Second chances don’t come easily but, when it comes to relationships, they can be rarer still. For some couples, when a marriage ends and the dust settles, recoupling provides an opportunity to right past wrongs and craft lasting love. But, for those that find themselves in the unique position of remarrying a former spouse, the landscape presents an even more complicated terrain.
With a second marriage, you want to find a way forwards, but the past is always looking over your shoulder. It casts a long shadow. Do you fall back into old habits and repeat old mistakes? Or do you use the chance to reset and create something fresh?
One thing both parties have to be clear about is that this will not be the same relationship as before. That version is gone; something new needs to be built. A marriage takes years of commitment and hard work, but with a second marriage, there's a more challenging emotional landscape due to shared memories, hurt, resentment and other unresolved issues.
That's why, first and foremost, couples must learn to recognize and manage their own emotions. They must figure out how to cooperate and recognize one another's feelings during heated arguments. Being aware of how you feel helps you express your thoughts and feelings in a non-confrontational manner. It also prevents disagreements from descending into heated battles.
Regardless of the situation, communication is key. It’s a cliched phrase but it has never been more true. Listening to one another, being able to state your views and discussing expectations all help avoid misunderstandings. If there are particular areas of contention, agree on boundaries and protocols in advance to prevent any future disputes.
If both partners carry on talking and listening properly, there can be a lot to gain from getting back together. Over the years partners may have grown more mature. Each might have changed and developed emotionally and psychologically enabling them to look at things from a different perspective.
Some believe remarriage with an ex-spouse offers a deeper psychological healing and connection than forging a relationship from with a stranger. Re-created marriages promise to be secure and stable, so long as the issues of the past have been fully resolved.
For any couple — whether it’s a rekindled relationship or a brand new one — understanding yourself and each other is two parts of an inseparable whole. Without understanding your own individual character and that of your partner, the so-called ‘happily ever after’ may just remain a fairy tale.
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