Shocking Traits of Submissive Women (Is It Harmful?)

Key Takeaways:

• Submission can reflect personal choice.
• Signs of submission vary widely.
• Self-esteem impacts submissive behaviors.
• Healthy marriages can include submission.
• Empowerment doesn't mean rejecting submission.

The Meaning of a Submissive Woman

Let's clear something up—submission doesn't always mean weakness. When we hear the term "submissive woman," many of us picture someone without a voice, someone who is passive or under another's control. But that's only one piece of the puzzle. In reality, submission can be a choice, a dynamic within a relationship where a woman decides to let her partner take the lead in certain areas. It's often tied to cultural, religious, or personal beliefs.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on relationships, reminds us that “the key to a good relationship is to allow influence,” suggesting that submission is part of this give-and-take. But it's important to recognize where submission stems from—is it from love and trust, or fear and insecurity?

Submission might look different for everyone, and it doesn't have to mean giving up personal strength. It's about choice. And here's the catch: there's a fine line between willing submission and being submissive because of fear or low self-esteem.

Is Being Submissive Acceptable or Harmful?

Here's the million-dollar question: Is submission in relationships acceptable, or is it harmful? The answer isn't as black and white as it may seem.

We need to ask: are you feeling fulfilled in this dynamic, or are you stuck feeling like you're losing your identity? Submission can work in healthy, balanced relationships where both partners respect each other's boundaries and choices. But when submission is driven by fear, low self-worth, or external pressure, it becomes harmful, draining a person's sense of self.

Research in psychology points to a theory called "learned helplessness," where individuals stop trying to assert their will because they've been conditioned to believe their efforts won't matter. If submission leads to this, it's clearly harmful. That's why it's crucial to recognize the root cause of your submissiveness—does it come from a place of trust or a place of fear?

Ultimately, whether submission is acceptable or harmful depends on the individual and the nature of the relationship. But one thing is certain: no one should lose their sense of self in the process.

5 Typical Submissive Woman Behaviors

Submissiveness can show up in subtle, almost unnoticeable ways. We often think it's all about doing whatever the other person says, but submission can be more complex than that. Let's break down some typical behaviors that submissive women often display. These aren't necessarily negative, but they do reveal how deeply ingrained submission can be in everyday actions.

First, submissive women tend to defer to their partner's opinions even when they have their own thoughts. They may say things like, “I'll do whatever you think is best,” or avoid voicing disagreements. On the surface, it might seem like they're trying to keep the peace, but this behavior often stems from a desire to maintain harmony at the expense of their own needs.

Another common behavior is justifying their partner's actions, even when those actions are hurtful or unjust. You might hear them say, “He's just stressed,” or “It's not a big deal,” as they downplay things that should be addressed. This behavior can reflect deeper insecurities or fear of conflict.

Submissive women might also show deferential body language, such as avoiding eye contact or keeping their posture small—arms crossed, shoulders hunched. This is a way of communicating nonverbally that they're taking a backseat in the interaction. Body language speaks louder than words sometimes, and this kind of behavior says, “I'm not a threat.”

Additionally, you may notice passive-aggressive tendencies. Instead of openly addressing issues, submissive women might engage in subtle ways of showing frustration, like being late on purpose or "forgetting" to do something. It's their way of asserting themselves without confrontation, which is often uncomfortable for them.

Lastly, codependency is a hallmark of submission. Submissive women can become overly reliant on their partner, feeling incomplete or incapable without them. This creates a dynamic where they feel obligated to submit in order to keep the relationship intact, even if it drains their emotional well-being.

10 Signs of a Submissive Woman

When you think of submission, certain traits might come to mind immediately, but let's dig deeper. What are the actual signs that someone is living in a submissive role? It's not always obvious, and these signs can sometimes be masked as kindness, generosity, or selflessness.

1. They are a follower rather than a partner, always letting someone else take the lead without input.
2. There is a lot of passive-aggressive behavior. They won't confront their issues head-on but will drop hints or act out in small ways.
3. They constantly justify their partner's actions, even when they know the behavior is wrong.
4. They display codependency by acting as if they can't function or make decisions without their partner.
5. Low self-esteem is a common underlying cause of submission—they may not feel “good enough” to assert their needs.
6. It often becomes a superficial act, where the submission is more about maintaining appearances than an authentic dynamic.
7. Their body language is deferential: crossed arms, hunched shoulders, and avoiding eye contact.
8. Insecurity shows up in how they interact with their partner and with others, always second-guessing themselves.
9. Sometimes, they can use manipulation to get their way instead of being straightforward.
10. They're often quiet, not because they have nothing to say, but because they've trained themselves to suppress their thoughts and feelings.

