My boyfriend added his ex on Facebook...

Hello, everyone. I'm in a situation where I don't know what I should do.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a little over a year, and the first thing we agreed on was no talking to exes. He thought that I meant no "conversations," and talked to them anyway. We had more arguments over the span of our relationship about it, but now, I found out that he added her on Facebook and other social media... and one of them he did not even tell me about.

I'm kind of angry, and I would like to confront him. But we've had this argument so many times already. I don't think he respects me or something. He says that he will always care for his exes and stuff, and I think that would be a dealbreaker for me.

What should I do? Give him a last chance, or what?

Ugh.. the dreaded Ex's

Yeah, I had an Ex who did that too. I didn't understand WHY!?

He did admit to meeting up with her for coffee now n then. Nothing I could do about that, really.

Our choice is... do we accept it or.. remove ourself from this?

Some seem to want to 'hold on' to their past.. but I don't want that. ( a fear of totally losing them?).

I never did agree with it.. and ended up after 4+ yrs with him, did I realize he was lying to me and cheated.. not sure if it was with his ex.. but he did with other's.

NOT wanting to scare you.. but in 'reality'. WHY do they do this? Not sure... other than what I explained. Fear of losing them totally= insecure.

I will answer your question with a question. What is acceptable to you? Is your boyfriend talking to his exs and refusing to respect you not acceptable? Yes? Then you know what you have to do. I had a boyfriend like that.. I tried and I tried to be ok with what he was doing, but I just wasnt, yet I stayed because I was desperate and scared of being alone. I dont do that anymore, and I have found a man who not only wants NOTHING to do with his exs, he loves me with his whole heart. You have no idea how good it feels to be treated like the only one who matters, after being made feel like you are just an option for so long. Do yourself a favour, if he is going to disrespect you and treat you like an option, make the choice to go find better for yourself.

Leave social media out of it.

You are not trusting him, and he is not compromising with you. This is already very unhealthy and will only get worse. If you are paying close enough attention to things like fb and other 'social media' forums (I'm guessing instagram? twitter?) then you are already on the look out and this is a quick dive into checking his texts.

Something's clearly off here.

Clearly this guy isn't for you. If your BF can't live with the first thing you two agreed on, then you need to consider for a moment how well any other agreements might work--my guess is, not well. Ultimately, the issue isn't social media, and it isn't really about the exes either. It's about you two supposedly having your first relationship agreement being no contact with exes and him not being able to follow through on your first alleged area of agreement. Time to find a guy who means what he says.

Social Media is a pain in the ass when it comes to exes. They keep popping up out of nowhere, but ultimately you have to ask "Do I trust him?" If you trust him completely then there's nothing really wrong with him keeping in touch with exes. You have to decide if it's a deal breaker.

Ugh.. the dreaded Ex's

 

Yeah, I had an Ex who did that too. I didn't understand WHY!?

He did admit to meeting up with her for coffee now n then. Nothing I could do about that, really.Our choice is... do we accept it or.. remove ourself from this?

 

Some seem to want to 'hold on' to their past.. but I don't want that. ( a fear of totally losing them?).

 

I never did agree with it.. and ended up after 4+ yrs with him, did I realize he was lying to me and cheated.. not sure if it was with his ex.. but he did with other's.

NOT wanting to scare you.. but in 'reality'. WHY do they do this? Not sure... other than what I explained. Fear of losing them totally= insecure.

To the bolded I disagree that you can't do anything about it. Obviously you can't force him not to go to coffee with his ex but you can discuss your boundaries with him of what you expect when you're in a relationship and if you are uncomfortable with him meeting up with his ex alone then I think he should respect that and not continue to do that. Your feelings should come first now that you are his gf. I would also find it very sketchy if he was meeting up alone with his ex for coffee dates and not inviting you to come if you are available. Like why does he have to be alone with her?