (tapatalk). If not, I'll use my imagination- it sounds lovely
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Hope your feeling a bit better today. I think that anytime we can't set boundaries without fear of the other person bailing, it's probably good to let them bail. I hope that's something your therapist said to you...because walking on eggshells like that...well, it's not the sign of a healthy relationship.
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Thanks for stopping by and visiting my journal Your place sounds more like my dream place I love older homes, ones with history. My dream home isn't MY dream home, but OUR dream home. My husband likes new builds...I hate them. Our place was built 30 years ago. It's our compromise. It was the newest I would go. The older homes in our budget (because it works its way out from the centre here- older homes closer to downtown, getting progressively newer as you go out to the 'burbs) were built in 1950's...and while I love mid century modern homes sooo much (seriously) the ones in our budget didn't have the amenities we wanted. Small floor plans, no master bath, no garages...and they were at the top of the budget already, so We compromised and found a 1990 estate home. Has fancy wood moulding around all the windows and doors, a curved wood staircase, a large lot with tons of trees and a pergola with vines covering it. It's a beautiful place. It's just..dated. So over the last 8 months, I've painted the entire interior top to bottom...I'm currently working on painting the exterior. I've refinished cabinets, replaced bathroom mirrors and fixtures...updated all of the hardware. I want to paint the kitchen cabinets but jay wants to keep them as they are It didn't have any gardens so I've spent days digging out huge flower beds where I've planted perennial flowers and grasses. What is your next project? (Or what are you working on right now?) if you need any advice on how-to, I'm here for you. I love this DIY stuff. I think in about a year I will be done with this place...and I could spend my life flipping houses like this...husband, not so much lol.
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Congrats on the house and the new job Very exciting. We bought our dream house back in September too- in my journal I've been posting different projects I've been doing since we moved in. I'd love to see your projects
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