We all have a natural longing to be loved and accepted. Though the drive to find true companionship can be an incredibly gratifying endeavor, navigating the initial phases of a relationship can be difficult and emotionally taxing. The desire, hope, and confusion that arises as two people come together—and the price of sorting out how much should be invested—can be a notoriously tricky course to plot.
Take for instance, the poster in our recent forum on Enotalone.com who reached out for advice about whether or not she was on a path towards a relationship with a former partner. "I recently returned to the city where I grew up, reunited with some old boyfriends, and started talking to one of them," she wrote. After confessing that she's begun having feelings for her ex again, she asked: "Am I getting closer to him or is this just typical female behavior?"
This relevant, timely demonstration of dating complexities brings up many important questions. What binds us to someone we once shared an intimate connection with? How do we balance our rational judgment with our emotions? How do we make decisions and discern whether we're steering on a healthy path or in a cycle of interacting with a person who ultimately leaves us feeling unfulfilled?
Unpacking these considerations requires sensitivity, patience, and willingness. The key lies in being able to accurately measure our environment and determine if the rewards are worth the risk when it comes to diving in again.
It is entirely possible to get stuck in a painful and unproductive maze of free-floating yearnings. Remembering that relationships can come at a great price is essential in calming ourselves before taking part in activities that could potentially bring harm. We must ask ourselves if continuing a certain dynamic will end up with feelings of relief or regret.
In this case, although the urge to reunite is natural, it's critical to be aware of our signals. Asking ourselves what exactly has changed since the last time we connected is beneficial in feeding into our decision-making. Are we expecting different results if the conditions which led us apart remain the same? It is essential that we objectively note our own habits and behaviors in order to determine if we are recreating a cycle that is unhealthy, rather than moving forward towards something worthwhile.
Falling back into familiar patterns, especially those linked to another individual, can lead to disappointment, negative outcomes, and a sense of being lost in the sails of love. It is important to consider whether or not the long-term objectives are aligned with what we are hoping to gain from an investment of both emotion and energy. It is also useful to consider the commitment opportunities, or lack thereof, and weigh them against our values and preferences. Doing this helps us decide if the terms of engagement serve our highest good.
The confusion and complexity of relationships can be overwhelming and complicated, leading to consequential dilemmas that make coming to conclusions more challenging. In order to best assess whether it is worth the risk, we must give ourselves time and space to reflect truthfully on the possibilities. we are our own most trusted guardians, and looking within will provide the guidance we need.
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