We’ve all been there. You find yourself in a state of elation and now it seems as if nothing and no one else matters but your special someone. Whether you’re just starting to date and cautiously progressing, ending a relationship and feeling adrift, or married and feeling distant, our minds enter unchartered waters when romantic feelings are involved. But how do we know whether these feelings are the real deal, and if so, what do we do next?
Love usually strikes like lightning, with an intensity that may seem irrational from the outside looking in. It can be unnervingly hard to make sense of how powerful your feelings truly are, when all your head can think about is your beloved. It’s important to take a step back and analyze if the emotions at hand are indeed love, or simply infatuation.
Infatuation is defined as a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong admiration or passion toward someone or something, and generally, doesn’t last as long as genuine love. As mere mortals, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and be overtaken by emotions; this is where things can get tricky. The rollercoaster of emotions that come with newfound love can linger in our heads and hearts, making us blind to the difference between true love and false.
A healthy relationship should start by taking some time to get to know each other and build trust. Ask yourselves if this person has qualities you admire and recognize. Are they responsible? Respectful? Loyal? Do they listen to you, challenge you, and bring out the best version of yourself? These questions can help guide you in the direction of true love, and away from potential heartache caused by short-lived infatuation.
Another way to tell is with communication. We all express emotions differently, but there should be clear signs that connection is truly sincere. For example, does this person check in on you just to say hello, or to see how you’re doing without any expectations or strings attached? If not, it could be a sign that the emotion might not be mutual, or not as strong as you originally thought. Love should be relatively effortless and smooth, not involving too many highs and lows.
Time can also be a good indicator of the kind of emotion being experienced. Even though it seems as if time stands still when we're around the object of our affection, remember that relationships need room to grow. Don’t compare your progress to others, but if weeks and months pass without progression, it’s likely that what you’re feeling is not based on the building blocks of true love.
The most important factor in distinguishing somebody who might potentially be The One from a fling is how deep your emotions run. Trying to make sense of your feelings can stir up an emotional whirlwind sure to break havoc. Always use caution and sound judgment, but also embrace your feelings wholeheartedly – as much as it is scary, it’s also exhilarating. Loving somebody deeply is an experience like no other, and so is discovering whether those feelings are real and staying brave enough to pursue them.
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