Gossip - Consequences, Eternity and Other Scary Stuff

Excerpted from
Gossip: Ten Pathways to Eliminate It from Your Life and Transform Your Soul
By Lori Palatnik

All right, brace yourself; here comes the really scary stuff. In chapter 2, we discussed the concepts of body and soul. We shared the idea that your soul is eternal and your body temporary. There is another world after this one, and the choices we make here make a difference to what happens there. (For more details see my book, Remember My Soul.)

However, certain actions can wipe out your eternity. One of them, arrogance, is discussed in chapter 11. In the Mishnah Torah, the great sage Maimonides says that an arrogant person has no place in Heaven. Arrogant people are so filled with themselves that there is no room for anyone else, and certainly no room for God. People who are masters of arrogance think that they are God.

Even more appropriate to what we have been discussing, the Mishnah Torah says that one who not only speaks badly about others occasionally but also lives and breathes it, that person has no share in the World to Come.

How appropriate! A person spends his or her whole life speaking badly of others, separating people from one another, and then God separates them from the rest of humanity for eternity.

Ready for another one?

It says in Kabbalah that before you are born God assigns you a certain amount of words. Once you use them up, your life is over.

Be not rash with your mouth, and let not your heart be hasty to utter a word before God; for God is in heaven and you are on Earth, so let your words be few. For a dream comes from concern, and foolish talk from many words. - Ecclesiastes 5:1

So use your words wisely. Don't waste your allotment on being petty, vicious, judgmental and critical. Don't use those precious words to speak about other people's business, to gossip or to bring strife. "Say little, and do a lot."

Every word is a gift Open each one up and use it for good. Share words of encouragement, love, praise, depth and wisdom.

It's your choice. Choose life.

Why Do We Gossip?

Evil speech can destroy friendships, break up marriages, and completely ruin businesses, neighborhoods, clubs, organizations, children, schools, religious institutions, boards, communities, partnerships, political parties-the list goes on and on. So why on Earth do we do it?

If you consider the reasons behind evil speech, you quickly realize that its source lies in very unhealthy rationalizations, which include the following:

1. If I put others down, somehow I will feel "up. "The worse I paint the lives of others, the more my life looks better. (Why do you think people watch soap operas? There is a psychological payoff to seeing people with messed-up lives. Somehow it gives us the illusion that our own lives aren't so bad.)

2. When I gossip I am popular, and I get everyone's attention. All eyes are on me and now I feel like a "somebody" (but at someone else's expense). (You may feel popular at the moment, but you are certainly not the person who others will come to trust and respect)

3. Life is boring-gossip makes it more interesting. (Pretty sad if destroying other lives is how we overcome our own emptiness and make our lives more interesting.)

4. What else is there to talk about? (How about how we can help others, the meaning of life or ten ways to have a more loving marriage-among a thousand other positive topics?)

5. Because it is accepted. In fact, not only is it accepted, it is encouraged. Some journalists even fight hard to work up to the title of "gossip columnist." Certain television talk shows invite guests on weekly who are "gossip experts." (This may be the most nonsensical title of all. What an awful area in which to be considered an expert)

If you do a search on the Internet for the word "gossip," as I did recently using the Google search engine, in ten seconds you will find links to approximately 1,520,000 sites.

You might ask, "But Rebbetzin Lori and Bob, no matter how hard I try to stop gossip even in my own little world, how can I be assured I will ever succeed?" Great question, and the answer will help you rest easily, while doing your part. As the wise Rabbi Tarfon said, "It is not your duty to finish the work, but you are not at liberty to neglect it."9 In other words, do your best; it is up to God to see the mission completed in His time frame.

The reasons people speak destructively constitutes a long list, but clearly these reasons derive from a very bad place, a place of insecurity, self-absorption, pettiness, and further feelings of inadequacy.

A psychologist I know once pointed out that speaking badly about people is a form of projection. What you don't like about yourself, you tend to point out in others. Be aware of this, and soon what you personally need to work on will become clear.

In ending this section, I leave you with a quote from a noted scholar, Mrs. Tzipporah Heller, who says this: "There is no cheaper high for self-importance addicts than trivializing and belittling others. It gives such people the feeling of superiority without any need to actually be superior."