Do you feel an aching emptiness caused by missing someone deeply? Maybe it's your partner, an old friend, or a family member. Whatever the situation, the heavy blues of missing someone can be overwhelming, and you may feel helpless in the face of such strong feelings. But there are healthy coping methods that can help you work through the grief and learn to deal with the loneliness.
The intense sensations of craving companionship and wanting to have a relationship can be called nearly any type of longing: yearning, homesickness, homespun yearning, hiraeth (a Welsh concept referring to the homesickness felt for a place you never lived), and ache-for-belonging, among other terms. Like a loss, this sadness can have an extremely deep impact on your emotional wellbeing.
It is normal to feel overwhelmed with emotions when we miss someone. Grief psychologist Victoria Alexander, Ph.D., says, "Missing someone is often just as hard, if not harder, than the grieving that follows physical death [...] The person's absence is real, and the longing for connection with them seems endless."
Keep in mind that experiencing intense negatives emotions can be cathartic. Even though it's difficult, try to accept your current emotional experience and allow yourself to feel the pain instead of resisting it. It may be difficult, trying to figure out how to move on when you're in the depths of sorrow, but it's important to remember that the emotion of longing isn’t bad.
A great way to start letting go is to practice mindfulness. When you make room for everything, even your painful feelings, it will be easier to release these emotions. Your mind can be stuck in an emotional loop, but rather than getting caught up in these relentless thoughts and tears, pause and acknowledge what comes up. This will help you create distance from the emotion, as if you were standing outside of it observing it.
Another strategy for managing longing is acknowledgement. Acknowledge the pain and come to terms with your current emotional state. Making yourself vulnerable to your own demons is incredibly difficult, but it can foster even more self-love and hope. Sharing your sorrow with understanding people can also give you extra support and make your difficult time more bearable.
Although a part of you might never want to make peace with the sadness, it is essential that you acknowledge your feelings and make amends with them. If you're still struggling to find relief, reach out to somebody who can provide an outside perspective that can help put your feelings into words. When you validate your emotions, even the saddest of days can be filled with light.
And most importantly, give yourself time. Time has a special way of healing all wounds; however, unfinished business can block your capacity for growth and wholeness. Asking yourself what the unfulfilled longings are for engenders a kind of relief that can sustain you.
Whether it's from having to let go of a loved one or losing a dream, remember that all pain—physical, mental, and spiritual—will eventually pass. Cherish your memories and pay tribute to your remembrance, for it is the key to resolving pain and granting freedom.
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