To be in the throes of a passionate new relationship can feel like flying. The endorphins, the tenderness, and the deep connection shared between the two of you can make life seem wonderful. But feelings can change quickly and deeply, and knowing whether or not this partner is the one you’ll eventually spend your life with can take time.
We all want to know as quickly as possible if the person we start dating is the right one, but in reality, there is no set time frame or foolproof test to determine this. After all, relationships are unique, individual experiences. Whether you’re 20 or 50, there is no magic timeline for when you should determine whether the person is someone you can truly commit to. Instead, it will come with time and the willingness to be patient and honest with yourself.
In the beginning stages of a relationship, take inventory of how you feel about the person. Do they give you a sense of peace and contentment? Are common interests quickly being identified, and does conversation with them flow easily? Chances are, if the answer to these questions are mostly yes and you’re feeling like you’ve found someone who makes you happy and accept you just as you are, then your feelings have a chance to last.
When making a decision so big, talking to friends and family who have been in successful relationships can be beneficial. They can tell you the qualities that worked best for them, which can help inform your own choices. Try to talk to someone whose opinion you respect and who has a long-term, better relationship. When discussing it with them, think of it as an exercise in self-reflection — don’t be afraid to hear advice that may push you out of your comfort zone if it will help you to make the right decisions.
Additionally, it's important to get to know each other and how your personalities, habits and beliefs align. Comparing movie choices, discussing personal values, and analyzing day to day conversations can give you a strong indication on whether or not the two of you would be compatible for a life together. While it can come with excitement and butterflies, understanding those values and dreams that you both hold is essential, as it can shape the destiny of your relationship.
You don’t necessarily need to put a number on the timeline; instead, take your time to let it develop naturally. Moments of concern, frustration, or disconnect are normal - use those moments to reflect and mature. Stay connected by continuing to go out and explore, even if it’s just simple walks or brunches, and learn more about each other through open and honest communication. the moment of clarity about whether or not you’re ready to be together for the long haul will arrive organically when you’ve done the work.
The best relationships can survive anything, but that only comes with dedicated effort from both sides. Loving yourself first is essential, as it will inspire you to know what kind of love truly resonates with you. Above all, take your time and find a partner who challenges, encourages and supports you on your journey. You will know when the time is right if the wait was worth it.
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