Dealing with Social Anxieties: Practical Tips for the Shy and Dense

You’re sitting in a crowded room, but feeling utterly alone. You find it hard to make small talk; when someone speaks to you, you’re struck by a sense of overwhelm. But this is only the beginning: you want to make friends, navigate your social life, even thrive among your peers, but find yourself unable to act on these desires. You feel stuck.

If this struggle sounds familiar, you may be suffering from chronic shyness or “social anxieties.” Like any struggle, you may at times doubt yourself—perhaps even feeling convinced that no amount of effort could overcome these anxieties. But don’t give up hope! There are solutions: solutions to address your fear, build relationships, and walk confidently in the world. Here are some tips to help you get started in overcoming your anxieties:

Address the Fear

The quavering voice, the rapid heartbeat, the out-of-the-blue sweat that breaks out along your back: your anxieties are real, and they can’t be eradicated without first recognizing them. Analyzing your anxieties isn’t easy—everyone experiences anxiety differently—but try to identify the situations that make you feel most anxious (such as initiating a conversation, going to a party, or attending a club). Knowing your trigger points will allow you to develop strategies to counteract them.

Start slow: don’t jump directly into the situation you find overwhelming, but rather ease your way in by doing something small yet comfortable. For example, if you are overwhelmed by large groups of people, consider beginning by interacting with only one person. Once you feel more comfortable with that, look for ways to gradually build up from there.

Find Supplies: Who Can Be Your Resource?

When we feel anxious, we frequently look for outside support to help us weather the challenge. Here, building a network of reliable, nonjudgmental confidants can go a long way. Find emotional resources—people who actively listen, hit pause to allow for thoughtful engagement, and offer concise solutions—to create a basin of understanding. Don’t expect these people to address all your anxieties, but by talking through their own fears and successes, you can start to develop a personal toolkit to guide you through whatever comes your way.

Show Up

This is not just a cliché: those who show up possess more control and agency than those who hide away indefinitely. Showing up to events, providing introductions, attending group activities can all provide tremendous opportunities for learning and growth. It doesn’t mean that your anxieties magically disappear, but instead it acknowledges that you have the power to take positive steps. You are no longer paralyzed, no longer "just watching" as everyone around you encompasses life around you.

Of course, you don't need to become the life of the party; being shy is ok. Despite this, don’t forget that it's also ok to stick your neck out: tell a joke, ask an earnest question, share stories of your struggles. Nobody expects perfection, but your willingness to open up can create a space of understanding. And take note: research has shown that open conversations bring "richness" to our lives, fulfilling us—and enriching us—in ways we seldom expect.

Find Skills

Once you’ve established who, take a moment to close your notebook and connect. What can be done to pacify your fears? Consider honing your communication skills: knowing how to listen effectively, taking turns in conversation, and learning how to ask questions can help you build stronger relationships and gain confidence in social situations.

You can also brush up on essential qualities such as self-motivation and self-regard, both of which are essential to mental wellbeing. looking outside of yourself can inspire personal change from within.

Take Control

When dealing with social anxieties, try to remember: you are in control. Through a combination of private practice, personal reflection, skill-building and a supportive cast of characters, you can learn to confront, rather than continuously avoid, your fears. With time and patience, you can find the fortitude to march forward in your social life—on your terms.