Dear eNotAlone: John is struggling to come to terms with a fact he has only recently become aware of - his good friend is actually someone he has been talking to online for months. John is racked with guilt and confusion, because he feels like he has betrayed his friend's trust by not telling them about his true identity. He doesn't know if he should tell the truth or keep quiet, and is scared it will damage their relationship.
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John, you are in a difficult situation and I understand that there is a lot at stake with your friendship. Suddenly finding out that an online friend is really someone you have been close with for many years can be a lot to handle, and it's normal to feel unsure of what to do.
First off, let me say that it is not too late and there is still a chance to communicate with your friend. It is absolutely essential that we resolve this situation peacefully and constructively, and the best way to do this is by getting ahead of the problem and openly communicating your feelings and fears.
Before making any decisions, it is important to take a step back and look at the situation objectively. You don't want to make a choice out of fear or guilt or hesitation, so try and approach this problem with a clear head. Carefully consider the consequences of each solution: could confessing be beneficial or could it cause harm? Each potential resolution should be weighed with care, as the outcome of this situation relies heavily on the decisions you make now.
Rather than jumping straight into a confession, try and think about other ways to approach this issue. It is possible to reclaim the connection you have without disrupting the fragile dynamic you both share. Make your friend aware of the uncomfortable position you're in and explain to them why it's so hard for you to speak up. When dealing with issues like this, it's important to stay conscious of your friend's feelings and how they're responding - after all, no one should have to be the bearer of bad news.
If the two of you decide to converse and talk through the predicament you find yourself in, be sure to be honest and open. Admit your shortcomings and take ownership of your mistakes. You can apologize for any misjudgement or dishonesty, but refrain from trying to make excuses. The simple action of talking can be a huge relief and make a huge difference to the friendship you share.
Reestablishing the connection with your friend is key. It may take some time for trust to be rebuilt, but real relationships should always remain despite the challenges each one can face. Once more, I sincerely encourage you to talk things through with your friend and be honest and understanding to everyone involved. There is so much potential for growth in this situation if you engage thoughtfully and respectfully with each other.
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