3 months, still being stalked by his new gf

Some background:

My ex and I had a fairytale relationship. We were only together 8 months, and then he went to college. He had zero doubts about us even until the day I dropped him off. Then about 4 days later, he tells me he's scared. He doesn't know how to handle me not being there with him while he's surrounded by college couples. I was his first serious girlfriend, we were head over heels in love and I never saw this coming. He said he was afraid of us breaking up one day down the road and him regretting not dating other girls in college. He had not been talking to anyone new at the time. He was also stressed because he was beginning to realize he hated the school he chose and the people there are not the smartest (he is brilliant and ambitious). He reassured me many times that his feelings for me had not changed, he said he still loved me and saw a potential future with me but couldn't handle a relationship at the time. We stayed in touch for a few weeks but it became too hard wondering what he was up to, if he was missing me etc. And only a couple of weeks later, I found out he was in an exclusive relationship with a new girl. Out of nowhere he blocked me on everything. When I confronted him, he said it was because he didn't want me seeing pictures of them and getting hurt. This resulted in an argument, we haven't talked in two months now and they've been together for almost three.

In the beginning, his new gf would copy anything I posted on social media. If I posted a selfie, she posted one immediately after. If I posted a beach picture, she posted one right after. I even posted a picture of the TD Garden after going to a game and she did the same. I stopped checking her social media so I assumed she was done being insecure and immature by now. However, yesterday I posted a cute screenshot of my guy best friend's text saying he missed his ex and still loved her but their timing was off. She must have thought it was about my ex, because minutes later my best friend (who still follows the new gf) texted me that immediately after, saying she posted a screenshot of a text conversation between her and a friend saying how happy my ex makes her and how she never wants to let go. At first I was mad, but then I got kind of a kick out of it that it has been three months and she STILL checks my social media every single day. What do you think? To me it was kind of refreshing because I had built her up in my head to be this dream girl, but she is clearly insecure and also seems very clingy. They've only been together barely 3 months and she posts pictures of them almost every single day and he is her profile picture on every account. Other than that one picture he posted on his instagram when he first blocked me, he hasn't posted a single thing with her. By now in our relationship I was in his profile pictures and he had made at least 3 posts about me. He also always posted me on snapchat when we were together which according to mutual friends he never does with her. I also noticed despite all of the pictures she posts, he never looks as happy as he did with me and never looks at her the way he looked at me. It just hurts me because he threw away a beautiful, mature and non-clingy relationship for this. He always used to thank me for not being that girl who felt the need to blast our relationship on social media and he told me he loved how we had our own separate lives outside of the relationship, it was healthy. She appears to be the opposite of all of this. A week ago, spotify notified me that he made a playlist last week full of songs about missing exes and wanting to go back and being jealous of their new partners. (I opened the app for the first time in a long time and forgot I had followed him while we were together). Based on the facts, what are your opinions on their relationship/her? I've been told she could be a rebound or he could just be afraid of being alone so he is settling for someone who is right there.

NOTE: please please refrain from telling me to "stop looking at their social media," the only reason I checked was because of what my friend texted me. Also, all of my accounts are private and she has been blocked except for the main one that she copies most (VSCO) because blocking people doesn't prevent them from seeing your profile, only from interacting with your content. It is also not possible to have a private profile. Also please refrain from telling me whether she is crazy or not is none of my business now and I need to move on, these are all things I know and have been working on. I'm just looking for opinions of his new girlfriend and relationship. Thank you!

You'll feel better when you block/delete both of them and stop competing. It will help you move on and date new guys.

If you already know all of this, then why ask?

If you are annoyed that she's focusing on you, well, you're doing the same thing, aren't you? Minus the social media posts (of course, except the one where you mentioned missing your ex, and yes, it may have been a repost but the message was the same).

You're wasting time focusing on them when it's totally counterproductive.

I can only presume you're hoping he ditches her and comes back to you. Will it happen? Who knows, but I find it's helpful to deal with things as they are rather than what they might be in the future.