What Does a Submissive Woman Like in Relationships?

Submissive women often gravitate toward relationships that provide a sense of security and direction. They enjoy feeling protected, knowing that their partner can take charge when necessary. For many, it's about trust. When they submit, they are trusting their partner to lead in a way that benefits both of them. This dynamic can create an emotional safety net where they feel their needs are cared for, even if they aren't the ones making decisions.

That doesn't mean submissive women don't have preferences or desires—they just express them differently. They tend to value emotional connection and stability over conflict or power struggles. Many submissive women like being in relationships where their nurturing instincts are appreciated, where they feel their emotional and physical support helps the relationship flourish. In essence, they find joy in complementing their partner's strengths, often providing the quiet backbone to the relationship.

According to Esther Perel, a renowned relationship therapist, “The balance of power in relationships is not just about dominance; it's about how we negotiate, give, and take.” This idea rings true for submissive women, who often find contentment in creating balance, where their partner leads and they support in ways that feel meaningful to them.

It's also important to note that submissive women can still desire romance, affection, and appreciation. They enjoy being cherished and respected in the relationship, even if they are more inclined to defer to their partner's decisions.

How Submissiveness Affects Self-Esteem

Submissiveness and self-esteem are deeply intertwined, and the effects aren't always positive. A woman who consistently submits in her relationship might find that her self-esteem takes a hit over time. Why? Because when you constantly prioritize someone else's needs over your own, it's easy to lose sight of your own worth.

At first, submission might feel comforting, but as time goes on, it can erode a person's sense of identity. They may start to wonder: “What do I want?” or “Do I even matter in this relationship?” Psychologists call this phenomenon “self-neglect,” where a person's value is tied entirely to how well they serve others, leading to feelings of worthlessness.

Low self-esteem can manifest in various ways for submissive women. Some may become overly dependent on their partner's validation, while others may struggle with anxiety or depression. They might feel they're not good enough to express their own desires or opinions, believing their role is to support rather than lead. In extreme cases, this can lead to emotional numbness, where a woman no longer recognizes her own voice in the relationship.

But here's the good news: recognizing this pattern is the first step to breaking it. Self-esteem can be rebuilt by learning to assert needs and desires, setting boundaries, and realizing that submission should never come at the cost of self-worth. A healthy relationship allows space for both partners to thrive individually while nurturing the partnership.

The Impact of Being a Submissive Wife on Mental Health

When it comes to mental health, submission can be a double-edged sword. For some women, being submissive in a relationship brings comfort and peace. They may feel a sense of security knowing they can lean on their partner for guidance and decision-making. However, for others, this dynamic can slowly chip away at their mental well-being, especially if submission isn't a choice but a feeling of necessity.

Over time, the effects of prolonged submission can be harmful to mental health. Feeling consistently unheard or underappreciated can lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression. Psychologists have found that when individuals suppress their own needs, desires, and opinions to maintain peace, it leads to a phenomenon called “emotional suppression,” which can cause long-term stress and emotional fatigue.

Additionally, a submissive wife might start feeling disconnected from herself, struggling with identity. Constantly placing another person's needs above her own can blur the lines between who she is as an individual and her role in the marriage. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, a lack of purpose, and a sense of being lost. As the relationship dynamic reinforces submission, the wife may slowly detach from her own aspirations, becoming trapped in a cycle of emotional dependency.

On the flip side, if submission is part of a mutually respectful partnership where both parties are content with their roles, it can bring peace of mind and reduce stress. But the critical factor is always choice. If a submissive wife feels empowered and content with the arrangement, her mental health is less likely to suffer. The key is balance and self-awareness—knowing that submission should not mean sacrificing self-worth.

Can a Healthy Marriage Include Submission?

This is the question that stirs up debates, and rightfully so. Can a marriage be healthy if one partner is submissive? The answer depends entirely on the dynamics at play. Submission doesn't automatically mean a marriage is unhealthy. In fact, many relationships thrive on different power dynamics, as long as both partners are happy with their roles.

For some couples, submission can enhance intimacy and trust. It allows one partner to take the lead in certain areas, while the other supports, which can create harmony. But for submission to coexist with a healthy marriage, mutual respect is essential. Both partners need to value each other's contributions, and submission should be a choice, not an expectation or a demand.

What often happens in unhealthy dynamics is that submission becomes unbalanced. The submissive partner may lose their voice or feel that their needs don't matter. When submission is forced or one-sided, it leads to feelings of resentment, which can quickly unravel the fabric of the marriage.

