It's one of life's great mysteries: love is profoundly powerful and yet, it can be incredibly confusing. Knowing who, when, and how best to love can be overwhelming. You, like many others, find yourself standing at the crossroads of confusion and uncertainty. The good news is that you are not alone. Evoking turbulent emotions, love leaves many people ranging in age, ethnicity, and background feeling perplexed.
Perhaps your situation involves loving someone who lacks courage or commitment. Or maybe you are trying to figure out your long-term goals and dreams while simultaneously tending to the needs of your partner. Maybe we are talking about unrequited love or undefined boundaries or simply unconditional acceptance. It doesn’t really matter what shape your confusion has taken—you just know this love feels complicated.
It’s time for exploration, for taking the road towards discovery and truly understanding the terrain you are navigating. For the greatest chance of success, roll up your sleeves and work bear the ambiguity. What should you do?
The first step is to focus on self-awareness. This is an essential building block for living an emotionally healthy life. Get honest. Be vulnerable. Probe into the depths of your soul and as uncomfortable as it might be, take ownership of your feelings and reactions. Reflecting on moments of clarity will help you recognize triggers, providing the opportunity to unravel why something may have felt difficult or challenging. Knowing what overwhelms you or brings your defenses to the surface is resourceful information—candidly work through the answers. Doing so allows you to gain insight into yourself and helps inform future decision making.
Equally important is to recognize that you define the meaning of your experiences. While it’s valid to be influenced by the views and messages shared by family and friends, at the end of the day, your opinion matters most. All too often, we look outside ourselves to determine what is acceptable or inappropriate. When we do this, our autonomy is compromised, prompting us to model behavior that isn’t reflective of our own intentions. Instead of blindly following what the herd is doing, make sure your compass is true. Establish personality-driven boundaries and implement practices that prioritize respect and value.
Finally, never forget: the real power of love is found in mastering the ability to choose wisely. We all make mistakes; in fact, that is part of the human experience. Rather than obsessing over weaknesses and beating yourself up, focus on the present moment. Look for clues that are pointing you in the right direction and courageously listen to your gut. Understand that self-regard is a vital component of any relationship, but particularly in love. Make sure you honor the person you are, in addition to the person you want to become.
Chart your course and reach the rugged shore of certainty. Difficult understandings and ambiguous situations are the raw material you need to create a stunning masterpiece—your own lifetime of love.
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