They have been blocked and deleted except for the one account where it isn't possible to prevent her from seeing my posts because it's not possible to have a private profile. I blocked her but it only prevents her from interacting with my content (liking, reposting etc.) It hasn't been a competition for me, I've been minding my own business and hadn't looked at her profile since I got that message from my friend. Again I appreciate the feedback but I'm not looking for "move on" responses, actual feedback/opinions related to the information given are what would help me most. I know I need to move on and I am working on it.

If you already know all of this, then why ask?

 

If you are annoyed that she's focusing on you, well, you're doing the same thing, aren't you? Minus the social media posts (of course, except the one where you mentioned missing your ex, and yes, it may have been a repost but the message was the same).

 

You're wasting time focusing on them when it's totally counterproductive.

 

I can only presume you're hoping he ditches her and comes back to you. Will it happen? Who knows, but I find it's helpful to deal with things as they are rather than what they might be in the future.

Thank you for your response, yes a small part of me I guess is hoping that he will see she is everything he said turned him off in a girl compared to the relationship we had. That's why seeing her immaturity through these actions bothers me so much. It's not so much that she is copying me (if she wants to be insecure I'll let her. Not my problem.) or that she is trying to compete, it's that I'm seeing her act this way and wondering why he would leave what we had for this level of pettiness, clinginess, obsession and immaturity. So yeah a small part of me still hopes he'll see the light, but I'm not sitting and waiting to find out.

Well, my ex always said he hated tattoos on women, he didn't like blondes, he liked women with curvy breasts and hips...and the one he cheated on me with and then ditched me for is a tattooed blond with a very boyish figure.

My ex said all that to throw me off and to get me to think I was his ideal, but he was just placating me.

Your ex apparently likes her or he wouldn't stay. So instead of wondering why, realize HE isn't right for YOU. And then you can be available for a guy who thinks you're the best thing that has ever happened to him.

Looking in the rear view mirror is very dangerous and only causes accidents.

Well, my ex always said he hated tattoos on women, he didn't like blondes, he liked women with curvy breasts and hips...and the one he cheated on me with and then ditched me for is a tattooed blond with a very boyish figure.

 

My ex said all that to throw me off and to get me to think I was his ideal, but he was just placating me.

 

Your ex apparently likes her or he wouldn't stay. So instead of wondering why, realize HE isn't right for YOU. And then you can be available for a guy who thinks you're the best thing that has ever happened to him.

 

Looking in the rear view mirror is very dangerous and only causes accidents.

I guess it's been so hard for me to move on because of how many times he told me he still loved me, saw a future with me maybe down the road, and the way he cried in my arms multiple times when we talked in person and almost went back on his decision twice. All of this went on for about a month until he found someone who could be right there with him so I had hope for so long that he was going to come back and realize we could make it work. I also had so many people trying to make me feel better by telling me "she's just a rebound" or "it won't last" or "he'll wake up six months from now and realize what he lost." So I had convinced myself he would come back and I just needed to wait it out. Anyways, the past few weeks reality hit me and I had been moving on until these new "clues" that I found yesterday. I know him VERY well and he broke up with his girlfriend before me because she had become too clingy and jealous, so he is not attracted to that. But who knows, maybe it gives him an ego boost now.

Yeah, I thought I knew my ex "very well" too, but I was wrong.

My ex has been with this woman for 8 years. Twice as long as we were together.

So no, just because he said things in the past doesn't mean he feels them now. You can't waste your life living in the past, clinging to things he said while you two were together or before he got together with his current girlfriend.

It seems to me like a really sad way to live, waiting indefinitely for someone to come back to you. How long are you going to put your life on hold waiting for someone who may never come back?

PS: Side note, one of my friends has been waiting since 1995 for her ex to "come back". It's one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

Yeah, I thought I knew my ex "very well" too, but I was wrong.

 

My ex has been with this woman for 8 years. Twice as long as we were together.

 

So no, just because he said things in the past doesn't mean he feels them now. You can't waste your life living in the past, clinging to things he said while you two were together or before he got together with his current girlfriend.

 

It seems to me like a really sad way to live, waiting indefinitely for someone to come back to you. How long are you going to put your life on hold waiting for someone who may never come back?

