A friendship is a relationship where trust shouldn’t have to be earned. You should just automatically trust your friend and they should trust you back. When one friend can’t do that, it can make it difficult to find an understanding or the solution. That’s exactly the situation one anonymous user faced on enotalone.com. They were concerned that a close friend wasn’t being truthful but didn’t know how to confront them about it.
The idea of honesty and its importance in a friendship is nothing new. In fact, it’s been echoed throughout literature and film for decades. Take for example Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. “My only love sprung from my only hate.” The lovers’ relationship began with their respective families’ feud not their own feelings. The falsehood of their families' loyalty was countered by their honest affection for each other.
The truth is that there are some things that dictate the foundation of a strong friendship and they include honesty. It’s said that communication and trust are key in any healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise. Without these two elements, it can be hard to build a strong friendship, or even keep it going. When one person can’t trust the other, it can bring up many emotions.
The first step in addressing the issue might not always be easy, but it can help to start a conversation. "What's wrong?" can be a hard, yet simple starting point. Asking a direct question might put both parties a bit on the defensive. Instead, suggesting that you want to talk can be more calming. Just allowing your friend to open up to you may provide the answers you were seeking.
If it turns out that your suspicions were founded, it may be tough to process. Feelings of disappointment, guilt, and even betrayal may arise. Just remember to take a step back before responding. Understand that trust takes time to build, regardless of the relationship.
The decision to stay in the situation or make a change should be made after taking a few steps back and reflecting—not in the moment. It’s important to ask yourself if this kind of behavior is something you’re willing to accept considering it plays a major part in your happiness.
Honesty shouldn’t have to be earned in a friendship—it should come naturally as it makes the base of a strong bond. If that honesty isn’t there, a conversation may be necessary. In any case, once the facts are known, take a beat and think before acting. The truth might be hard to hear but it’s usually the best thing for both parties.
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