The Three-Way Relationship: When Love Triples, Trouble Maybe Broiling

It’s possible to feel like you have been bewitched.  When love is involved and hearts are pulling in different directions, hardly comprehending what to do – what is the right thing for us, for them, for everyone? Trying to make decisions when we’re in a three-way relationship can be as baffling as searching for solutions in a gloaming mist. If you feel like you are in a three-way relationship and you are uncertain how to proceed, this article offers some friendly advice.

In such a delicate relationship, hurt feelings can swirl, much as if a tempest is raging inside our souls. Regulations can feel nonexistent. Uncertainty can smother all of our hopes and dreams. Thoughts of self-doubt can intrude, making us wonder why we put ourselves in such a complex situation in the first place. We can question our own wisdom and good sense, turning inward instead of finding an optimistic resolution.  

No matter how the three-way relationship has formed, it can oftentimes feel far easier to remain in a tremulous limbo than to try and make a decision which feels like it will change everything irrevocably. To choose one person over another can also seem like a treacherous match to light. We shake with trepidation, not wanting to hurt anyone, least of all ourselves, or the ones we adore. With hearts full of love and brains spewing uncertainty, how do we choose wisely?

These types of relationships often rise from the confluence of desire and the quirky reality of life – especially with those relationships that start because one partner is already in a relationship and that couple falls for someone else, creating a conundrum. The seemingly insurmountable difficulties can leave us feeling lost and frightened. But before you throw yourself headlong into the maelstrom of emotions and conflicting thoughts, take a step back and give yourself some time for self-reflection.

The most important thing is to be honest with yourself. Ask if you're in this relationship for all the right reasons. Do you love both people equally? Should you stay in the relationship? Can you see yourself making a commitment to both partners? Can you even contemplate ending things without causing too much emotional turmoil? Will it become just too complicated in the long-term? Is there a risk you could emotionally harm someone, perhaps yourself the most?

It can be difficult to confront those questions. Don't pressure yourself to come up with a definitive answer right away but allow yourself to consider carefully your own wants and needs. You must take responsibility for your own actions and choices, even as you may be driven by emotions that buffet you this way and that.

Do not be swayed by obligation or guilt. Weigh the pros and cons on both sides, knowing that no matter what decision you eventually come to, it can still lead to discomfort and regret. All paths are hard; only sensitivity and taking responsibility for your choices will ease your conscience. Of course, the love for both partners must be mutual and the relationship must be polyamorous from the start.

Your feelings must also be considered, so try to work out what expectations and boundaries you have. How do you define yourself within the relationship and beyond? What about if children come into the equation?

It will take determination, courage, and above all honesty to choose the best direction to take or whether there is a possibility to maintain the complexity of the relationship in the long term. Here, talking openly with each partner is a must. This can be nerve wracking, fearsome even; but without clear communication, the relationship can become strained, with emotions becoming even more uneasy.

So, how do you make a decision when it comes to three-way relationships? Most importantly, listen to your inner voice and remember to be honest with yourself. Question your motives and take responsibility for your decisions. Keep in mind that your choices should not be governed by guilt but make sure to include the people involved in the discussion. the decision made should be for the benefit of all parties.

Above all, take your time and remember that whatever the outcome of the decision, it should be accepted and honored by everyone involved. It’s better to make the decision upon your own terms and timeframes, than swiftly bowing your head and doing something under pressure to meet other's expectations. Fairness is key when it comes to three-way relationships, so make sure to keep it at the core. The choice ultimately must be yours and yours alone.