 

PS: Side note, one of my friends has been waiting since 1995 for her ex to "come back". It's one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

Yeah, it sucks. Part of it is also that I go to a very small school so there are no "new options" for people to date and no one that interests me. I feel like once I leave this school (in May) and find new people, specifically guys, to meet I will be able to move on much faster. Instead I am stuck in a place full of reminders of him and people who don't interest me. But for him I am out of sight out of mind and he is in this new world full of new people and distractions.

I also had hope for so long because I had little signs even after we stopped talking, like him unblocking me a couple weeks ago on all social media, the fact that he never posts about her like he did with me or show her off or even look at her the same way in photos, and most recently the playlist he made about life being sh*t and being hurt and missing exes and wanting to go back. And the fact that she is still this insecure makes me wonder if she's jealous for a reason. Or clearly their relationship isn't as amazing as she is trying to show because if it was she wouldn't feel the need to try and compete with me or rub things in my face three months later.

All you need to know is he broke up with you so he can date different women. And that's not that strange for a high school relationship to be left behind. Are you still in high school?

Don't focus on him and her, if she wasn't in the picture, he still wouldn't want to stay in the same relationship forever because he isn't ready for all that. He's in exploration mode. Again, fine and healthy for a young man. He's not exploiting nor lying to women, he's just dating.

You have to decide how long you want to remain attached to someone who is in a relationship with someone else.

You can be like my friend who has been waiting for 22 years for her ex to come back...or you can decide that enough is enough, you're tired of comparing yourself and your relationship with him to her and theirs, you can decide that a guy who left you behind to "explore" isn't the wonderful prince you insist on believing he is, and that your "fairy tale" shouldn't include a guy who leaves you.

I mean, aren't you getting tired of living this way?

NOTE: please please refrain from telling me to "stop looking at their social media," the only reason I checked was because of what my friend texted me. Also, all of my accounts are private and she has been blocked except for the main one that she copies most (VSCO) because blocking people doesn't prevent them from seeing your profile, only from interacting with your content. It is also not possible to have a private profile. Also please refrain from telling me whether she is crazy or not is none of my business now and I need to move on, these are all things I know and have been working on. I'm just looking for opinions of his new girlfriend and relationship. Thank you!

Darn it. . I read this far and that's all I got.

I can't read her mind and honestly you shouldn't care either.

Further down you mention how you are struggling moving on.

Blocking the both of them is surest, fastest way to move forward.

Trying to read the tea leaves behind someone elses random actions keeps you hooked.

All you need to know is he broke up with you so he can date different women. And that's not that strange for a high school relationship to be left behind. Are you still in high school?

 

Don't focus on him and her, if she wasn't in the picture, he still wouldn't want to stay in the same relationship forever because he isn't ready for all that. He's in exploration mode. Again, fine and healthy for a young man. He's not exploiting nor lying to women, he's just dating.

yeah I'm still in high school which is a huge part of why I've been so stuck on this. I try to remind myself that he said he wanted to date other women, so to assume that he's suddenly head over heels and met his soulmate in the first girl who came along after me is ridiculous but I can't help thinking of the worst case scenario. I think it hurt so much because it was so sudden, no one saw it coming not even him. On top of the fact that he didn't even try to make it work, he gave up after four days of missing me and being afraid and I never would have done that to him I would have at least given it time before leaving for something easier.

Yup, all those college girls around? He's in kid in a candy store mode. Try to start dating local guys in your school, you'll be much happier.

All you need to know is he broke up with you so he can date different women.He's in exploration mode. He's not exploiting nor lying to women, he's just dating.

You can be like my friend who has been waiting for 22 years

Wow. How is that even possible?

Yup, all those college girls around? He's in kid in a candy store mode. Try to start dating local guys in your school, you'll be much happier.

That's what I figured. Can I ask, based on what I've given what do you think about her as a person/their new relationship? I know it shouldn't matter because it's none of my concern, but I don't see it lasting if she's as insecure and jealous as she appears to be. Even if he doesn't come back to me I know I'll be fine but it would suck if he found a long term and amazing loving relationship in the girl he replaced me with in less than two weeks. People I've asked reassure me that if he wasn't ready for a commitment to me despite how much he loves me, and he TOLD me he wanted to experience other people, there's no way he's already ready to settle down with this girl. Again, my brain just thinks of worst case scenarios (I have anxiety) but he definitely still has a LOT of growing up to do. He had never seen the real world before as he grew up going to small provatw schools in a small town with a wealthy family.

