Dear eNotAlone: I need your help. I've been with my boyfriend now for two years, and I just can't shake the feeling that he doesn't really love me.
We met while I was in college and we seemed to hit it off right away. We quickly became best friends, but two years on and I'm still not sure how he feels about me. We talk every day and spend time together practically every weekend, but his emotions seem so closed off and guarded. He never says "I love you" unless prompted and almost never talks about our future together.
I try to bring up what I feel, but he avoids the conversation or changes the topic. Even when I do manage to get him to open up and talk about us, it doesn't really seem like he's saying much, if anything.
At first, I thought maybe I was just reading too much into it but now I'm starting to worry that he doesn't actually love me. This is coupled by the fact that I don't feel particularly loved - apart from the odd hug or movie night together, we don't really take the time to show affection to each other.
What should I do? Do I break things off and free myself from this confusion, or should I stay and see if things develop? Please help!
* * *
It is a very common feeling to be uncertain of whether or not the person we are with truly loves us. It is understandable why you would be feeling let down, upset, and confused by the seemingly stagnant state of your relationship. You know that you two are comfortable enough with each other to come together, talk, and spend time, so something along the way has become a block that has been preventing the relationship from progressing in the way that you want it to.
The best thing to do in this situation is to start communicating more deeply with your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel and ask him questions about his feelings for you. This may be difficult for both of you but doing so can help to build a deeper connection and foster a better understanding of each other. It also does not have to be an overly serious conversation. There are many fun and creative ways to discuss matters of the heart.
You may also want to consider taking some time away from him in order to get a sense of what you want and need. Time away often helps us to gain perspective on our decisions and situations. Though it can be hard to part ways temporarily, it can help you to gain clarity and make sure that you are in touch with your own needs.
This is an emotionally complicated situation but don't let fear prevent you from reaching out and connecting. If it turns out that he does not love you, then you can free yourself from the confusion and move on to richer and truer love. Be brave enough to take the risk and reach out.
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