Dealing with an ex-partner hanging around is one of the most troubling aspects of any relationship. Whether your partner's ex has been actively present in their life prior to you entering it or remains hung up on them months, or even years, after their breakup, it can be difficult to shake off the feeling of discomfort. Here are a few tips on how to manage your partner’s relationship with their ex without resorting to drastic measures or causing additional stress:
Maintain Open Communication
Communication is key in any relationship, but particularly so when you and your partner are dealing with something like this. Make sure that you and your boyfriend keep an open dialogue and that your feelings are expressed honestly. It might feel awkward to talk about his previous relationship, but it's important for both of you to express what you feel comfortable with in regards to his ex-partner's presence.
Set Boundaries
Sometimes, even if communication lines are open, boundaries need to be established by consent. Put simply, set limits on the amount of time and connection your partner allows the ex-partner having in their life. If they don't feel comfortable doing this unilaterally, you both should speak together to come up with a plan.
Stay Focused
No matter how much time you invest in making sure everything's okay between your lover and their ex, your relationship should remain your main focus. Don't let the ex drain joy from your day to day interactions, take a moment to “reset” when conversations come up about the ex and don't allow it to be the constant subject of your conversations. If the ex-partner is still very much present in your partner's life, try to make the most of your moments together, focusing on the positive and developing your relationship as far away from the ex-story as possible.
Be Patient
It takes determination and patience to handle an ex-partner hanging around. Understand that feelings for an old partner – even if completely platonic – can take time to evaporate, and trust that your partner will act rationally and do what's best for both of you, even if that means allowing reasonable contact with their ex.
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