Again, just because he told you in the past he doesn't like that kind of behavior doesn't mean he really meant it. He told you that because, at that time, he wanted to reassure you he wanted YOU. Now he wants something different.

I get it...you want us to tell you the relationship won't last and that he'll come back to you soon. But, like I wrote before, my ex has been with the type of woman he said he didn't want for EIGHT years and counting.

So, push what he said in the past out of your mind because he thinks and feels differently, at least for now.

Block her profile so you can't see her. If you are in high school, enjoy your last semester and prom. You will meet someone more suited to you - just wait and see

Block her profile so you can't see her. If you are in high school, enjoy your last semester and prom. You will meet someone more suited to you - just wait and see

yeah I'm trying to, it's been hard because I keep hoping he'll come back once he sees this psycho/obsessive and insecure side of her so I feel stuck between wanting to move on and if he comes back it's a happy surprise, or being stuck. I do want to move on, but then I think about the little clues I've seen or have been pointed out to me by other people that indicate things aren't going quite so well for him and it gives me hope all over again.

Don't feel stuck. If he thought she was "psycho" and wanted to get back with you, you would know from him, not what your friends are telling you which sounds like what you want to hear.

I feel stuck between wanting to move on and if he comes back it's a happy surprise, or being stuck. I do want to move on, but then I think about the little clues I've seen or have been pointed out to me by other people that indicate things aren't going quite so well for him and it gives me hope all over again.

Don't feel stuck. If he thought she was "psycho" and wanted to get back with you, you would know from him, not what your friends are telling you which sounds like what you want to hear.

I know, I think that's part of why I havent moved on. Because for at least a month after we broke up I was still getting mixed signals from him when he just started talking to his new girlfriend, telling me he missed me and still loved me but was so lost and confused as to what he wanted to do with many things in his life including his college choice that he was regretting. The words that stuck with me are "If I'm going to be with you again, I want it to be for the long term. And given I don't know what life holds for me in the short term right now I just don't think it would be fair to you, I'm afraid of hurting you again if we got back together." This is what gave me so much hope. And everyone telling me he'll come back once he realizes what we had, and that he'll regret his decision, and that it won't last with his new gf because he didn't give himself time to heal from our breakup. All of these things gave me hope on top of the little clues recently but I need and want to let go, I just can't seem to stop looking for any sign that he's coming back or isn't as happy with her. It doesn't help that I literally convince myself that he already loves this girl way more than he ever loved me and he hates me now and he's going to last for years with her, basically any worst case scenario I can torture myself with.

"Everyone" is not him.

It matters not one bit what your good friends insist is the truth, because unless they are directly asking him and giving you word for word answers from his mouth, they really don't know what he's thinking and feeling.

I get it, your friends probably have seen you cry and want to make you feel better, but this false hope is doing nothing but keeping you attached to a guy who has someone else as his girlfriend.

I know you read my previous comment, where a friend of mine is still waiting 22 years later for her ex to come back because when they were a couple he said he would marry her. She insists he has to keep that promise and she will stay put until he fulfills it. I'm pretty sure you won't go to the extreme she has because you're young and the world is before you, but she's been institutionalized, put on medication and is on disability because her delusions have destroyed her mind.

And your ex does not "hate" you! That's another thing you've made up in your mind. He's just decided he wants to be with someone else. That doesn't make you bad, unlovable, a reject, a loser or any other awful name you can call yourself. It just means that, at age 17 or 18, you haven't yet met the man who is going to be your future. And that's actually pretty normal and just fine, believe it or not.

 

And your ex does not "hate" you! That's another thing you've made up in your mind. He's just decided he wants to be with someone else. That doesn't make you bad, unlovable, a reject, a loser or any other awful name you can call yourself.

Thank you for your responses, I guess I've built it up in my head that he hates me now because he hasn't cared enough to see if I'm alright. I also feel like I could have handled the breakup better instead of begging for him to stay for so long and reacting when I found out he was already with someone, it probably pushed him away more.