An Expert's Guide to Ghosting People

Whether you’ve experienced it yourself or known someone who has, ghosting - simply ceasing communication or contact with a person with no explanation or warning - is something that happens. Sometimes it’s mutual, and other times one person can feel like they’ve been left to hang. If you’re on the receiving end of ghosting, that sudden lack of closure can leave their stomach in knots and make it difficult for them to focus on anything else.

Being ghosted can be overwhelming and confusing, so if you’ve found yourself in this situation, you may not know what to do next. In addition, there’s often a worry that the person in question hasn’t noticed that they are suddenly dead to you. When this happens, it can be hard to find clarity and resolution. Thankfully, we have experts who can help guide us through these difficult times.

One way to move forward is to recognize that thing’s won’t just magically change, and that it is up to you to take action and create change. Of course, it isn’t always easy to initiate the conversation when you feel uncertain or hesitant. An important tip that mental health and life coach Sarah Adler emphasizes is to “keep in mind that the hard conversation can be as casual or intentional as you would like it to be, as long as the tone reflects respect and your core needs are honored.” She goes on to suggest that “getting clear with yourself around the desired end-result of the conversation will help you present your case in a calm and collected way.”

Adler also advises trying to understand the content from the person’s point of view in order to “gain better clarity into why doing the disappearing act is beneficial for them”. She emphasizes that it’s not about being right— it’s about getting to the root of the situation and understanding both sides, so that each party can gain closure. Once you establish healthy communication and start unraveling the situation, you can can move forward.

Another expert’s advise is to put yourself in check and be sure to “be honest in your own actions and thoughts before analyzing any other person’s motivations”. Work with certified life coach Tracy Pfeifer to take an honest look within and be aware of how you act and project your feelings and thoughts. “Communicate those boundaries clearly and firmly,” Pfeifer suggests, “so that the other person knows exactly where you stand without any ambiguity.”

The feelings that come along with being ghosted can be confusing and difficult to navigate but, fortunately, experts provide us with a variety of tools to get us back on our feet. No matter the situation, emotional or relational freedom should be accessible to everyone, and having guidance on how to achieve that goal is invaluable. Most importantly, remember to not forget yourself and the power to choose resolution that you possess. You can create a meaningful conversation, regardless of the outcome.

It is undoubtedly human nature to want closure; even if the situation is uncomfortable, knowing that the chapter is closed can be a very powerful choice. While it can be intimidating to deal with emotion, it’s often the only way to prevent hurt and vulnerability. By taking an empathetic yet unapologetic attitude and immediately putting healthy boundaries in place, you’re letting the other person know that you have in fact noticed the dramatic change. After all, the most powerful closure of all may just come from within.