I believe I'm in a healthy and trusting relationship, but why can't I stop getting jealous when she goes out?
Jealousy is a normal emotion experienced in any loving relationships but it can spiral out of control if you're not careful. When your partner goes out without you, that's when feelings of jealousy can start to creep in – leaving you feeling angry, lost and out of control. To stop the downward spiral of emotions, you must understand why you feel this way in the first place. Identifying the source of these intense emotions is the first step in conquering them.
Oftentimes, being jealous is linked to insecurity. This can stem from fear of being alone, fear of being abandoned or fear of not having your needs met by your partner. Too often, we jump to conclusions about how our partner behaves when they are not physically with us. We don't know for certain what kinds of conversations they're having or what kinds of activities they're engaged in, so our minds often make up stories based on assumptions and what we think "might" happen. This creates a breed of paranoia that can often be unfounded.
The key to reducing jealous feelings is to practice self-compassion and self-love. Remind yourself of all the qualities that make you unique and worthy of love. Go over all the things your partner likes and admires about you. Realize that they chose to be with you despite their own flaws, so you should show yourself some of that same kindness. Think back to all of the moments where your partner has reassured you of their love and commitment to the relationship. These are all reminders that you are secure in your relationship.
Another way to decrease jealousy is to increase communication with your partner. Ask your partner for reassurance about your relationship and tell them about your worries. Making sure both partners understand each other's needs and boundaries creates a solid foundation for trust and respect. Discussing expectations around spending time with friends and family will bring more clarity and can help ease any worries that come with going out.
It's important to build up positive associations with your partner's outings. Instead of worrying about what could potentially go wrong, think about all the wonderful moments that could happen. Visualize the conversations they would have and all of the fun they could have. Knowing that your partner is out building relationships with others in a healthy way is something to be admired!
Emotions of jealousy are totally natural and they can't always be prevented. The best thing to do is to be honest with yourself and trust in your relationship. When jealous thoughts rise, remind yourself of all the reasons why your partner loves you and ask your partner for reassurance. The more you both talk about expectations and fears, the less headspace there is for distrustful thoughts.
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