Converting to Judaism

Excerpted from
Converting to Judaism: Choosing to Be Chosen : Personal Stories
By Rabbi Bernice Weiss

It's by chance, they say, that they meet and fall in love. They simply don't think about religion. It's not really surprising, then, that more than half of marriages involving American Jews today are inter-marriages. The taboos against religious interdating and intermarriage, for many Jews and non-Jews alike, have largely fallen away. Very often Jewish parents tell me that whether they approve of it or not, they expect their children will marry non-Jews. At the same time, I have had non-Jewish students tell me that it is even "in" to marry Jews. The notion that Jewish men and women make good husbands and wives, that they are good family people, still persists.

Often young Jews who know little about their heritage don't recognize its importance to them until they are confronted with the prospect of marrying a non-Jew. Sometimes those who lacked a Jewish upbringing altogether miss it the most. All of a sudden, they want their children to be Jewish and to live Jewish lives, so they encourage their non-Jewish mates to investigate Judaism.

As a rabbi and teacher, I have taught hundreds of non-Jewish students over the past six years, both in the classroom and in private lessons in the Washington Institute for Conversion and Study of Judaism. When they come to see me, almost all are engaged or married to Jews. A few others have some kind of connection to the Jewish people. (It might be a grandparent or distant relative of Jewish descent.) Generally, these soon-to-be converts-also known as Jews by Choice-are inquisitive, curious individuals who pursue a new way of answering the questions: Who am I? What is the meaning of my life? They are seeking rootedness, warmth and a sense of belonging to a larger family, a community, a people.

At first someone coming into Judaism may feel lost and confused, looking at Judaism from the outside like a child staring at the glittering display window of a toy store. Judaism's four branches-Orthodox, Conservative, Reform and Reconstructionist-offer a variety of avenues of observance, some more readily adaptable than others. The student of Judaism desperately wishes to join an environment that is safe and inviting, and to be welcomed and embraced.

It is my task as their teacher to expose my students to Judaism, but I am unable to give anyone faith. They find faith for themselves. It is a process that defies measurement. Some people need more time, others less. They study Jewish texts; they probe the laws and begin to practice the traditions. Through questioning and examining the consequences of their own actions, they come to believe in something more powerful than themselves, something stronger than anything they can imagine-and they want to feel accountable to that Supreme Being.

But it would be very hard for a convert to reach this point alone; a teacher-a friend or a mentor of sorts - is needed to challenge, stimulate and encourage. I am constantly asked by my students why Jews observe certain rituals and laws-for example, why it is important to observe the Sabbath or place a mezuzah on the door. If a practice makes sense to them, it can add meaning and cohesiveness to their lives. If they learn the reasons behind the traditions of the Jewish wedding, for example, they may want a Jewish ceremony for themselves. Or they may think, I can keep kosher; it gives me a feeling of belonging.

Often Jews by Choice assume a much more devoted approach to Judaism than their born-Jewish spouses, who may be much less knowledgeable of Jewish traditions or who may take Judaism for granted. Converts' enthusiasm for Judaism challenges born Jews to reconsider and, in fact, deepen their commitment to Judaism. Jews by Choice can invigorate a generation that was largely lost to ignorance of its heritage. At a time when the great majority of intermarriages translates into assimilation and a loss for Judaism, and when the number of Jews is so sadly diminished as a result of the Holocaust and low Jewish birth rates, I celebrate the fact that all but a handful of my students have entered into the family of the Jewish people. Along the way, they wrestle with guilt, doubt and fear. As the rabbi who has mentored them personally, week after week, month after month, for about a year's time, I have seen their turmoil, their conflicts, their tears. Some worry that lightning will strike if they decide to convert to Judaism. But they find that instead of lightning striking them dead, there's a lightening of the soul, a captivation of the heart. As they make their journeys into Judaism, they long to read personal stories of people like themselves, told in their own words. Yet present-day sources that they can turn to for insight and guidance, and to know that they are not alone, are hard to come by. That was the genesis of this book.

I was overwhelmed when so many of my students asked to be included in this volume. Many have remarkable, even powerful, stories to relate. I tried to select stories that would reflect a broad cross-section of experience.

My students are going through an evolution, a transformation that they themselves and, I believe, with God's help are bringing about. They are like Abraham and Sarah, leaving the comfort of the known, the religions of their parents and their youth, to set out on new territory. Birth is traumatic; it takes courage to be reborn. They may miss, even long for, the comfort of the familiar; they may feel guilty for leaving it behind, but, like Abraham and Sarah, they find the struggle worthwhile.

I am in awe of the magnificent new Jews whose spiritual journeys appear on these pages. Names and certain identifying details have been changed to protect their privacy, but with the help of a journalist friend, Sherie Silverman, I have recorded their words as faithfully as possible. They add positive energy to the Jewish people, to be rekindled by future generations. It was a gift to me that they shared their lives with me.