As the saying goes, there is something beautiful in second chances. We’ve all been through heartache, and we’ve all made our fair share of mistakes that have caused hurt to someone else. When someone approaches our friends or family with a request for a second chance, an internal dilemma ensues: They come to us hoping for absolution, yet deep within our hearts, fear lingers that granting them another chance could lead to more suffering.
So, when it's best to grant one more chance in a relationship?
Upon identifying lingering feelings for someone and deciding to give it another shot, we should always be mindful of the likelihood of their ability and willingness for meaningful change. To ensure sets reasonable expectations, and increase the potential for success, involve a process of thought and sound self-awareness.
The first step should always be to ask yourself, “Do I really believe this relationship can work if they make personal changes?". We tend to be realists when it comes to our relationships, back and forth between optimism, pessimism, and ambivalence as our mercurial emotions rise and fall. Taking the time to assess every attribute of the relationship (good and bad) is necessary discretion that may help make the decision easier. It ensures we are not romanticizing the relationship out of our own isolated perspective - a vicious cycle that is not healthy in the long run.
Second, consider the source. With change often comes effort and will power. It becomes a question of if they are willing and able to invest in improving the relationship. This accountability does not simply come from a single conversation, but also any recurring behavior that fails to meet the amended standards of coexistence. Watching out for red flags means analyzing the situation holistically. It requires both patience and commitment to evaluate how much effort is being put into the repair from both sides.
Finally, we must trust that if change is unrealistic, it is unethical to pursue the relationship further. Any attempt we make to hold onto someone or something will hinder our ability to live freely and fill our current space with presence instead of pain. As Sheryl Sandberg once said, “Done well, leaving something can be just as powerful as love.” Choose to let go if you feel the connection is not leading anywhere.
It is ultimately up to you to judge which situations demand a second chance, and which should be left alone. As long as we educate ourselves to objectively evaluate the situation and weigh the consequences of any given action, we will be equipped with the most important tool: making the best possible decisions for ourselves.
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