How Can I Stop Being Jealous in my Relationship?

Dear eNotAlone: My girlfriend and I have been together for over two years and recently things have started to feel a little unstable. We have an amazing connection and I truly love her, however, lately, I find myself getting jealous often. Whenever she talks to another guy that I don't know or I see her out with her friends without me, I get really insecure. Even the thought of her cheating on me makes me anxious and it ends up ruining our nights together. I want us to still be happy and I don't want to push her away by constantly questioning her loyalty to me. How can I stop making her uncomfortable by my jealousy and get back to the trusting and healthy relationship we had before?

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Are you struggling to keep your jealousy in check in your loving relationship? Letting your emotions and insecurities get the best of you can quickly lead to deep unhappiness and tension when it comes to your relationship. If you are overwhelmed by feelings of possessiveness and mistrust, it is essential that you learn how to take back control of your emotions and restore trust and stability in your relationship.

Jealousy can easily make you act in irrational ways, making your partner feel uncomfortable and distanced from you. However, with intentional effort, it is possible to curb these feelings and create a stronger bond with your significant other. To help you take the first step to putting a stop to your jealousy, here are some expert tips that will help you foster a trusting and secure relationship with your partner.

Seek to Understand

The first step towards correcting your jealous tendencies involves understanding why you feel this way. Jealousy is complex and is often rooted in fear and past experiences. While each individual case is unique, the most common cause of jealous behavior is one's sense of insecurity and fear of abandonment. The key to tempering the negative power of jealous is to identify the source of the anxiety. Take a step back and really ask yourself "Why do I feel jealous?" Once you understand what is causing the emotion, it will be easier to manage it with vigilant effort.

Express Yourself Authentically

The only way you can let go of your insecurity is to open up to your partner. While it may be difficult to share your struggles with jealousy and insecurity, it is essential to do so if you want to experience a healthier relationship. It is important to be frank yet kind when speaking to your partner. Most importantly, be vulnerable and allow yourself to be seen by your significant other. By being honest about your feelings in a non-accusatory manner, you are providing your partner with a safe space to talk about what is really going on.

Show Gratitude

Oftentimes when one is consumed by jealousy, it's easy to overlook all the positive aspects of your relationship. Make an effort to make your partner feel appreciated and valued. Send them sweet text messages throughout the day, give them compliments, and show them your gratitude. This will help you focus on all that you have together such as shared values, interests, humor, and the fun of experiencing life together. At the same time, this can help keep those jealous feelings in check.

Be Self-Aware

The golden rule to managing jealous feelings is to remember that you can't control your partner. It is essential to understand that no matter how much emotional energy you invest into your relationship, your partner has the same agency and freedom to make choices as you do. Being self-aware helps you maintain control of your own emotions and allows your to put a stop to unhealthy behaviors such as snooping and intense interrogation about who your partner is talking to. Instead of trying to police their actions, take responsibility for the product of your own reactions.

Creating a healthy relationship will require intentional effort from both parties. Letting go of jealousy can be challenging, but with patience and dedication, you can create a loving environment of security and trust. Remember that relationships are dynamic, so it is normal to experience hiccups along the way. Take this opportunity as a way to grow and commune with your partner as you build a positive, honest, and supportive relationship.