Unlike parental relationships, friendships offer us the freedom and space to choose who we spend our time with. That’s why friendships are such a valuable part of life: when you invest in others and receive their love in return over time, a bond forms that brings about mutual support and understanding.
It’s difficult to think outside the box when a loved one is in a less-than-ideal situation like a toxic relationship, because all humans have a natural inclination to protect those they care about against any danger they face. We look for silver linings, draw on our inner resources, and strive to provide practical solutions - all while hoping to quell our own inner turmoil.
But is it fair to expect our friends to constantly go through our own emotional roller coaster with us all the time? Realistically speaking, no. While it is natural to be empathetic and supportive of our friends, personal boundaries must maintain equilibrium between support and self-preservation.
We can subconsciously fall victim to vicarious trauma especially when the people we’re close to experience a dark period; that’s why it’s important to protect your own mental and emotional wellness. You may then find yourself being drawn even deeper into someone else's darkness, which puts both your well-being and that of your friend at risk. It is therefore necessary to balance these two opposing desires - wanting to be supportive and provide solace whilst also not losing yourself in the process.
Therefore, it’s completely understandable if you don’t want to keep hearing about your friend’s toxic relationship anymore. Joining them on the journey, if sometimes essential, can also come at a cost. This doesn’t in any way suggest that you should turn away from them - it’s just a way of ensuring that you don’t become overwhelmed in the process of helping them. Instead, explore other methods of support such as being present, offering various perspective, having patience and also looking out for signs of burnout. There are many ways in which you can be there for them without overextending yourself.
The give-and-take dynamic of a healthy relationship always ultimately leads to a certain degree of empathy and sacrifice, but don't forget to preserve yourself in the process. no matter how much you cherish the person, you don’t want to exhaust your resources - both those on the emotional front and any other valuable resources. Rather than sacrificing everything for someone else, focus on striking the right balance that satisfies both your need to understand, help and be there without losing yourself in the process.
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