Dear eNotAlone: Eric is unhappily married, his wife of ten years uninterested in him, skeptical of anything and everything he proposes. The marriage is starting to affect his career, as his lack of enthusiasm and motivation comes off as unprofessional, and he's in danger of getting laid off. On the other hand, Eric is also in a relationship with a much younger woman he met at work, a situation which opens him up to accusations of adultery among other things.
He loves his wife and is still devoted to her and their family, but the relationship has grown stale and comfortable, preventing him from committing fully to either partner. He feels caught between two paths that could lead him towards happiness but out of loyalty has stayed in the marriage, feeling that it would be morally wrong to pursue another path.
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Being in a situation like Eric's can be a trying time for anyone--feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place so to speak. Choosing the right path for you is personal, and it is important for each person to discover what that path looks like for them. Here are some things to take into account when making your decision:
First and foremost, consider the feelings of everyone involved. What kind of impact will your decisions have on everyone impacted by your decision? On one hand, if you decide to walk away from either relationship, there will be hurt feelings; on the other hand, continuing your dual relationships could arouse suspicion, mistrust and unwanted drama.
Second, if you choose to stay in either relationship, weigh the pros and cons of each decision. Are there any reasons why staying with your spouse is a better option? Are there any reasons why leaving them and continuing your affair with your partner is a better option? You need to assess which of these choices will lead you to a more satisfying future.
Third, understand that it is important to respect the process no matter what you choose. Your decision should not be rushed, and nor should you be expected to make a decision overnight. It can be helpful to speak with a therapist who can help equip you with the skills necessary to evaluate and process the situation in order to make an informed decision.
Recognize that regardless of the decision you make, regardless of whether you stay with your wife or leave to pursue any other relationship, it will take time and effort to adjust to the new circumstances. There will be work required to sort through your emotions and for both parties involved to reconcile the state of affairs. Whichever way you decide to go, remember that it is always important to do what is in your best interest. Make sure to consult with people around you who know and love you and discuss how your decision could impact your future.
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