Romantic relationships can be some of the richest and most fulfilling experiences of our lives. The comfort and support we receive from our partners is invaluable, and the connection and understanding of each other that forms when two people fall in love can be both powerful and unique. However, for many people capable of forming deep connections with their partner, there's often a fear that prevents them from fully experiencing that connection — the fear of falling short perfectionistically.
Self-criticism focused on trying to meet perceived expectations from one's partner can put tremendous strain on any relationship. When someone criticism themselves harshly, it can lead to stress, anxiety and self-doubt that translates into poor communication and insecurity around their partner. This can mean that they not only struggle to form an intimate bond with the person they care so deeply about, but they may also struggle to tell them how their feelings and passions.
What's worse is that much of this self-criticism comes from a false sense of what a partner expects. We can often see our partners—and ourselves—as more flawed or inadequate than they may actually be, which creates feelings of despair even if things between the two of you are going well.
Perfectionism can also cause people to maintain physical distance from potential partners. Even when individuals open up to someone and feel really connected, insecurities may still plague such relationships—not only leading to distance emotionally, but blocking them from achieving real intimacy emotionally as well. It can be hard to quiet that voice inside your head that says you don't measure up and that your partner will never be satisfied.
The key lies in recognizing self-criticism for what it is - an unhelpful emotion that does not reflect reality - and learning to manage it. This may be done through challenging negative thoughts, talking to trusted friends and family members, and seeing a therapist who can help devise coping strategies. Describing painful emotions can help normalize them too. Taking part in activities or exercises designed to boost self-esteem will also help counterbalance negative mindsets and create the freedom to express yourself authentically with a partner.
Remember not to take perfectionism too seriously; nobody's perfect after all! It's natural to perceive your relationship imperfectly at times, but if you're willing to commit energy to managing your own expectations, you'll likely find yourself closer than ever to your partner as you create an open dialogue between two imperfect people. Instead of looking for perfection, focus on developing an understanding of each other's feelings an beliefs and look for ways to celebrate those unique qualities your partner has to offer.
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