But when both partners communicate openly and respect each other's boundaries, submission doesn't have to be harmful. In some cases, it can even strengthen the relationship by reinforcing trust. The key is ensuring that submission comes from a place of empowerment, where both partners are free to express their needs and desires without fear of judgment or control.

Ultimately, the question isn't whether submission is inherently bad but whether it's consensual and part of a healthy balance of power. In the right context, submission can exist alongside equality, love, and mutual respect.

Codependency vs Submissiveness: Understanding the Difference

It's easy to confuse codependency with submissiveness because both involve prioritizing another person's needs. However, the two are not the same. Understanding the difference between these dynamics can help women recognize whether they're in a healthy submissive relationship or stuck in a damaging cycle of codependency.

Codependency is when your emotional well-being becomes entirely dependent on your partner. You don't just support them—you feel responsible for their happiness, and your identity is tied to keeping them content. A codependent person often sacrifices their own needs out of fear of rejection or abandonment. It's less about personal choice and more about emotional survival.

Submissiveness, on the other hand, can be a voluntary choice in a relationship dynamic. A submissive woman may choose to allow her partner to lead in certain areas, but she doesn't lose herself in the process. Her identity remains intact, and she can still voice her thoughts and desires. The critical difference is that in a healthy submissive relationship, the submissive partner feels valued and respected. She's not sacrificing herself out of fear or emotional dependence.

When we examine codependency, psychologist Melody Beattie explains it well: “Codependent relationships are about one person not being able to function without the other.” This reliance can lead to emotional exhaustion and a lack of personal boundaries. In contrast, a submissive woman can still maintain a sense of self, boundaries, and independence, even if she chooses to take on a more supportive role in the relationship.

So, how do you know if you're submissive or codependent? Ask yourself: Am I choosing this role, or do I feel like I have no choice? Does my partner appreciate me for who I am, or do they take advantage of my support? Your answers will help you see the difference between healthy submission and codependency.

How to Empower Yourself if You're a Submissive Woman

Just because you identify as a submissive woman doesn't mean you can't feel empowered. In fact, empowerment can coexist with submission—it's all about reclaiming your voice, setting boundaries, and ensuring that your submission is a choice, not an obligation.

The first step toward empowerment is self-awareness. Recognize when you're submitting because it feels right, and when you're doing it because you're afraid of upsetting your partner. Are you choosing to take a backseat, or is it a role that's been forced on you? This distinction is critical in taking control of your emotional well-being.

Next, learn to assert your needs. Empowerment means having the courage to express what you want, even in a submissive role. Your desires matter just as much as your partner's. Start by communicating your needs in small ways—suggest dinner plans, share your thoughts on weekend activities, or express how you're feeling emotionally. Gradually, you'll feel more comfortable asserting yourself without compromising your role.

Another vital aspect of empowerment is setting boundaries. Being submissive doesn't mean you have to be a doormat. Healthy submission includes clear boundaries that both you and your partner respect. Maybe you're fine with them making financial decisions, but you want equal say when it comes to big life changes. Whatever the case, setting limits ensures that submission doesn't turn into self-sacrifice.

Finally, surround yourself with people who support your individuality. This might include friends, family, or even a therapist who can help you stay connected to your identity. Having a solid support system can remind you that you're more than just a submissive partner—you're an individual with your own passions, dreams, and goals. Empowerment begins with knowing that submission is a choice, and you deserve to thrive within that choice.

Conclusion: Navigating Submission in Modern Relationships

Submission in relationships can be complex, especially in today's world where equality and individualism are valued. It's essential to recognize that submission doesn't have to mean giving up your identity, power, or self-worth. In healthy relationships, submission can be a form of trust and partnership, where both people feel respected and valued.

However, navigating submission requires self-awareness and open communication. If you're a submissive woman, it's crucial to ask yourself whether this dynamic is a choice or an expectation. Are you fulfilled by it, or does it leave you feeling diminished? Submission should be something that enhances your relationship and emotional well-being, not something that leads to resentment or erases your voice.

Modern relationships thrive on mutual respect, whether they involve submission or not. The goal should always be balance—where both partners contribute to the relationship in ways that feel authentic and healthy. If you're in a submissive role, remember that your needs, desires, and boundaries matter just as much as your partner's.

Ultimately, submission isn't inherently bad or good—it's about how it fits into the unique dynamic of your relationship. By maintaining self-awareness, communicating openly, and setting boundaries, you can navigate submission in a way that honors both you and your partner.

Recommended Resources

• Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
• Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel