When a previous relationship does not work out, it can be challenging to know why or keep trying another time. People may even feel like their "broken heart" is beyond repair and give up on the idea of dating altogether. But what if a subsequent relationship works — what was it that made the difference? Here are some tips for understanding why the relationship succeeds this time around and the potential concerns to consider if it is working out this second time around.
If you suddenly find yourself in a successful relationship again after heartbreak, it's important to take pause and ask yourself what could be different this time around. Is there a mature depth in communication between the two of you that wasn't present before? So often, with love comes growth and lessons as we learn more about ourselves and our partner. It could be that over past experiences and amicable breakups with your last partner, both you and your current partner are better equipped to understand each other's feelings and needs.
However, if you feel the relationship is coming too easy and that things are progressing more quickly than before, sometimes it means something else is at hand. Could you be using the comfort of this relationship as a Band-Aid for the pain of the wrongness of the last one? Or has something in your life or mental/emotional state shifted so drastically in such a short time?
The answer to why this relationship is succeeding may feel murky and hard to pin down, but that doesn't mean it is impossible to explore. You may want to start by looking closely at any issues or red flags that have been ignored due to lack of time or intentions to make it last. Ignoring these issues could lead to potential future problems, as it's possible to miss signs of emotional unhealthy behavior.
Take some time to reflect on the real reasons your relationship is now winning. Is it just because the other person is more suited to you, or are you making an effort to make it work this time? Keeping the flame alive requires effort and thought on both sides. Oftentimes one partner will want more than the other, and if this is evident it may cause deep-rooted resentment or turbulence. Alternatively, if only one person taking initiative and the other is following the lead, it will not result in a balanced, healthy relationship.
Ask yourself if something has changed in you — have you have become more rigid or selective of what you desire in a partner? Have you suddenly grown more independent or willing to try new things? If there seems to be some parts of you that have undergone drastic change, ask yourself why. Some people will resist a healthier connection due to fear of it falling apart like the previous relationship.
Although this reluctance can be understandable, it's necessary to address it head on. Confronting the issue of why you may be holding yourself back from all that this relationship has to offer can unlock new layers of understanding. This deeper insight into yourself could help inform you whether the relationship is meant to last or to help you grow out of what once was. Moreover, it can help you identify any additional biases that influence how your view and interact with your current partner.
Once you have done this research, there is no greater satisfaction than recognizing the growth you have experienced that has led to this successful second relationship opportunity. No matter what the outcome of this relationship is, carry with you the wisdom of why it worked this time around.
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