Love. It represents kindness and acceptance, protection and safety, solace and understanding; it gives us hope and courage, inspiration and faith. We intuitively crave it, surely expecting that to love and be loved is the most natural thing in the world. But time and time again, we are surprised - sometimes overwhelmed - by the complexity of it all. When it comes to understanding the depths of love and its complex nature, one phrase stands out: ""
To be sure, the proverb is paradoxical. On the one hand, if love is rooted in kindness, then its acceptance should be natural and easy. After all, kindness permeates our relationships with friends and family. So why should love be any different?
And yet, here is the truth: humans are complicated creatures, and love is a entwined with a multitude of emotions and conditions which are far more complicated than simplistic concepts such as ‘kindness'. Such complexity can cause us to reject, or even be fearful of, the idea of allowing someone (notwithstanding how kind they may be) too close to us. It's as if something deep inside of us sends a warning that a deep connection could make us vulnerable, so we push ourselves away from the very thing we seek. What was once welcomed with joy – being accepted into a warm embrace – is, for some, fraught with fear and hesitation.
It's extraordinary, really – the ways in which love can conjure complicated feelings. For example, no matter how protected or safe we feel when we love someone, those same feelings are often scarred by ambivalence or uncertainty. We experience duality in emotion, absconding from comfort to anxiously question the reliability of our partner. Despite there being trust and closeness, nourishing both our hearts and souls, at times there is an almost silent mistrust that can offer a counter-vailing force, unsettling the delicate balance we depend on.
In effect, it's a dance; a balancing act of two forces. The calming, heart-warming effects of kindness, love, and trust vying against the thunderclap of fear, doubt, and sorrow. It is a roller coaster of emotions, turbulent and turbulent-less, ecstatic highs that spiral down into unexpected lows. The joy of being accepted at our core clashes with anxiety, an invisible force that expels us just as we feel the power and beauty of the moment is due to arrive. At points in our lives, when the anxiety is so strong, only an act of courage can wrench our hearts back to the safety and contentment of love.
So, it is precisely this complexity, this koan embodied within the paradox of love, which loosens our grip on the tidal pull of trust and kindness and swallows us up in its implacable waves. Despite being so wrapped up in the wonderment of being in love, what's surprising is how difficult it is to remain open and tolerant of someone who is simply seeking to love, care, and protect us. Kindness is never pure, it seems, but made complicated by our fragile and often trying emotional states.
We must ultimately work, however clumsily, to reignite that spark of hope and awe inspiring love; for it is love that insists we find a way, however long it might take, to accept the love that exists inside us -- and the kindness that deserves our notice.
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