Every couple goes through their own unique set of struggles when trying to start a family. In some cases, one person may be ready before the other, creating a tricky situation where they may feel their partner is stringing them along.
John and Linda* are looking to start a family. As newlyweds, both were eager to begin having children after getting married. Two years later and here they find themselves—not quite ready to start a family. John is definitely committed to the idea, but Linda isn't so sure yet. She knows she loves John and has even planned out names for their future children, but she isn't sure if now is the right time.
Linda's hesitance brings up a slew of feelings in John. He loves Linda and he wants to build a life with her; his instincts tell him she is the one. But if she doesn't want to start a family with him, could it mean she is not as committed as he once thought? Does it mean that things aren't quite like he thought they would be when they first got married? While these kinds of thoughts tug at his heartstrings, she continues to remain unclear when it comes to starting a family, leaving John feeling helpless and uncertain about the future.
In families everywhere, conversations about children often bring about a mix of different emotions. From fear to excitement, the whole gamut of feelings can be explored. Sometimes these conversations are easy and both partners agree on what the next step should be—other times there is conflicting ideas or two people come down somewhere in between on the issue.
In the case of John and Linda, this conversation was especially difficult because they hadn't expected to be having it. They had thought they would be happily anticipating the arrival of their first child soon after they were married, but that simply wasn't how things had worked out. Now they found themselves suddenly discussing something they thought they would have had all figured out by now and John felt strongly that Linda was most likely stringing him along about starting a family.
Having the conversation about wanting (or not wanting) to start a family can be complicated for many couples. It can be especially tricky if one partner is expecting to have children soon while the other is hesitant or uncertain. This type of situation can leave one partner feeling let down or deceived by their partner if it takes longer than expected to reach agreement on a course of action.
In order to have an open and honest dialogue that actually produces results, couples need to be honest but understanding. Both partners should make time to talk without any distractions or other obligations in order to truly get to the root of what each person is feeling. Above all else, listen carefully to your partner and be willing to compromise and make concessions when needed.
It's also important for individuals in any relationship to remember that it's not just about one person's desires—it's about both partners agreeing on what's best for both of them in the long run. Just because someone wants something doesn't make it right or fair for the other person. The process of starting a family should be thoughtful and mindful, taking into consideration resources as well as timing.
John still struggles with not knowing whether Linda is simply stringing him along or not. He doesn't want to pressure her—he understand that having a baby is a big decision. He is doing his best to give her time and space, hoping that eventually she will come around and take the leap with him. Time will tell what will happen in their lives but if John and Linda continue caring for each other's needs compassionately and without judgment, then surely a meaningful outcome will come about for them in the end.
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