Dear eNotAlone: I know she has to know that I still love her, but how do I tell her? After years apart we recently reconnected, and while I know she is attracted to me like before, she isn't saying it in so many words. We have had several conversations over the past few weeks, mostly light topics and catching up. But I feel like there are still unresolved feelings between us, and she knows that I still love her too. How can I tell her without scaring her off or coming on too strong?
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Having unresolved feelings for someone is one of the most difficult, yet fulfilling experiences in life. When reconnecting with an old flame whom you still carry a torch for, the feeling of anticipation can be overwhelming and exciting all at once. But even when the other person may be feeling the same way, they could still be afraid to admit it. So how do you tell her you still love her without scaring her off or coming on too strong? Here's some advice to help.
When you're in the throes of reconnection and reawakened feelings, it can be extremely tempting and all too easy to jump right into telling someone you still love them. But before you declare your love, step back and evaluate what kind of relationship you would like to have. How much visible effort are you willing to put in to make the relationship work? Is this person worth your time? Evaluating the situation first will help you understand where you both want to go from here and how you should proceed.
Then, take your time and focus on getting to know her again, but this time in a different light. Connecting on more meaningful and personal levels can help you both recognize the true nature of your feelings. Don't rush the process of reconnecting, let the feelings of love and admiration melt and merge naturally as you develop your friendship further. Doing so will not only help you and her further appreciate each other, but it will also enable you to identify if similar mutual feelings are reciprocated.
On the other hand, if after spending several weeks together, communicating and getting to know each other, you feel strongly about the other person, then decide if it's the right time to let her know. Instead of a full-blown proclamation about your love, start by complimenting her on little things such as her intelligence, her taste in music, her infectious laughter, and so on. Then let her know how much you enjoy being around her. Once you've built a positive atmosphere and taken into consideration the amount of effort you want to put in, slowly and carefully start talking to her about your feelings. Establish clear communication and let her know that while you do love her, you understand if she doesn't feel the same way. Remember, allow her the space to talk and state her feelings freely and openly.
Whether you choose to take things further or stay as friends, make sure she always feels safe, heard and respected. Allow her to answer honestly, as hard as that may be. Give her time to accept her feelings and adjust to the thought of being in a relationship again. It's important you don't push her to say or do anything she's not comfortable with.
Expressing your true feelings for someone can instill a surge of mixed emotions, and it takes strength and courage to come to terms with those emotions and be your authentic self. But you've come too far to give up now, so move forward without fear - embracing each moment as it arises and cherishing each experience with her. Only then will you find a happy compromise.
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