Ten years ago, when I was a young, green-eyed salesperson fresh out of college, I hooked up with a coworker. It had seemed innocent enough - grabbing late night drinks after a conference down the street, flirting before and during conversations, laughter and glances across our desks, even a friendly hug as we went back to our offices - but soon it became more serious. We began meeting in secret for even more passionate "drinks." I found myself fantasizing about him everywhere I went and longing for something more.
But working in the same building can complicates things and amplifies the consequences of what may have been little more than a fling. Knowing your private life isn't so private is an incredibly uncomfortable feeling. And if one of you is someone senior or of a higher social caste, complications can increase rapidly.
So, if you've found yourself in this kind of situation, take a step back and ask yourself some important questions. Is it worth risking your job and your reputation? Are there others who need to be informed of the situation? Will this affect your working relationship? Could it be used as leverage in workplace disputes? Do the benefits of pursuing such a relationship really outweigh the costs? Asking yourself these questions will help you come to terms with the possible ramifications of getting involved with a fellow coworker and make informed decisions.
When deciding whether or not to go ahead with a workplace romance, you also need to consider the emotions of both parties. How intense are your emotions for this person? Passionate feelings bring about a natural excitement and anticipation, but it's important to remember that those feelings can quickly turn sour if the relationship isn't handled correctly. Before engaging in any kind of serious physical intimacy, ask yourself if you're truly prepared for the potential consequences and understand that you could be placing yourself in a very vulnerable position.
If you feel like this situation is untenable or too risky, then the best course of action would probably be to maintain a professional distance. This doesn't necessarily mean ending the relationship, but rather setting clear boundaries in order to limit potential risks, such as avoiding being alone together and keeping any conversations outside of work strictly about business.
The flipside of this is that getting involved with someone from work can, depending on the situation, also provide many potential opportunities for personal and career growth. Doing something exciting is always more enjoyable when you can share it with someone else who understands the same context and lingo and can thus understand your joys and aspirations. However, it's important to actively monitor your own behavior, as well as being aware of how either party's actions are seen by the other employees in the office.
No two relationships are the same and it is ultimately up to you to decide what's best for you. What might be right for one couple might be wrong for another. The only thing that can really define success or failure in this scenario is how you both handle the situation. Try to be mindful of how actions between the two of you could be perceived by others and stay aware of your own behavior and conduct. There are risks involved, but if handled carefully and with respect, one may find that the rewards are much greater than the costs.
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